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AIBU?

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Original poster

To want to write an honest review of this air BnB guest?

119 replies

drainednow · 27/01/2020 15:56

Time has now passed so I don't think I can but don't know what else to do

I Wanted to specify only women to stay in my property with me and was advised by Air BnB that would be discrimination against men

Ended up taking 2 bookings from men - one who booked under his wife's account and then announced it would be him - was fine but uncomfortable stay

Second was young bloke who when I exited my bathroom in morning had his bedroom door wide open (across from bathroom so direct line of sight - flat is 54 sq foot so tiny) and was naked on the bed wanking

His reaction to me closing the door abruptly told me he had intended to be seen (weird as fuck I'm 44 not hot and not interested - he was in his 20s)

Air BnB said defamation if I put it on his review (14 days passed now)

How can I protect myself without having to stop renting out my second bedroom to make ends meet but not accept men to stay as Air BnB won't permit discrimination?

OP posts:
Uncompromisingwoman · 27/01/2020 17:38

The comment from Whynosnowyet upthread is terrifying:
Me and dh stayed at an amazing B&B a few years ago in Wales.
Got an email a while back saying she was closing after being gang raped one night by guests

Women have always been at risk from some men and Airbnb's refusal to allow you to protect yourself is appalling. Incredibly we are now in a place where women's safety matters little to governments and organisations like Airbnb compared to "inclusion" laws. This is our daughter's future. Sad

TulipCat · 27/01/2020 17:40

Personally, if I was living at the property, I would not want a stream of random people off the internet entering my living space. Surely a lodger is a better way to make money from the room?

unlikelytobe · 27/01/2020 17:43

Have you considered having a Mon - Fri lodger? Someone who works in your town but wants to go home at weekends. You can do this for a few months, doesn't have to be indefinite and still gives you your home to yourself for part of the week. Check websites like spareroom.co.uk, mondaytofriday.com, fivenights.com.

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 27/01/2020 17:44

Gently, people, can we please RTFT rather than victim blaming the OP?

The wanker got on a flight to his home country more or less straight away, so the police weren't interested.

She is trying to not book to men, but Air BnB aren't being clear or helpful about that when she speaks to them (hope you've noticed some experienced hosts have posted links that may help though OP?)

She has cancer and doesn't want a full-time lodger. She wants to make a little bit of money while she's well enough, which Air BnB should be perfect for.

FenellaVelour · 27/01/2020 17:44

Behaviour like this is often the precursor to even more serious sexual offences.
If I were you I would absolutely warn everyone else who might end up letting this man into their home.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 27/01/2020 17:45

I agree with PP that renting a room to a female lodger makes much more sense. If you use Air BnB then you are at the mercy of their policies and processes, which are ultimately designed to maximise their profits not for your own comfort and protection. Whereas if you take in a lodger you are in control, you pick the person according to your own criteria, you set the terms and you can terminate the arrangement if it's not working out. Not without it's problems I'm sure but seems much safer than the position you're in currently.

So sorry about the Wanker, must have been horrible for you Flowers

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 27/01/2020 17:47

Sorry thought I'd RTFT but must have missed the bit where you explained you're not in a position to take in a lodger.

FrannyHy · 27/01/2020 17:49

As I said I insist on guests posting a photo, and also insist that they have verified their ID on airbnb.

I cannot see a guest photo until I accept a booking, this was bought in to prevent discrimination. This is how I managed to let a man book by mistake. He wasn’t British and I thought his Christian name was female.

I have been told that I have to confirm a guest is female before I accept their booking. This has caused offence more than once, not everyone realises I can’t see their photo.

An airbnb guest is allowed to chose a host on how they look before they make a reservation - I doubt if anyone would book with a host who hadn’t a photo posted. Yet hosts can’t see a guest photo before they have accepted their booking.

I have complained about this as have many other hosts.

FrannyHy · 27/01/2020 17:52

This is why I won’t take bookings from couples. I have had regular guests get very frustrated that I won’t allow them to bring their partners.
But the minute I do that, single men could claim they are being discriminated against.

