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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to lose it with DH after he tells me he doesnt see what the fuss is?

63 replies

LowFat · 31/08/2007 21:14

I have actually just told my DH to F**k off - for the first time in my life and I am so ashamed of myself as we are a non-swearing house normally - but I was severly provoked!

We are off on holiday tomorrow. We have an 8mnth DS and a 4yr DD. I have been putting out clothes all week for all of us except DH who kept saying he did;nt know what he was 'tkaing. Tonight as I am puting the bag together he waltzes in and chucks a loads of tops and trousers at me - fine I fit them in.

Then he comes down stairs, looks at his routes for the dive then makes a coffee and sits down. I was flabbergasted. I have been making lists for weeks. I still hve lists about stuff I cant pack till morning as well as still having to sort out bottles, formula, food for DS, toys and things for him to feel some nomarlity at bedtime, shoes and sun hats, blankets for the pushchair, toilet roll etc. And I might add I still havent had my dinner. I got in from work at 6.15, bathed DC's out them to bed and got stuck in!

Last weekend we had DS Baptism, and a week after we get back it's his brothers DC's b'day so I have also made sure we have presents ready for that, the last few weeks have been non-stop and tonight it was the last straw.

So when he asked me what I was getting in such a state about I just exploded - he got the hump with me and I told him to F-off!

Men Grrrr

OP posts:
aloha · 31/08/2007 22:41

"making lists for weeks' for a holiday??? That's really OTT, surely. Just pack some clothes and one or two toys like the bedtime teddy, and buy stuff out there. I presume you aren't going to outer mongolia. I'm sure you can buy toilet rolls at your destination.
My ds's birthday is on 17 Sept and I've booked a magician, and that's it. I'm not worried. I'll invite a few kids and buy a bit of food.

aloha · 31/08/2007 22:42

I agree with those who would resent being given lists!

Desiderata · 31/08/2007 22:51

I agree with aloha.

You're actually packing toilet rolls?

kindersurprise · 31/08/2007 22:52

Have to admit to doing lists too. I have exel lists saved on the computer. Mad, I know, but if I don't then I can't sleep the night before we leave.

My DH never helps to pack but he does let me know what he wants to take a few days before. Before I get jumped on, he is often really busy just before we leave and it is easier for me to do his packing than have him come in at the last minute. He is used to it now and doesnt even ask if I have forgotten anything (because he did that once and got abuse!)

One year he was still working in his office upstairs, the car was packed and the kids were in the car waiting. I was shouting up the stairs for him to get the computer off or we would miss the ferry.

ravenAK · 31/08/2007 22:54

So would I aloha. Dh, OTOH, says 'Just write down what you want me to do & stop hovering over me & nagging'.

The alternative is I do it all. He really has a blind spot about it. We're definitely not loo roll packers - it's more a case of getting in the car & going, however crappily packed, before nightfall!

paolosgirl · 31/08/2007 22:55

Loo rolls are fine - what happens if you get to the house (pres. it's s/c?) and there's none there? Then you have to cross your legs and start looking for a shop. We always take stuff like that - saves having to buy it when you get there.

Flibbertyjibbet · 31/08/2007 22:56

But Lowfat, this is why men have wives and partners.
He can come down and have a coffee cos he knows its all in your capable hands. grrrr.

I make lists of things to do before holidays etc but mostly for my own use as I am a bit forgetful. So I organise everything and tell him what time he has to be ready etc.
I make the lists in advance and run myself ragged in the run up to holidays and family events - he packs the car, drives, does a fab job tidying and cleaning on our last night in rented accomodation and drives us home so I think its a fair trade off.

Desiderata · 31/08/2007 22:58

Then wipe your arse on the grass.

Honestly, 'tis all a bit anal, surely?

LittleBella · 31/08/2007 23:03

Yes on the whole I think yabu

You can't take on the bulk of the organising role without question, then blow up at the fact that he takes it for granted that you are going to do it. If you want him to pull his weight, you have to demand it of him as a norm.

snowleopard · 31/08/2007 23:03

My DP is the same with packing - I plan all week, he leaves his till the morning we're leaving. (And I think you do have to plan, because you have to make sure clothes are washed and dried, you have supplies of things you need etc.)

