To think MIL and her DP should sit with us?

[letsgogogo]

Apologies this is long but I don't want to drip feed... I Would love to know if you think IABU or not.

We are off to Disney world in a few months, family of 4 (2a, 2c 6 and 12) we wanted to sit together so we've booked seats on the plane.

We also wanted to take my MIL with us as she's lovely, does everything for everyone, never gets a break and is always there for us, she's very close to the DC. She's not in a position to pay for herself and so we asked if they (her and her DP) would like to come with us and obviously we would pay for them they said yes... all they have to do is pay for their spending money.

None of us are particularly close to her DP (my DP's Step dad) as even though they've been together for 25 years, he's never shown an interest in spending time with us or our DC. We do invite them both to dc party's but mil always comes alone and says he's on call for work.

we obviously knew she wouldn't want to go without him so of course we offered to pay for both.

When I told MIL they could book seats on the plane now to secure their seats with us or wait til 24h before to try and get the seats she wants for free, she said 'no no no, DP is on it now as he's desperate for a window seat' and then she came back and said he wants the row of 2 seats at the other end of the plane to where we have booked so she has room to get out without disturbing anyone next to her when she walks up to see us'

I pointed out the window seat behind ours and suggested I can then move one of our seats so we're sitting in 2 rows of 3' (rather than the row of 3 and one aisle seat I've already booked) and then she wouldn't have to worry about getting up.... and I added 'unless DP doesn't want to sit with us?' and she said 'no don't worry, don't change what you've booked it's just he's a big kid and wants a window seat....'

I asked what's wrong with the window seat behind ours and she said 'don't worry he's going to try and get the seats he wants 24h before as that's more exciting... which is of course not what she said above!

So basically he doesn't want to sit with us. That's fine but I know MIL wouldn't have an issue sitting with us and I think she thought she would be and was excited about it as she herself was saying she can't wait to see the kids first take off!

Usually I back down and people please but her DP is irritating me for a few reasons... for example, MIL struggles a lot with her mobility and as she doesn't like to ask for things she's said to her DP that she'll be fine waking around Disney and there's no need to pay for her to hire a wheelchair while we're there... he just says ok. So I know we're going to have to hire it because MIL cant walk even the shortest distances without being in pain.

he's also declaring which days he's decided they're doing something different, (which is fine as we expect them to do their own thing too), but he's not asking her thoughts or asking what she wants... he just says 'we're doing this... and we're not doing that.'

Also MIL has a lot of pressure atm looking after her elderly parents, cooking their dinner and she also looks after her DPs elderly parents and is every body in her DPs family rock yet even though she's running herself ragged, he's just laying on the sofa all day watching love island and eating... she then she has to get in and do his dinner too... it makes me angry. Even though my DP says she's a big girl and can make her own decisions and choices, I can't help but feel someone should be saying enough is enough... anyway, I've digressed!

MIL and I are really close and can talk for hours, and she loves being with the kids, both kids are well behaved and it's not like a flight to Orlando is going to be peaceful anyway so I don't see what he gains by moving away from us.

And although this might not seem related I think it's important to say that even though we've paid we've said from the start that it's their holiday too and we really don't expect to do everything together. We've also all sat down and everybody had an opportunity to say what they wanted to do so FIL has plenty of things in the line up that he wanted to do but no one else did that we've all booked into.

Aibu?

@livefornaps is totally right OP. There's clearly a lot wrong with that relationship, but a much-prized family holiday isn't the time or place to fix it.

Let the seats go, they can sit where they like. Hire the mobility scooter if you can afford it. Maybe try writing things down about him that bug you, but you're going to have to find ways to cope or he'll ruin the holiday.

Perhaps afterwards you can have a proper talk with MIL about some of the things you've noticed?

MIL is an adult. If she won’t accept she needs help getting around then how is that on him??
He doesn’t want your kids bothering him. He can’t escape on a flight
If you dislike him so much why on Earth are you taking him along??

Lol... yes @livefornaps I already am aware I get aggravated by him, I have been prepping myself to be like an impenetrable rock and not let him aggravate me... seems I let this one slip!

But you are all right, I'm not going to change it/then... and all I can do is make sure my DC have the best holiday.

If you let the plane seats upset you, you are in for a rough holiday. Try and work out what your top priorities are, your dc having fun, Mil having fun, you and DH having fun, peace and world happiness! Any time something He is doing that disrupts your sense of what is right (and Im guessing this is going to happen ALOT on the holiday) think about if kicking off or going passive aggressive will actually help your main goals, or will it upset DC, Mil etc. This might help you get through the holiday in one piece.

You can change him, but you can change how you react to his twattery

Princess Honeysuckle speaks da truuuuuth! Just take things at face value. After 25 years, they've got their thing going on. Just leave that shit alone. Have a nice time with your kids.

