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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To re-home cat over this

150 replies

Cloudsandrainbows · 26/01/2020 22:33

Bit more WWYD than AIBU ...... We have a cat, unfortunate timing when we got him as a kitten as no one home all day, I was staying away with relatives and OH working, so think he wasn't socialised enough as a kitten maybe? Anyway several years down the line he is very affectionate but can still scratch and bite on occasion, mainly if provoked or playing. However he has bitten a friend's daughter, no one saw it happen, but was washed and put a plaster put on, however has become infected and the poor child has now got to have surgery to clean the wound and staying in hospital. I feel awful, I feel responsible, I feel guilty, but he has never hurt anyone this badly before. The parents seem ok, but not sure they would even say right now how they really feel about it as obviously concentrating on child in hospital. I have kids and worry what if he hurt them, but they love him and taking him away may cause more harm. WWYD? Do you think it was unfortunate accident? Would I be silly to consider rehoming our beloved pet over one bad experience in nearly 4 years? Or should I hands down just do it to protect my children, and somehow appease the parents of the child that has been hurt? What would you do in way of apology for this family, obviously already said sorry a thousand times, offered to take things to hospital if they need etc. Anyone got advice on cat behaviour?....could it be because they have a dog and he could smell their dog that made him feel threatened? Should or how can I punish him if he was to bite again? He is a house cat....has a run in the garden, but maybe is that not enough, should I let him out alone and risk him getting run over to give him more freedom to play and not be so wound up in the house?

OP posts:
AmelieTaylor · 26/01/2020 23:48

You don’t need to rehome. & you don’t need to get an outdoor cat house either.

Parents need to teach their children not to annoy the cat. 🐱

I wonder how well they looked after the bite? It’s very unusual for a cat bite to need surgery!

Jessie9323 · 26/01/2020 23:48

Don't rehome your cat over this. If he is fine around your children then I would 100% assume it's something the child has done. I've got 4 cats and have seen people bring their children to my house who allow their kids to antagonise or chase the cats around even after I've told them not too. I'm not saying this is what the other child did but you would have brought your kids up knowing to respect the cats space

Coyoacan · 26/01/2020 23:50

I have always had cats and been frequently bitten in play. I have never ever had an infected wound myself.

It was hard luck on the little girl and I hope she gets better soon, but fortunately it is extremely unusual for a cat bite to be anything more than a nuisance.

princessTiasmum · 26/01/2020 23:50

Cats dont bite for no reason,he was probably being provoked, just tell any children not to try and play with him, as he doesn't like it
Do not put him down or rehome him,he is a cat,he was protecting himself

Besidesthepoint · 26/01/2020 23:51

Children tend to provoke cats. The kids see it as playing but actually they stress the cat out and make it feel very threatened. Teach your own child how to handle a cat and don't let strange kids alone with the cat.

nearlyrev · 26/01/2020 23:52

Don't rehome kitty. Just supervise when around children in the future. No one saw what happened therefore the cat could have easily have felt threatened by something the DC did etc.....

Craftycorvid · 26/01/2020 23:53

When I was a child it was always made quite clear that if a cat bit or scratched me when I’d annoyed it, that was my problem and not the cat’s. I got bitten/scratched quite a bit! I never got an infected bite and I think the child has been unlucky. No cause to re-home your puss, I think.

Expressedways · 27/01/2020 00:13

Infections from cat bites are quite common as they have loads of bacteria in their mouths. I thought the advice was to always see a doctor but I don’t live in the UK so perhaps that’s different. I hope the little girl will be ok but don’t rehome the cat. It certainly sounds like it was provoked by her because no one bothered to supervise. Ideally small children shouldn’t ever be left alone with animals but if that isn’t feasible e.g. kids playing in bedrooms then you should make point of telling them not to touch the cat. I’d also let the cat go outside and make sure it has safe space away from the children e.g. high up cat tree.

Marleyj8 · 27/01/2020 00:13

Not cats fault. It's very unusual for a cat to just bite for no reason, the child may have provoked it somehow? Was the child closely supervised with the cat? Feel bad for the child though but also the cat. Please don't re home straight away.

Marleyj8 · 27/01/2020 00:16

I meant to add..
Please don't make any hasty decisions!
The cat has not done this regularly, it's more than likely to be an isolated incident. You knew that scratching and biting could be a possibility when you first had the cat as with any animal they can be unpredictable.

Sonichu · 27/01/2020 00:17

YOUR children might know how to behave around animals and what your cat's boundaries are, but you don't know that strange children will. So yes, you DO need to watch them constantly for the sake of your cat!

1300cakes · 27/01/2020 00:23

No need to rehome the cat. It was just an accident. You do have to supervise visiting children and animals, you can be a bit more relaxed with your own children. Presumably the cat is familiar with them, and they are familiar with the cat and know how to treat him. In fact he's probably part of the furniture to them so they probably ignore him most of the time. Whereas the visiting little girl probably got excited at seeing a new kitty, and ran over and picked him up awkwardly or something. He was frightened and bit her. Not blaming her obviously as I would have done the same thing as a kid.

Scotmummy1216 · 27/01/2020 00:26

The other thing to think about is is the cat happy? Is it distressed and possibly needs a calmer home. It may need a child free home, i know difficult when yous are very fond but might be for best of the cat. If you do rehome please go via a charitable organisation or sell the cat for money as you are more likely to get genuine buyer you can trust rather than if you put it up for free. Hope the little girl is better soon.

BinkyBaa · 27/01/2020 00:31

It's a freak accident OP, nobody is going to die if you forget about it and carry on as normal.

