To re-home cat over this

[Cloudsandrainbows]

Bit more WWYD than AIBU ...... We have a cat, unfortunate timing when we got him as a kitten as no one home all day, I was staying away with relatives and OH working, so think he wasn't socialised enough as a kitten maybe? Anyway several years down the line he is very affectionate but can still scratch and bite on occasion, mainly if provoked or playing. However he has bitten a friend's daughter, no one saw it happen, but was washed and put a plaster put on, however has become infected and the poor child has now got to have surgery to clean the wound and staying in hospital. I feel awful, I feel responsible, I feel guilty, but he has never hurt anyone this badly before. The parents seem ok, but not sure they would even say right now how they really feel about it as obviously concentrating on child in hospital. I have kids and worry what if he hurt them, but they love him and taking him away may cause more harm. WWYD? Do you think it was unfortunate accident? Would I be silly to consider rehoming our beloved pet over one bad experience in nearly 4 years? Or should I hands down just do it to protect my children, and somehow appease the parents of the child that has been hurt? What would you do in way of apology for this family, obviously already said sorry a thousand times, offered to take things to hospital if they need etc. Anyone got advice on cat behaviour?....could it be because they have a dog and he could smell their dog that made him feel threatened? Should or how can I punish him if he was to bite again? He is a house cat....has a run in the garden, but maybe is that not enough, should I let him out alone and risk him getting run over to give him more freedom to play and not be so wound up in the house?

My son's childminder has cats. 2 of them will absolutely bite or scratch if provoked. I know this. The children know this and the parents know this.

Set boundaries. I definitely would not re-home for this.

A lot of people don't teach their kids not to torment/stress out animals I've noticed. I would just warn visitors. Don't rehome the cat because of one unfortunate incident.

Animals can bite unprovoked my dd walked past a dog that was tied up outside a shop and it lunged at her and badly bit her hand if she had been a toddler it would have been her face luckily she was older

I think just making sure they know not to touch the cat. My cat can't be picked up, if I tell someone and they still pick him up he's likely to scratch in panic their fault
And making sure the cat can get away and chill out somewhere high up or a hidden spot

It's very, very rare for a cat bite to result in hospital admission. In my experience most bites can be handled at home unless they're puncture wounds in which case antibiotics are generally recommended to prevent infection.

One of my cats is perfectly happy to be picked up and fussed but the other is pretty intolerant. I'm the only person who can pick him up without him scratching or biting - if DH needs to move him, he asks me because the cat will go for him. He was a rescue (the cat, not DH!) and we think abused by men as he's really skittish around them.

If someone picked him up or tried to fuss him after I'd warned them not to, it would be entirely their fault if they got bitten or scratched. For that precise reason, I don't let my 9yo niece go near him without someone supervising so that if he starts to look comfortable I can get her to come away. He's actually surprisingly tolerant of her but I wouldn't want her to get hurt. It only takes a second, after all.

Hopefully the little girl is okay and I'm really glad you decided to keep your cat :)

I'd keep an eye on it for a while when you have people over, especially children. And maybe make sure kids know not to approach the cat, let the cat come to them etc.? I've found most kids seem to want to interact with our cats as you would with a dog. Ours just leave / hide if that gets too much, but it wouldn't be a leap to think a cat might get scared and defend itself, even if the child isn't intending any harm at all.

I don't know if it is too late to "socialise" your cat at this stage. With a kitten, the easiest way to socialise is to have another cat to teach them proper play. As a human, you can't paw / bite etc. your cat (or at least, you really really shouldn't), but another cat could.

So, maybe predictably, I think the solution to your problem might not be to have fewer cats, but more :-D

I've had a reaction like this to a cat bite. It can take hold very quickly. I was bitten in a finger joint and my arm was starting to swell up within 24 hours. Very scary.

The trouble with indoor cats (even those that have a run) is that they need companionship and play. Cats also learn through positive learning, not punishment. Punishing your cat will just make him more scared and bitey. Cats don't bite in anger like dogs. They bite when they are very scared.

We adopted a feral kitten, who was unsocialized and pretty ferocious (he bit everyone)! It took a while to socialize, but the best thing we did was getting a little friend, who was especially socialized. He still gets scared sometimes but is now very friendly to everyone, especially my young nephew who he adores.