@onanothertrain you'd probably have to know her to know what I mean but she can't walk even 100meters without being in pain and she always rejects help it means it's going to put someone else out it cost them money. This is why she's always going without as people just take from her and don't give anything back because she insists not.

How can I not get her a mobility scooter when I know she'll be in agony after 10 minutes and do her best to hide it?

Yep it doesnt sound like a healthy relationship and he doesnt sound like a pleasant man. However this is your holiday and not having him sit with you on a plane is I think going to be less stressful for you. Yes your MIL is missing out but that is her decision

I would also do what you want to do with the holiday as well its your time there dont let him ruin it

Get her a mobility scooter. I am in my 30s and have mobility issues and the place is huge, no way could I have walked round it last year.

We used www.floridamobilityrentals.com/

Look around online for a discount code and compare to others in the area and they will give you discounts.

We booked over WhatsApp call. They dropped off to our villa and collected from Disney hotel on departure. Three weeks cost around $360 Inc insurance.

Do not let her go without. Do not get a pushing wheelchair! Disney prices are a rip off.

A lot of peoole use mobility scooters over there!

Thank you all for your replies. I think I need to chill for the sake of the kids and their holiday!

Just buy her the mobility scooter, present it inncocently as a fait accompli. Like "so here's the scooter". If her partner gets in a grump, just act inncocently confused (maybe have a few hits from the Mickey Bong TM right beforehand to aid with this...and if he is still in a tizz, offer him da bong, tooo)

Look on the bright side. You won't have him with you on the plane, making comments etc! Plenty of time when you get there to invite MiL to spend time with the kids.

If they've been together for 25 years then she clearly sees something in him, even if you can't. Just be her friend and don't judge.

Oh and report the mobility issues to the airline, they can get bulkhead seats and that will scupper his window seat plans hahaha

Lots of issues here I personally think the plane issue is him thinking he's clever by leaving a seat between them that they will have an empty seat as nobody would book it, he'll be disappointed lol. Does he have children/ grandchildren of his own that he has contact with? I would say they are probably a bit set in their own ways. it's really difficult holidaying with different generations I'd have a bit of family sit down say the bits you would like to do together and bits you'd like to do on your own. Have a fantastic holiday

I will get the scooter as if we don't, he won't and she will suffer but it does anger me as I feel we've already paid enough iyswim

SFIL has asked his DP for spending money and they're giving them whatever they need apparently... the mobility scooter should be part of that in my opinion but apparently not

@Pjsandbaileys he has an adult daughter about our age who he doesn't speak to

She’s an adult. It’s up to her if she needs it or not?
This is going to be a complete disaster if you’re not careful op. You can’t turn everything into a battle.

I wouldn’t want to sit near kids on a long haul flight either🥴

I think you're all right. I need and will take a massive step back. Let them get on with it and just ensure I chill and the kids have fun

As for the mobility scooter I'm undecided.

sounds like a disaster already OP.. sorry.

I don't know why you care where they sit on the plane.

When my husband and I travelled together we always tried to get the seats at the back where the window row was two across instead of three, so we got the window and aisle seat. So I'd be doing the same in their shoes. It's not like you'll be interacting much at all with them on a long flight. I like to just zone out, and they probably do too.

**Lots of issues here I personally think the plane issue is him thinking he's clever by leaving a seat between them that they will have an empty seat as nobody would book it,

He hasn't done this I don't think he has booked the two seats at the back of the plane.
This means they will be among the last off so will have a very long wait in immigration. OP I suggest you say you will collect the cases and see them there.

tbh I dont think it matters where they sit does it? Its a plane not some "lounge". And in all honesty would I choose to be seated nearby to a family with kids thatll be excited, noisey etc??? its a long while to expect them to be quiet and behave nicely!

no

let them have a bit of peace and their own time. you dont have to be in each others pockets lol! I do agree about the mobility scooter though. get it.

OP does your MIL and her partner assume there is an expectation of 'Childcare' when you are on holiday ? just a thought that might explain why they're actively making their own plans...

He doesn’t want to sit with your children, and she won’t do anything to disagree with him. Shes programmed to be a people pleaser, so it’s saying her husband is excited about getting to know the children because she wants that to be true. It likely stems from a conversation where she went “ did you notice how excited the kids were to see you at Christmas” to which he replied “ yes” without looking up from the telly.
She followed it up with “ arent you super excited to be going on holiday with everyone and getting to know them properly?” Same reply, meaning “ if I agree with her she might stop wittering on and let me watch Home under the Hammer in peace “.
You’re not going to change her, she gets her sense of worth and her security from running round and keeping the lid on everything. He’s not necessarily bullying or controlling, but that could be going on. People pleaser can be very controlling too, because the idea of confrontation or anything that’s not “ keeping the peace” will be distressing for them.

The only thing you can do is talk to him. Not to try and change his mind or anything , just to say how it looks from your POV.

And continue to be there for MIL.