To re-home cat over this

[Cloudsandrainbows]

Bit more WWYD than AIBU ...... We have a cat, unfortunate timing when we got him as a kitten as no one home all day, I was staying away with relatives and OH working, so think he wasn't socialised enough as a kitten maybe? Anyway several years down the line he is very affectionate but can still scratch and bite on occasion, mainly if provoked or playing. However he has bitten a friend's daughter, no one saw it happen, but was washed and put a plaster put on, however has become infected and the poor child has now got to have surgery to clean the wound and staying in hospital. I feel awful, I feel responsible, I feel guilty, but he has never hurt anyone this badly before. The parents seem ok, but not sure they would even say right now how they really feel about it as obviously concentrating on child in hospital. I have kids and worry what if he hurt them, but they love him and taking him away may cause more harm. WWYD? Do you think it was unfortunate accident? Would I be silly to consider rehoming our beloved pet over one bad experience in nearly 4 years? Or should I hands down just do it to protect my children, and somehow appease the parents of the child that has been hurt? What would you do in way of apology for this family, obviously already said sorry a thousand times, offered to take things to hospital if they need etc. Anyone got advice on cat behaviour?....could it be because they have a dog and he could smell their dog that made him feel threatened? Should or how can I punish him if he was to bite again? He is a house cat....has a run in the garden, but maybe is that not enough, should I let him out alone and risk him getting run over to give him more freedom to play and not be so wound up in the house?

‘ I Have never had cause to supervise the cat, around my 4 year old’

And here is the mistake OP.

You never leave a pet alone with other people’s children. Your children learn boundary’s and tend to just ignore them/ learn the cats limits and the cat learns to walk off etc.

I don’t think you should re home your cat but I think you need to understand that this happened due to irresponsible pet ownership and poor parenting.

No singular is to blame- it’s a mixed effort of disaster so don’t feel bad, learn from it.

My cat has never scratched or bit us and when he’s had enough he gets up and leaves the room but I still wouldn’t leave him unattended with a child that is a stranger to him.

We have an indoor cat (11 years). She only leaves the house to go to the vet. No time in garden etc....She is so gentle and knows not to bite. Personally I would blame the child.

Or maybe it's just cat lovers who are odd.

No, as a child, I was taught to respect cats - leave them alone, when eating or sleeping or when the tail is wagging and the ears are back! I knew which cats were grumpy - some are (we rescued several kittens being maltreated or took in feral cats). I taught my children the same rules. Apart from said grumpy cats, cats do not attack for no reason from their POV! It’s simply a matter of understanding the cat!

I don’t think going outside makes a cat more aggressive btw.

My indoor cat was bitey and scratchy. I had to smack him off my arm once in a panic because he bit me and wouldn’t let go.
We eventually let him go outside and it calmed him down.

We have a different cat now as we sadly had to put the other to sleep last year, and he gos outside and hunts etc and is the most gentle cat I think I’ve ever come across. He doesn’t even nip when he’s playing. He rolls onto his back and doesn’t attack you when you rub his belly.

If you know cats can't be trained, and you know they can bite or scratch when provoked or simply when irked, and you also know you can't supervise your children and cat together all the time, why on Earth would you have a cat when you have children?

Because you train the child not the cat. My daughter knows you leave our cats alone unless they come to you and if they want to get off your lap you let them go.

Maybe your kitten has not been socialised correctly?
The OP has said she is aware this might be at least part of the issue. And you can only 'socialise' cats so far.

When you've children who may mither the cat visiting, you have only to pop the cat in another room. No need for an outside space or stlking the cat/child.
My Mum hated cats. We'd close the door when shge was visiting so the cats couldn't bother her. Easy peasy. Likewise protecting a cat from a child who'll bother it.

Keep your cat indoors if you like. An outdoor cat will not really help this situation. You could put up cat shelves for the cat to retreat to when felt threatened. Plenty of ideas on cat shelves if you look at images on Google. Cats also like to chill uphigh so having designated cat chill out places is always a good idea. Cats carry bacteria so bites/scratches often get infected making the would worse. Good hygiene when you or dc have cuts would prevent it being an issue.
Teach your dc and visitors that is the cats choice to come and interact with them, they are not to approach the cat. Cats are unlikely to bite/scratch when they feel safe. Always letting the cat choose if it wants human attention and being able to retreat far enough away but still keep an eye on things will help him/her feel safe.
These things happen, no one's fault and you are being a responsible cat owner by finding out about how to prevent and what to do if future.
Using fear or violence to punish a cat will make them scared of humans and consequently more aggressive towards you. Treat your cat kindly and with respect and your cat will be gentle with humans. If cat goes to scratch/ bite in future, walk out the room and close the door behind you, leaving the cat on its own. That will be all the punishment you need.

