Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell the school they don't use carseats?

99 replies

CapnSquirrel · 26/01/2020 21:23

My DD started preschool in September. Since starting I've noticed that there are two mums who regularly don't have their children strapped in their car seats. They have the seats in the car and the DC are sometimes strapped but often the child just sits in the seat without the belt or even sits in the front seat unbelted.

These children are only three years old and I wince every time I see it. There are also two other families who I assume don't drive, and oftentimes they and their DC get lifts home with these mums and have their child on their lap in the front or just sitting in the backseat.

I know it's none of my business, I really do and I don't want to begrudge anyone a lift home in the rain but I'm just concerned for the DC. My best friend is an occupational therapist and has told me of some harrowing repercussions due to children not being restrained properly in cars, so it's just something I'm hyper aware of.

WIBU to mention it to the preschool? I'm not sure if it would be in their power to do anything but I was thinking perhaps they might send a generic email out to all parents or something? Or would that be a really busybody thing to do? Any thoughts appreciated!

OP posts:
Muchtoomuchtodo · 26/01/2020 21:25

Not sure why the school should deal with it?

CallMeThePooPatrol · 26/01/2020 21:26

I would mention it to the school. At least you’ve tried to prevent an accident!

CallMeThePooPatrol · 26/01/2020 21:27

Or report to the police. I’ve done that in the past.

BubblesBuddy · 26/01/2020 21:27

Actually I would. They could say it’s nothing to do with them of course. I never feel comfortable when I see this but it’s never been on a regular basis. A family member wanted me to give her DC lifts without car seats. I refused.

In my area, the Police conducted child safety in cars checks in the road near the schools. You could try and find out if the police still do this.

Louise91417 · 26/01/2020 21:29

I know of a nursery who reported a parent to ss for using wrong size of car seat...i would mention it..too late when a child is seriously injuredHmm

Original poster
CapnSquirrel · 26/01/2020 21:37

Not sure why the school should deal with it?

I just thought because it was happening on school grounds the school might be the place to start? It might give the parents a chance to rectify things instead of going to the police etc. I was thinking perhaps they aren't fully familiar with the law on car seats and maybe a reminder from the school would solve the problem?

OP posts:
GinDaddy · 26/01/2020 21:40

What you are suggesting is dry snitching

Why not say it to her face when you see her, and offer your "advice" that way?

Or perhaps you're concerned that your concern for her DCs might not be taken as well as you expected?

namechangingtime · 26/01/2020 21:41

I'd report the parents who aren't strapping children in/having children sitting on their laps in a moving car definitely. Not too sure if a child has a seatbelt on but not in a car seat, I think the law is a child has to be in a car seat unless in an emergency, on an unexpected journey and in a taxi so if a parent is getting a lift home and there's no spare car seats that would be fine, but if it's the drivers child and the car seat is right next to them sitting empty then it's a problem.

busybarbara · 26/01/2020 21:44

I know it's none of my business

Correct but morally it’s okay to snitch on them if (and only if) you would be okay if other people snitched on you for something in future. If you’re okay with that (and yes, you will do something wrong at some point in your life) then sure, cast the karma dice.

Lipperfromchipper · 26/01/2020 21:45

I’m also another one who thinks it’s not the schools problem OP!! I mean if you saw them constantly doing it while going to tesco would you expect tesco staff to deal with it?? Why don’t you just advise them yourself?? Or report them to the police yourself.

category12 · 26/01/2020 21:54

Report them to the police if you're going to. Schools have enough to be doing.

Strangerthingshere · 26/01/2020 21:57

Why not start with the school? Our school has regularly sent out memos including reminding parents that children have to wear helmets if cycling to school so similiar issue.

littlepaddypaws · 26/01/2020 21:58

speak to the police for advice, not schools problem and if the mothers are stupid enough to do this they aren't going to take to kindly to saying something. it won't make a blind bit of difference to them.

GameSetMatch · 26/01/2020 21:58

Are you sure they don’t just move them when they arrive at school? My son sits in his car seat whilst we drive to school but then clambers into the front when we arrive as I like to get there a bit early.

Rosebel · 26/01/2020 21:58

I doubt the school can do anything but they ma may send a letter/email reminding parents of the law. I suspect the parents know what they're doing is illegal and don't care. Or think it's only a short journey my child will be fine.
So mention it to the preschool and see if things change.
If not I'd report to the police.

littlepaddypaws · 26/01/2020 21:58

*to you saying something to them

BreatheAndFocus · 26/01/2020 21:59

Yes, far better not to snitch than attempt to make sure children aren’t put at risk 🙄

OP, I get why you want to tell the school first rather than the police. Why not speak to someone there and suggest a reminder in the newsletter if they have one?

thrree · 26/01/2020 22:01

Are you sure they actually drive like that. I let DD2 out of her seat whilst we wait at the school gate.

PenelopeFlintstone · 26/01/2020 22:01

Advise them herself?
Is that a joke? Do you think they’ll say, “Oh thanks for letting me know. I didn’t realise it was illegal or unsafe!”

HavelockVetinari · 26/01/2020 22:02

I can't believe anybody thinks this is unreasonable! This is actual lives at stake, it is neglectful and breaking the law. If they're this lackadaisical with their DC's safety when people can see, fuck knows what they do in the privacy of their own home.

Yes please, OP, report them - not just to nursery but also to the non-emergency police number, giving the registration number and the fact that you've witnessed it multiple times. Child neglect is everyone's business.

BertieDrapper · 26/01/2020 22:08

A grandad picked up his GS from our childminders and put him in the front seat with no car seat, he was about 2.
Next day we mentioned it to the CM and she said she had noticed as well and had spoken to the boys parent, basically if it happened again CM was gonna report them .... not 100% who too, but I do think the school would take note of it.... is it not a safeguarding issue?

DesignedForLife · 26/01/2020 22:16

3 year old in front without a seatbelt on? I’d report to police.

Marleyj8 · 26/01/2020 22:17

Definitely report it OP

corcaithecat · 26/01/2020 22:21

I wouldn’t bother talking to the nursery but I think you should report them to the police and let them deal with it. Make sure you get the vehicle registration details.

Earslaps · 26/01/2020 22:22

I think it is your business- Children’s safety should be everyone's business. If the parents aren't keeping the children safe then society needs to try and keep them safe.

The school is the best place to start. They may be able to put a reminder in the newsletter or they may already have concerns about these families.

Schools are busy, but safeguarding children is one of their roles. I've reported a few minor concerns to the school before and they've been taken very seriously.

Swipe left for the next trending thread