Aswad · 27/01/2020 17:59

Could you use a man’s name and picture on your profile? Or say they’d be staying with you and your ‘husband’. You shouldn’t have to but might be one option to deter the perverts?

Queenest · 27/01/2020 18:03

How blatant can someone be? He clearly wasn’t worried about you reporting him. I guess he figured it’s your word against his. You must have felt very vulnerable OP.

I have to say I wouldn’t be able to have anyone else in my home after that.

Howmanysleepsnow · 27/01/2020 18:06

Surely “I have logged a complaint with the police following this man’s stay/ about my concerns regarding this man’s actions in my home” would not be defamatory. It just states what actions you have taken and is factual in doing so.

Bananabixfloof · 27/01/2020 18:11

Air BnB DO let you discriminate by gender, according to their own *
rules
Gender is no longer the same as sex.
So a woman, as you and I know them can in fact be Male bodied. Fully intact, gametes and chromosomes etc etc.
So even if OP did by mistake book a man, he could self id at the door As a woman and nothing can be done. For all intents and the law he would be the same "gender" as OP

lowlandLucky · 27/01/2020 18:20

Why do people let strangers into their home ? Is money that important that you would risk your life ?

supercee · 27/01/2020 18:24

I feel your pain OP.

I started Airbnb-ing in 2014 when it was relatively new. At first it was great, did whole place lets at first then that got to be too much a hassle so moved to spare room lets and whilst I didn't have anyone as horrific as this wanker, people just expect too much and I had a few which made me doubt whether it was all worth it.

The one time I had to involve Airbnb I felt like they were intent on siding with the guest, no matter what I said.

I totally get the non-committal to a full time lodger. I didn't want one either as I liked my space and at least Airbnb gave you the control over that.

I moved to Mon-Fri lets and never looked back. It's perfect! Especially those who are on fixed term contracts.

unlikelytobe · 27/01/2020 18:25

doesn't want a full-time lodger

Sorry, OP. I suggested a Mon-Fri lodger as a possibility but didn't realise you don't want a lodger at all.

I'm sure there's ways around the Air BnB problem. Good luck!

NameChangeNugget · 27/01/2020 18:29

What a vile man. Hope you’re ok

CodenameVillanelle · 27/01/2020 18:32

Why do people let strangers into their home ? Is money that important that you would risk your life ? Hmm

Higgeldypiggeldy35 · 27/01/2020 18:35

I would tell the police. That's no different to flashing. Also, go along the lines of having a lodger. More security and control over who you allow into your home. I had a Monday to Friday lodger so still had the weekends to myself.

Thymelord · 27/01/2020 18:43

Why do people let strangers into their home ? Is money that important that you would risk your life

What a helpful contribution. Nice bit of victim blaming too. Vile.

SunsetYorks · 27/01/2020 18:43

@supercee where you you find them? I’ve advertised on SpareRoom but can find anywhere else to do so!

MaybeDoctor · 27/01/2020 18:44

I think turning off Instant Book might be the only solution. Or can you just allow couples? Apologies if you have said it is a single room and I have missed it.

I wonder if, pathetic though it is, the only way to put off these chancers is to mention a spouse in your description and update your photos to show male shoes or coats in the common areas.

SunsetYorks · 27/01/2020 18:46

I have a photo of my boyfriend in my profile pic on Airbnb even though he is mostly working away. I know people who use their sons/other family members in their profile.

supercee · 27/01/2020 19:11

@SunsetYorks it was SpareRoom. Feast and famine though, sometimes loads of responses, sometimes hardly any.

Safety wise on Airbnb, I turned off Instant Book, looked at reviews, ensured they wrote a blurb about why they were coming (I think that's a clickable option) and declined anyone who was using someone else's account or booking on behalf of someone else.

You can cancel penalty free if someone has made you feel uneasy if memory serves. I know this doesn't help post booking but still.

Aridane · 27/01/2020 19:13

To be honest, whilst you don't want a long term lodger (chemo etc - Flowers ) - I think you may have to look at the occasional female lodger who you can first meet, verify, references etc. Your recent stressful experiences - even decoupled from the stress of cancer - sound awful

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