So, my suggestion is to play with him gently and make him feel more secure. Get him a little friend perhaps, so he has someone else to play with. You don't say if he's had the snip, but if he hasn't, that will also help. And don't let small children play with him unless they are gentle or supervised. Make sure they know not to threaten him, to leave him alone if he gets antsy and never ever back him into a corner. It may take a little time, but he will be fine.

I wouldn't rehome the cat, I always make sure the cat is outside when we have visitors, the cat sleeps all day mostly but is a different creature at night. The cat is fairly picky about its human friends. When other children come in the cat looks around the door and then heads to the flower pot outside

Cats don't bite in anger like dogs. They bite when they are very scared.

A lot of dog bites come from fear as well. Dogs learn that aggression/biting/barking/snarling works to get something away from them, so they keep doing it.

@PinkSparklyPussyCat the trouble is, we don't know if the DC "provoked" (for want of a better word) the cat as OP wasn't there - and the DC is four years old. Not really old enough (I don't think anyway) to be trusted not to try and pick the cat up, for example. So they need supervision, especially when this is a cat that is already known to bite and scratch.

We don't know what happened, if the DC weren't playing with the cat and it was just grumpy and annoyed by noise, or the DC tried to hold its tail or kiss it, or whatever. This is my point - OP knew cat was prone to biting and left a four year old alone with it. (And a four year old that isn't your own, you supervise even more I think!)

So yes, if this was my four year old I would be very upset and angry indeed.

IME your cat was provoked and defended himself. I have two young kids and an indoor cat. My cat will tell them off gently if they are being a bit rough. Loud meow and putting her paws on their shoulders. She is really chilled but a lot of cats aren't.

You could get some extra toys to burn off his energy or even a cat wheel and train him to run on that. You could train the cat to walk with a harness for some outdoor time. Have a look on pinterest for some catio ideas, this will give him some outdoor time and he will be safe.

The extra energy isn't to do with biting imo.

If I was this parent I would be looking to you to meet any costs incurred by this.

Absolutely not! If you don't teach your DC to respect animals or don't supervise them then it is YOUR responsibility if something goes wrong. ALL animals will react if provoked. Don't forget that to a cat, even a 4-year-old seems like a giant.

Kids really piss off cats... probably the kids fault. My friends son got scratched by my cat on the arm, and turns out he had him cornered in a room upstairs. Lesson learned for him anyway!

Poor you!

I had an absolute bastard cat once who I loved but would attack visitors. I warned EVERYONE who came in NOT to touch the cat. Some did anyway and were bitten.

The cat loved my babies who knew the cat’s boundaries. Although they do have a couple of scars...!

Cats are basically wild hunters with evil bacteria in their mouths that paralyses their prey. Bites can be very bad for humans.

I agree that you should let your cat outside more but please don’t beat yourself up.

Would people leave their dog unsupervised in with someone else's four year old?

And yes, I know a dog is not a cat, but this is a cat already known to bite and the result is a child that has had surgery and been in hospital for a week.

People are very quick to condemn this four year old for provoking the cat, but the child is four and should still be supervised with things like other people's pets, ovens, glasses, permanent marker pens etc etc.

If this four year old has drawn all over the wall with paint, people would have said don't leave the four year old unsupervised with paint, but in this scenario people are blaming the four year old!

So I'm not saying the cat is at fault or the child is at fault - I'm saying this they should have been supervised especially with the knowledge the cat already bites, and if I was the parent of the four year old I would be angry.

My DC had a finger broken on a play date (hate that word!) but it was an accident that couldn't have been foreseen in any way and the parent was there. If the parent had left them alone with a door known to be faulty I would have been equally angry.

I wouldn't rehome a cat because of this. You need to make sure in the future you don't leave an unsupervised child with it. Cats don't just bite for no reason.

The point is that the CHILD should be supervised, not the cat. Supervised by its parent, not the cat owner. Children can be taught to be careful around animals. Animals just react.

Hopefully, the parents will now be more vigilant and careful.

I think the child's parents weren't there as OP says "I was downstairs" etc?