I wouldn't do anything if I were you, one of my cats has behavioural issues (had a behaviourist out to him) he used to lunge at children and has bitten people completely unprovoked but with your cat it sounds like completely normal behaviour to a unfamiliar child probably upsetting him. Cat bites get infected really easily, I worked as a vet nurse for years and the advice was always to get antibiotics for cat bites straightaway, I've known several people be hospitalised over them, people just don't realise how serious they can be but it it isn't the cats fault

Infections happen as our mouths are dirty. Even human, btw. When my cat nipped me because she's a random moody jerk, I watched it like a hawk and that was only a very superficial graze that didn't break the skin.
What happened is unfortunate but you're totally overthinking it. Get a grip. Things happen. Next time you know to tell everybody straight away to stay away from the cat. Our cat comes with a manual and a warning to not touch her.

I have never known a cat bite need surgery, i was bitten by a cat a few years ago,and my hand swelled immediately,i went and got some antibiotics and a tetanus, done and sorted
If the child did need surgery what was it? can't believe that
Did the parents tell you what surgery, and how long was it left before getting medical attention?

Second most other people in saying your friends daughter probably didn’t understand the cats small ‘leave me alone’ signals - especially if she’s not overly familiar with cats. Cats also will tolerate a lot more from familiar children in my experience than visiting ones.

In future I’d suggest having one room that cat is allowed into that the children don’t access so it has a safe space if it gets overwhelmed - if you have a suitable room/area that is. I don’t let my four cats into my bedroom as a general day to day rule but if my twins have a play date arranged I open the door to the bedroom, take one litter tray onto the landing upstairs (with a big waterproof mat underneath) and a bowl of water/biscuits so they can camp out upstairs without being jumped by visiting children, I explain no kids upstairs unless supervised but then my twins are only 2yo so they don’t roam up there freely anyway. It seems to have worked well so far

I have a lovely cat, but he will get scratchy and bitey when he's being bothered. He's never broken skin with his teeth, but he will definitely bite. My kids adore him, and he loves them, but they have been taught to identity the signs that he's getting fed up (it's all in the tail). They've both been scratched by him but it's because they were doing something they shouldn't (carried on stroking him when the tail started going for example). The cat will do what cats naturally do. I certainly don't follow my kids around, the cat often sleeps on their beds.
If they have friends over, the DC's will
Always introduce them to the cat, and I tell the visiting child not to bother him. They can stroke him, but I'll let them know if his tail starts going they need to stop or they'll get scratched.
Of course you shouldn't rehome, OP.

Oh and my cat puts up with way more from my youngest DC than he would from anyone else (not bad behaviour, just being picked up etc), there is so much to be said for familiarity (and love )

