Husband won’t let me be SAHM or part time

[Bernetteyog]

Hello! So.. me and my husband are really struggling at the moment. I have one child and I have been back to work 18 months (also ttc no 2). I’m the main earner in our household but I have a highly stressful managerial job.
Since having my daughter I have want to be a sahm or part time. My employer was happy for me to do part time hours on full pay (which was great) but not I have more workload and I need to do full time hours plus travel (I’m still bfing). The additional workload will bring a large pay rise. I am highly stressed in my job and it’s effecting my health. I have explained this to my husband but he does not want me to leave my job as it is flexible but doesn’t understand the stress and desperation to spend more time with my daughter.
We have massive arguments about it. He said I will ruin our lives as we will have no money, have to get a cheaper car. He say the situation is making him ill. We could afford to live on my husbands salary but would have to make cut backs but my husband likes nice holidays etc. I really don’t know where to go from here. Thank you

Can’t believe this thread is still running when the OP never even came back once!

Can’t believe this thread is still running when the OP never even came back once!

SAHM VS WOHM. Guaranteed bunfight.

I’m sure the OP knew what she was doing.

It's much better for a child to be at nursery all the time and both parents working. They will turn out beautifully with no attachment issues.
They're not at nursery ALL the time don't be ridiculous.

My Child has been in F/T childcare for 10 months and has turned out beautifully and has no attachment issues.

I'm sure they are glad they never see you much. Also you will never regret not spending a couple of days a week with them.

Again, given they aren't there ALL the time there is still plenty of time for us to spend time together a a family.

Also you are right staying at home is a terrible idea.
People aren't saying that. It's just not for everyone ans that's okay. it is sensible to make sure you're financially secure though.

What I meant was when they are actually of school age you can get a job in school hours.

Not many of these jobs actually exist. If I had given up work for a few years I wouldn't have been able to return to my career and certainly couldn't do school hours.

Maybe even pop them in after-school club for an hour. That's a perfectly acceptable thing to do after spending a couple of years at home or part time. That's my view.
You live in a dreamworld.

Because the product of the last 15 years has slowly got worse and worse. Disrespectful and rude. Loads of thrives and knife crime. Loads of random attacks and gangs. Mental health is going higher and higher. I actually did read something about unavailable parenting the other week. You might think grabbing 3 hours in the evening is good for your child.

Prove this is to do with parents working and childcare...
i don't think you fully understand the term unavailable parenting.

Give me the bot for five years I'll show you the man? The first five years are when they will develop more than ever! It's fact.

I don't think you understand the word fact.

Do you think working parents have NO input into raising their child? You are sadly mistaken. Parenting is about so much more than being present all of the time.

@nalanoodle

After school club is generally an hour or so. You've spent a fair amount of time on this thread, I hope your children don't resent you for it in 20 years as you're so confident in your beliefs in the importance of quality time together.

I believe that you can't see that posts are just dripping with nastiness but it's a real shame. Posters have said they can see the benefits of staying at home many have said they would like to. They've also said it isn't possible for everyone and that parenting choices are individual to each family.

I'm not sure if I'll work full time, part time or take some time to be at home with my kids when I am a mum. But I'm confident I'll teach them not to be judgemental and nasty to people who make different choices to them.

@Nalanoodle that's a lot of words for 'I am extremely judgemental of anyone who isnt doing exactly what I am'.

I think its quote funny you think unavailable has to do with people working. It doesnt.

May surprise you but plenty of parents that's dont work are shit parents. Them being at home doesnt support the child at all.

Some wohm are crap. Some are better than most sahp. Some sahp are better than some working parents.

The quality of parenting has nothing to do with wether you work or not.

@nalanoodle I'm not sure if you're just a bit thick or massively on the defensive.

For some of us, we would LOVE to spend more time with our children. I would really enjoy being a SAHP. But if I did that, we would have a home for me to stay at. Do you understand that? Don't you see how going on and on about how damaging it is to have two working parents might make people feel? Especially those who have no other choice?

Let me put it another way. Living on the breadline is really fucking stressful, to the point my DH has tied to take his own life as he genuinely thought it would solve all our financial problems. We are doing our absolute best to cater for our family. Having an ignorant person like you telling me I'm causing damage to my child is just fucking twisting the knife.
I get it. I failed as a wife and now I'm failing as a mother. Fucking wonderful

@Biancadelrioisback

Fuck that sounds so stressful. I hope your husband is ok.

It sounds like you've got loads on your plate and I haven't got kids yet but I'm in awe of people who deal with shit times and still get up every day and provide for their kids, whether that means at work or at home.

I'm almost definitely going to need to be a working mum when I have children, who knows but even if I wasn't I would still be disgusted by the nastiness and vitriol that's been spewed about working mums on here. Don't take it on board, it's bullshit.

LaurieMarlow That's quite true, but MN weren't concerned about furry hands when I flagged the disappearing OP on a bunfight topic.

@Nalanoodle are you ok hun?

you heard the saying. Give me the bot for five years I'll show you the man? The first five years are when they will develop more than ever! It's fact.

I love that you've misquoted a very famous saying and then called it fact. The saying is 7 years, so I guess you'll now be homeschooling until 7, since this is fact? I hope you'll also be giving them a Jesuit education, since you're such a fan of this quote.

A shit parent is a shit parent. It's irrelevant if they work full time,part time or not at all.
Kids are neglected ,abuse and suffer attachment issues regardless of the parent's working status.

This I love my child more or my kid will turn up better than yours bullshit is just that. Bullshit.

I think what people like Nalanoodle and others forget is that many of us have adult children or children entering adulthood.

Not everyone here has or just has young kids that we are waiting to see what our children turn out like.

My daughter is just an adult. She coildnt be any better, academic, kind, hard working, happy and confident. Just like lots of kids of working and stay at home parents.

They cant accept that you can work and have your kids turn out happy and healthy AND work. It doesnt mean you have to work. But simply having one parent at home is not the secret to successful parenting. It's simply one of the ways your household can be set out

In my time, I have known stay at home parents who are shit. At the school gates one mum was quite honest that her 5 year old spent all evening in her room because she (the mother) was 'too old to deal with this shit'. The child even ate in her room. A few mother agreed it was a good idea. I have known 2 stay at home mums who call their kids shit heads. One shoved her son off when he tried to hug her and told him to piss off.

It doesnt mean all or most sahp are shit. But staying at home didnt give those kids a good, supportive, living home life.

I have known working parents who farm their kids off on their parents most of the week including weekends. That doesnt mean most working parents do this with their parents or child care.

But most parents I know, stay at home or working, are good parents and their kids are happy.

You can be a shit parent or you can be a good parent. Your working status has very little to do with it.

Also, both of my parents were working full time. I'm from a different country where the concept of SAHMs didn't exist. Country is doing quite fine, despite all the supposedly damaged people with attachment issues..

@Shadyshadow
Great post. Thank you.

There is no right or wrong way to parent. People are usually just doing what works for their own family.