To not want to tell my MIL I’m pregnant?

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I’m 20 and DP is 24. This might make us sound like babies, but I work full time in a good job and am about to finish my HNC and start uni. He has a very successful business and even has people who work for him. We have also just bought our first house - 3 bed semi detached (very proud of us!) We've been together for 2 years.

Move in date is 21/02 to the new house and we are currently staying in the annexe of MILs house and paying her rent. She had 3 other young kids besides my partner - she had DP as a teen.

I am currently 15 weeks pregnant and have told my work (nature of job) and my family. We have not told MIL yet because she wants me to be ‘32 with a degree and have travelled the world first’ she also says DP would be a ‘terrible dad’ and says all these awful things about how much she hates kids.

At age 16, I was raped. At age 17, I had a septic pregnancy and by the age of 19 I had lost 3 babies (1 septic 2 chemicals) and was being treated for endometriosis after finding abnormal cells and a large cyst on an ovary, the can’t see my other ovary. This baby news was absolutely amazing albeit a total shock!! We are excited for baby to come in July but honestly the thought of having to tell her makes me feel extremely unwell and the mental health nurse even feels sorry for me!

Tonight MIL was going on about how much she hates liars and people who hide things from her. There’s no way someone has told her about baby as people I’ve told are sworn to secrecy. She surely must know she’s had 4 pregnancies herself and isn’t stupid but why would you say such horrible things if you knew I was expecting?

AIBU to be scared to tell her?

Wow. So you used your husband for cash. What a catch you are

Nope - she did what a lot of mothers do. She protected her time and future and that if her children.

@anotheremma it’s just gotten worse in the past few months but we had started looking for houses and had an offer in for the house in December so there was no point moving out, he doesn’t know his dad and we have no family to go to on my side to stay with for a short time either so we’re just keeping our distance. However DP is trying to keep the peace which silently irritates me

Cantwaitforsummer2020

I think you are being a bit unfair on OP.

OP clearly sees having a child as a priority. She’s happy and settled. Just because it isn’t ‘the norm’ now, it was and has been the norm in previous generations.

I was an older mother - 34, and wished I could’ve had them younger as I would’ve had more time with them. I would’ve had more energy, be less patience.

There’s no correct time to raise children. There’s only now.

I wish her all the luck in the world. All babies should be welcomed. Planned or accident.

I don’t think women ever have to apologise for not telling people they are pregnant. In this case the op says: we didn’t dare hope it would work out so couldn’t bear to tell people but it looks like it is all ok touch wood! We’re so excited!

Weird how you can tell how happy someone is just by the way they phrase things. Congratulations

Congratulations!
I'm so sorry to hear what you have been through in the past.
There are no rules when it comes to things like this. It's up to you and your partner when and who you tell. Just out of interest, what does your partner think? I think if it was me I'd wait until I'd moved!
Good luck with whatever you decide! Hope the move and rest of your pregnancy isn't too stressful x

OP, you sound lovely and well done to you and your DH. Of course having moved out at 16 you are going to be different to other 20year olds.
Agree not to tell her until the 20 weeks scan and just reply that she kept saying she didn’t like kids / said DP would be a bad dad that you didn’t want to tell her and have your excitement taken away.

The amount you help her financially and with her kids she’s going to be resenting your moving out and is unfairly projecting.

Congratulations! Actually, this may be a really good time for you to have a child - in my experience, universities have pretty good childcare arrangements, so that might be easier than if you were working. Although I'd make sure you talk to the uni about it - if you need to defer your course or take a break from it (I'm not clear whether you'd be starting uni before or after baby arrives) they should be helpful.

Tell your MIL after you've moved, then it'll be much easier to ignore her if you need to. Or actually, don't tell your MIL - get your DP to do it; she's his mum!

You're doing brilliantly, you and DP!

I would wait until you move and not give any reason for the 'delay' in announcing. It's none of her business.

It is goady of her to talk about liars; unless she has asked you outright and you've told her you aren't pregnant, you haven't lied!

Do whatever is easiest and most pleasant for you. And good luck!

Some of the responses on here are just weird, OP. You're doing brilliantly and congratulations on your pregnancy! I had my first around the same age and I was nowhere near as stable as you are!

Don't tell MIL until you move out. Get DP to tell her if you want to but your pregnancy is your news, not her right.

^ just agreeing with Patte, Granny, and Orange x

Thanks everyone so much this has made me feel so much better

Definitely wait until you move out.

@Cantwaitforsummer2020 I think you misread what FOTTFSOFTFOASM was saying. I think she meant that if she hadn't paid that money, she and her children would have been left with nothing. So she was glad she protected herself with that marriage certificate.

Hi everyone just an update we told her today and she’s ripped it up and chucked it in front of the fire :-)))

Has she ripped up the scan photos? What on earth is wrong with her?

I hope her reaction hasn't upset you, and that your move went as smoothly as possible.

@FudgeBrownie2019 thankfully it was a card with a copy of the scan on it. If it was the actual scan photo I think I actually would have murdered her. I’m really annoyed just now so trying to eat to calm myself down!! I actually cannot believe the way she’s reacted. I knew this would happen

Awful woman, congratulations on your pregnancy. ❤️

@ministryoftragic thank you so much!

Congratulations on your pregnancy. Your MIL is a dick, but you sound strong and smart. Wishing you all happiness.

Just remember that what is important is you, your partner and your little baby!

What a bitch.

@lellymckelly thank you so much :))

@crispysausagerolls you’re right! Thanks 😊

What an awful woman

I’m just struggling to understand what she would think would happen? Her 24 year old son in a committed relationship with his girlfriend and have just bought a house together. What do you really think is going to happen? Jeez

I don't think it's about that, is it? It sounds like it's about control; she's lost control of him and resents anyone else being able to make decisions without her. Best leave her to it and focus on your own lovely life.

I spent the first ten years of my marriage trying to please my MIL. Nothing I did was right, nothing made her happy, nothing went down well. So I gave up and now I'm 300% happier whilst she's still a moany cow. The sooner you let her nonsense wash away the happier you'll be.