Just an update. I will not rehome my cat, and never wanted to. I was more concerned with what the child's parents would expect me to do, and as fellow parents, I wanted to know what you would expect, and how you would feel about it?
I'm fully aware cats can scratch and bite, I've had cats my whole life and been bitten/scratched by all of them at some point but never had an infection. I have obviously always cleaned any wounds, and am aware cats obviously carry germs, but I was not aware that medical treatment should be sought on every occasion, so that is something I have learnt. Needless to say the wound was immediately cleaned at the time, and the parents sought out of hours medical advice that evening, yet still within 24 hours they had to go to hospital, as the antibiotics given had not stopped the swelling.
Just to clarify a few points, and dispell the assumption I am an irresponsible cat owner! We got our current cat at approximately 16-18 weeks old (can't remember exactly) from a registered breeder and he always has all his injections and is very loved. He has several scratching posts and boxes around the house, as well as toys, his favourite being a lazer pointer which the kids are not allowed to use and is not in reach. He is free to roam the garden when I'm out there, or has a run when I'm not. He is very very affectionate but usually steers clear of the kids unless they are sitting down watching TV for example. He will go to his scratching tree to get away or top of wardrobe, high windowcil, which I imagine he was doing at the time, and obviously didn't want the attention the child gave him. I have tought my children, and they know not to bother him, and to let him come to them. Kids will be kids, and cats will be cats. No I wasn't supervising at that precise moment so I don't know what happened. I had left the kids playing, the cat wasn't in the room with them, and came back to my youngest and other guests. The child had been told by her parents to leave the cat alone upon coming in, as he is always there if ever the door opens to see who's coming or going, and the child stroked him and then left him alone. The scratching post he was on is not in the room where the children were. If I have failed as a parent, then I have failed by not supervising, but lesson learnt, however not appreciating the poor parenting comments! We are all human and do not have eyes in the back of our heads. To be honest would rather just not have people round than have to follow my cat around the house and watch where guests go all the time. And I don't want to shut him in another room or outside if cold/wet, it is his home. He has bitten/scratched my kids before now and I have not thought anything of it, as they have provoked him and his reactions have been quicker than mine, but no serious injuries have been sustained, and they have been when the cat was younger and the kids were still learning, but they all love him anyway.
I am shocked by the affects of this cat bite on the child. Antibiotics were given the same day but by the following morning the infection had got worse and they are still in hospital several days later but seems things have improved. I feel terrible for what has happened and don't want to lose friends or my cat over it, so hope that there are no hard feelings from the family 🤞
Some of you say surgery seems very extreme, I thought so too, but apparently because the swelling hadn't gone down following antibiotics, although the redness had stopped spreading and had improved, they cut open the marks to release any infection and have left a bigger open wound. They will hopefully be allowed home soon but I am told will have to go back for check ups. Perhaps like some say it was just an unfortunate extreme case?

Cat bites are horrendous. They get infected really quickly but no you should never leave a child unsupervised with an animal. She may have pulled it's tail or got carried away with playing.
It isn't the poor cats fault.
My cat will bite anyone who provokes her, she is 19 and very cranky.
My neighbour repeatedly went to pick her up despite being endlessly warned and got badly bitten a year ago and ended up in hospital.
She admitted that she was warned on numerous occasions.
Kitty isn't aggressive but just wants to be left alone.
I wouldn't rehome the cat.

I would tell my son off for aggravating a cat, they are not toys btw. Never the cat's fault.

Not your fault either - just bad luck.

I wouldn’t get rid of my cats because of this. Cats get easily over excited. My cats can hurt me at times, I’m to blame not them.

If a child’s parent expected me to rehome my cats or rabbits I would stop the friendship before abandon my pets.

My pets are my BABIES though.

Just chill, stop taking all the accountability as you’ll never know exactly what happened.
maybe talk to your vet about how you can help clean his teeth and ensure other children who your cat isn’t used to, understand that even if they really really want to play, when he’s on ‘his’ tower, he’s probably retreating to get some space from them and should be left alone.

@cloudsandrainbows I really feel for you. Keep your cat and keep on doing what you're doing. The other parents have no right to expect you to get rid of the cat and it sounds like the child mostly knows how to behave around cats which suggests the parents do too. As you say, kids will be kids, and cats will be cats. You've said sorry plenty of times and that's the most you can do. Maybe invite the whole family over when the little girl is better so they all have a chance to see the cat calmly again and not become unduly scared? Take care x

I absolutely love cats, but if I was this child's parents I would be furious that you knew the cat already had a history of biting, and still left the cat and child unsupervised. It's telling that you wrote a couple of big paragraphs defending yourself before even saying the child is still in hospital.

Having a DC in hospital, especially unexpectedly is expensive. The parents may have had to time off work, or pay for additional childcare for other DC, they will have had to pay car parking charges for hospital visits which isn't cheap, or taxis/public transport. I hope you have offered to pay all their expenses.

It may be worth checking your insurance for liability - IIRC our cat insurance covers liability for damage/injury provided we have been "responsible" owners eg didn't know of previous biting etc. I think there was a difference between "normal" behaviour eg clawing property and "severe damage" like biting someone. It's definitely worth checking. Especially if you knew the cat had a history of aggression. If I was this parent I would be looking to you to meet any costs incurred by this.

Your poor cat! Keep the cat. Don’t let kids follow or be alone with a cat. The cat will be a cat and is not there to teach young kids how to behave with cats. The little one (the kid) has no idea how to treat a cat and is more at fault here.

If I was this parent I would be looking to you to meet any costs incurred by this.

And I would be looking to you to teach your child to respect animals and not visit if they didn't.

When my friend's children were young I explained to them that if they pulled his tail/whiskers/ears (they had form with other cats) then he would most likely bite or scratch them and hurt them and it would be their own fault. They never went near him.