Cat bites can be incredibly nasty. I got bitten by my one cat once. It was free we took him to the vet and he'd soiled himself so badly that he needed a bath when we got home. I would have left him but on vets advice I had to wash him, he was covered so badly. And he bit me very hard. Drew blood immediately and cause a LOT of bruising. It was my fault, I was holding him in a bath of water. Anyway, I needed antibiotics and a tetanus jab.

That being said, he's never bitten anyone before or after this but has always been defensive around new people, so when I have visitors here that don't mind cats I tell them to leave him alone and not to stroke him or anything, but if I have visitors with kids come I lock him in the bathroom, for everyone's safety and mainly so he doesn't get unnecessarily stressed out by the kids who think he's cute and want to stroke him. Otherwise he's an incredibly loving cat that wants cuddles all the time off us, he's just not fussed on "outsiders" coming into our home.

I'm guessing your cat felt cornered by the child who was an unknown to him and he was defending his space.

I'd just be careful with visitors and put him in a safe place when children come to your house. And tell people not to fuss him as he doesn't like it. I wouldn't rehome him. Also don't leave your kids unattended with him. My kids are 15 and 11. They're old enough to make their own minds up. But small children ought to be supervised with any animal really. Animals can't tell you to back off, they show you instead.

Thank you AutumnCat

Just to clarify to a few others who likely are not cat owners. He does not have a history of aggression. Like all cats he has bitten and scratched as a kitten but only in play or if provoked. He has never viciously attacked or stalked my children or anyone elses. It seems an unfortunate accident, and by the way the little girl is going to be ok, and there doesn't seem to be any bad feelings from the parents, which I am relieved about as they are friends I wouldn't want to loose. As I write my cat is headbutting my iPad and licking my face trying to get attention for breakfast, he wouldn't mean to cause harm I'm sure and was likely scared or threatened at the time of the incident. If my children cry he comes running, and somehow knows if you are feeling unwell and will lay on you ..which granted isn't always what you want when feeling ill, but just shows his usual character.

Just be very clear that the cat bites and scratches if bothered so please don't try and pet the cat. I would also start letting it out. Our cat is worse and more likely to scratch or bite if he has been cooped up for too long. I love our cat but he can suddenly grab you when you are stroking him. I look v carefully at his eyes and body language before stroking and move away before he gets over stimulated.

My neighbours cat bit me and left a gaping hole in my hand. I was so upset, but I knew he was a "wild one", and that I shouldn't have tried to stuff him out of my house via the cat flap. I'd just locked the back door, he came in uninvited, and I couldn't be bothered to unlock the door. Knowing that cats mouths are full of germs, I took myself straight to A&E for a tetanus injection. The ovely nurse said I'd done the right thing. To this day, I haven't told my neighbour what happened because it was my fault.

I know someone whom tells parents off if their children approach her dogs to stroke them.

If I were the parent of the child who was bitten and I knew you got rid of your cat because of this, I would have trouble being friends with you.
I would feel so bad about it that I would probably be trying to adopt the cat myself.

Many/most cats bite when they are bothered by kids, or overstimulated in general. Bites can occasionally get infected. That is just bad luck. Your cat does not do this all the time- you say this is the first time you have had a problem in 4 years.

Your cat sounds normal. You should probably try to keep him out of the way if you have several kids visiting. I occasionally put my cats in a bedroom for a few hours if we have multiple visitors, and the cats might not love it, but they are ok.

Glad you’re not rehoming OP as he sounds a lot like my youngest cat and as you said, the cat can be on the opposite end of the house on another floor one minute and in the room with the children the next. It’s hard to martial them when they’re stealthy and quick! I know of one woman who needed surgery after a particularly nasty scratch from her own cat, she was mildly allergic but the depth of the scratch meant her arm swelled and needed internal treatment to reduce the swelling/spread of infection to the blood stream. She was absolutely fine afterwards and admits she had been desperately trying to wrestle the cat into a carrier for his vet appointment and he panicked massively. These things can happen to people with loads of experience with cats in a flash.

You’ve apologised for the cats behaviour- if I were the other parents in this scenario the most I would ask if for the cat to maybe be closed into another room if coming around with the child who got bitten. I hope they understand that this is just one of those accidents that can happen and when they’ve gotten their Daughter back home and well they will leave it there.