But i do make him do his own packing and do other tasks to make up for it. I realise he's crap at packing and planning and I would actually rather be in charge of it. But I say for example "I am spending approx 5 hours this week packing and preparing, so you can clean the bathroom and cooker and do the garden (or whatever needs doing). That is fair and he can't argue with it. But if I didn't say it, he's be completely unaware and swan about having free time while I slaved. You have to say something and point out the unfairness and do deals.

Desiderata · 31/08/2007 23:11

Well, I'm obviously a hippy

Do your best, an hour before leaving, and for everything else, get it on the road, I say ..

A holiday is a break from the norm, no? DC's should be expected and encouraged to encounter their lack of fave blanket, teddy, etc., when in an unfamiliar environment.

Isn't that the point of going away?

Hurlyburly · 31/08/2007 23:32

My mother packs for days before a trip and worries herself into a frazzle. The lists take over. It's no fun at all for her, or us for that matter, listening to a daily saga of What Has Been Packed Today. Followed by What Has Yet to be Packed. Followed by What Has Yet to be Bought.

We pack in under an hour. Invariably we forget something but there are always shops ...

Think you are doing too much tbh. Give yourself a break.

mamhaf · 01/09/2007 08:47

We're the opposite of the OP. DH starts planning and putting his clothes ready weeks before we go.
I'm a list-maker, but don't actually pack until last minute.
Dds are old enough to be given their own lists - and if they forget or miss something we buy it locally.
But I have to say sometimes getting ready to go away is not worth the stress!

LazyLinePainterJane · 01/09/2007 12:33

Personally, I think it's all your own fault for trying to plan everything weeks in advance, making yourself very stressed by making everything far more complicated than it needs to be and then moaning that you are so stressed!

It doesn't need doing that far in advance. You make a rod for your own back by trying to make out that things are harder than they actually are.

Surely you would want to make your life as simple as possible?

Ripeberry · 01/09/2007 13:18

If i get angry with my DH, he just asks me if i've had anything to eat.
Cos 9 times out of 10, i'm in a bad mood/stressed because i've NOT EATEN!
He thinks he's always right and damit! he almost always is...or so i let him think so .
AB

ledodgy · 01/09/2007 13:23

I can never understand this huge thing people make about packing to go on holiday. As long as everything is washed you're ok. I always pack the night before if you forget something there are shops although I have never forgotten anything yet. I've been known to take an iron rather than iron before so I can iron the odd top or whatever if needed when i'm there!

NKF · 01/09/2007 13:38

Why can't he pack his own stuff?

NKF · 01/09/2007 13:39

Or more to the point - why are you packing his stuff? Obviously he can pack his.

CHOCOLATEPEANUT · 01/09/2007 13:42

I agree.Dont do his stuff.Hes not a child and you already have two children and yourself to look after

I am a list person but I also make them for my dh so hes as busy as I am!!

dragonstitcher · 01/09/2007 17:14

Sounds exactly like my DH. He expects me to know what to pack and then has a go at me for not bringing something he wants. Grrr

pointydog · 01/09/2007 17:18

Getting ready to go on holiday can be very stressful, lowfat. Expext more swearing until you finally get to your destination.

pointydog · 01/09/2007 17:19

And we leave it till night before, maybe two days, to help reduce the stress a little.

Holidays are not all rosy fun at all, esp with two very small children.

pointydog · 01/09/2007 17:21

JUst read thread. You're getting a bit of a rollicking, aren't you?

fillyjonk · 01/09/2007 17:41

there is no need for all this list making and stuff, really. WHY have you been "making lists for weeks"? What on EARTH is on them?

To go on holiday with kids you need: clothes for everyone (pretty much anywhere will have either a washing machine or a laundrette). Dp of course gets his own bag and sorts himself out, him being (I presume) over the age of consent and all. You need bad/good weather stuff.

At just 4, my ds packs his own bag with whatever toys etc he wants. I add a few of the favourite books, nudge him towards prefered toys etc.

I also pack a crap weather bag with games and suchlike.

Food-by all means, take some stuff to get you over the first day or so but they WILL have food there. Honestly. If you are worried, go to the sites of the big supermarkets and find your nearest one, they might even deliver.

If you haven't got somewhere with a washing machine, there will probably be a laundrette.

Oh and WHY pray is he looking at the route? I hope he's not doing all the driving...this is not a good plan ime.

pointydog · 01/09/2007 17:47

We make alist the night before. A List is var helpful.

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