Sadiee88 · 27/01/2020 00:37

Cats - scratch & bite, sometimes in play.
Took my 3 year old to a cat cafe (she was desperate for a cat) and she got scratched.... she didn’t do anything to the cat, the cat was just playing ... it happens!

CSIblonde · 27/01/2020 00:43

She might love animals, but is she used to cats :she could have scared him, grabbed his tail or used her hands as play tools etc. Cats usually run if scared IME. My neighbours teen is 'very into animals' but the Dcat has always been very scared of her. She can be timid until she knows you so I thought nothing of it. Teen recently let slip that when she was 9,she picked up & swung her by her tail "so she only let's me stroke her now if you're there too" . So obv DC has long memory. Teen does love animals, but on her terms, they're dolls to play with & their needs are incidental ).

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 27/01/2020 00:48

Cat bites often get infected (think what they lick!) for future reference any dog or cat bite should be treated with antibiotics as a precaution.

I haven't known a cat actively seek out someone to bite them so I would think that the 4 year old accidentally hurt the cat and it lashed out .

I wouldn't re-home.

Streamside · 27/01/2020 00:53

I'm sure the probability of what happened to this child was extraordinarily low and it's very unfortunate.
You don't know what the child did to the cat and they seemed to have invaded it's territory. Move on from this asap.

scaryteacher · 27/01/2020 00:54

If I startle deaf cat, then he either tries to bite or swipe me. I wouldn't rehome him for that; it's my fault for not making sure he knows I'm there.

The little girl will have learned not to irritate the cat again.

SirChompsAlot · 27/01/2020 01:10

I’m just here to deliver a PSA on the subject of cat bites 👌

I’m an ex-zookeeper so I was fully aware that any animal bite that breaks the skin should be treated very seriously.

Cats narrow and long teeth create a type of deep puncture wound that is especially prone to infection and the potential for complications (such as cellulitis which can progress to sepsis or leave permanent damage on delicate areas like the hands).

A cat bite that has punctured the skin requires thorough scrubbing with soap and hot water followed by antibiotics.

If you’re out of hours when it happens you should go to a walk in clinic or A&E.

I was bitten by my own cat earlier this year (he’d been attacked by dogs and I was saving/catching him by throwing a coat over him and he bit me straight through it).

It was 9pm on a Sunday night and my GP friend confirmed I should go to A&E.
Pic 1 - is me sat in A&E with the fresh wound.
Pic 2 - (orange colour is just iodine) is the same wound 3 days later with dark pink infection tracking down to my palm despite the fact I was already taking antibiotics.

The infection then subsided but imagine if I hadn’t already been seen and wasn’t already under treatment.

TL:DR - scrub a cat bite thoroughly with hot water and soap. Then get medical treatment ASAP.

GabsAlot · 27/01/2020 01:10

She obviously had an adverse reaction ive never heard of a bite going spetic in this country from a cat

she could have provoked it or he was just on the defense as he didnt know the girl

dont rehome over this

SirChompsAlot · 27/01/2020 01:10

Forgot the pics like a plonker 👌

Retroflex · 27/01/2020 01:21

@Cloudsandrainbows as @SirChompsAlot has said, I was also "bitten" (cats don't actually bite, they puncture) a few years ago. I had rolled over in bed, my arm fell out and landed on her (I assume) because the next thing she had bitten me. The problem was it was at my wrist, and as I flexed, her "fang" went deeper into the tissue and hit my bone apparently... I know this because by the following morning, despite scrubbing at the time, the infection was tracking up my arm, and I was swollen way past my elbow! I spent the next 10 days on a surgical ward, having 2 lots of antibiotics at a time administered intravenously!

I still have my cat, years later, and she's never bitten me since!

Cats generally do not bite unless they've been provoked, hurt or frightened...

SirChompsAlot · 27/01/2020 10:07

I should add.

Cats are their own people. Your cat has a limit to what it can tolerate and has its own ways to demonstrate this, the vast majority of cats are like this.
It’s nothing to do with how much time he spent alone when he was younger or any of that.

When I rescued my cat he was extremely defensive and reacted to anything more than two strokes on the head or neck.
He’d lived his three years with a 1-4yr old child who was allowed to manhandle him whenever she wanted. The reason he was being rehomed was that he had given the child a big scratch across her face (luckily missing anything important and doing no lasting damage).
Cats don’t chase you to get back at you so I can only imagine how it happened... 🤷‍♀️

He is absolutely chilled as hell with us but any time a visitor steps inside our house he becomes immediately tense. You can see his entire body language change. He will pace around the house, unsettled and not sitting for a nap. He looks physically wound up ready to defend himself. His tail will be constantly flicking and he will sit staring at anyone near him.

Almost without fail (I’ve had three who were cat whisperers for him lol!) visitors don’t see how ready to defend he is. He will take up a position off the ground (where he feels safer) on the end of a sofa or on a table. Visitors can not resist his beautiful staring eyes and they put their faces on his level and stare back!!! This is fighting talk to most cats!

My point is that my cat can sleep at eye level on the pillow next to me but I know he will potentially attack any stranger in the house if they come within striking range.

It’s my job to protect both him and them in whatever way is necessary for that short time.

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 27/01/2020 10:24

Was the cat fairly high up on the scratching post (you said it was huge)? I usually assume that if a cat is high up there is a chance that they are unsettled and want to watch from a distance.

I work on the general principle that if an animal is trying to move away from contact in some way, you don’t follow without a very good reason.