Please tell me what you do...

[MrsBrentford]

With teenage stepchildren.

They come EOW.

More often than not this is the only time I see my OH too as he works away.

Pissing with rain this weekend. I did a 5 hour round trip to collect them on Friday and they have spent the majority of the weekend sat in their room on their phones, don’t want to read, play a board game or go swimming.

They also haven’t brought coats with them (ongoing source of frustration - they had coats here but took them home aged left them there and we don’t have a never ending supply of money to continually buy coats).

What is the point of them coming? What do others do? Argh!!

Oh, and none of the helpful advice or suggestions will possibly work for you and are refuted with but but but. And their mother is to blame for all these problems, never your DH.

It’s better when we just have one of them as when they swim together they just flick water at each other which does my head in.

Oh yet another thing that annoys you about them then. Let's be honest OP you don't really like these kids at all and were hoping that posters would tell you that given the circumstances it was pointless them coming to you so often, so that you would feel better encouraged in broaching the subject with their father of having his children over less. Am I right?

You sound resentful of them. Of course you should do nice things such as taking them out for tea regularly. Most kids of their age live on their phones. It’s also normal for kids to flick water at each other whilst swimming. To be honest you sound a bit of a mood hoover and not much fun to be around.

Yeah - I drive 5 hours to have two kids I don’t want to have. Yes that’s right

They want to be taken into the sea to do a water sport they need to do more than flick water at each other in the pool? At 13/15 to still not be able to swim properly suggests that they are doing 90% messing about and 10% swimming. Not the other way around.

Yeah - I drive 5 hours to have two kids I don’t want to have. Yes that’s right hmm

You do that for your DH, not for them.

I do it for all of them don’t I?

So they can see their dad?

"I asked what people do with teenagers who come and stay - that’s it."

But you haven't just asked this. You've ask "what is the point" of them visiting, wanted to tell us all how shit their mother is and how annoying they are themselves, but how great your DH is, and you are for doing so much work for your DH to see his every other weekend, and how awkward it is. And none of the helpful suggestions that people have made are of any use and you want to argue about how good a father your DH when (once again) it's clear to everyone but you that actually he isn't.

Their father sees them, what 26 times a year (plus holidays?) and you're both moaning about what hard work it is.

Anyway thanks to the posters who gave me constructive suggestions they have been taken on board.

I’ll leave the rest of you to have a big pile on 👍🏻

I do it for all of them don’t I?

So they can see their dad?

So their dad doesn't want to see them then? Is that what you're saying?

They also will never learn to swim better if they never get in the water. It sounds like you prefer them on screens rather than 'waste' time in the water...

There's a local lady (qualified swim teacher) who hounded her DDs to learn to swim. Like fish by age 3-4 yo. Lots of other children would be playing, splashing & farting around while the girls had to swim lengths & do swim exercises for 20-30 minute sessions. Sometimes tearfully. I am watching out for the future teenage rebellion in that family.

You're reminding me of the dragon-swim-teacher-mum, OP.

Nobody is having a big pile on.
People are saying that you're doing a lot, and questioning how involved he is.

I've said that I think he should be talking to his children and thinking up things to do himself when they're all together, because they are his children. And I've said that it sounds like you're doing more than your fair share, and it's a bit sad that you talk about doing the driving and how it stops him being grumpy all weekend - and you've done this trip "hundreds of times over the past ten years" (so presumably this affected your own children too, either being in the car for ages or not having their mum available.) For whatever reason though you're getting very annoyed that anyone is questioning his involvement or his motives, so there doesn't seem to be any point in this thread.

There's a reason that you mentioned the driving etc, even if it's subconscious. You didn't just ask "how do your teenagers spend the weekend?". And it sounds like at least one of your own children is still a teenager, so you do have recent experience of teenagers.

Mrs Brentford I feel your pain. There are many of us out here who have teenage step children who are a massive challenge, me included. Unfortunately MN is not the place for support as it's full of first wives with a chip on their shoulder.

I totally understand your frustrations and if you'd posted as a mother frustrated with her own teenagers you'd have received support. Sadly, step mums are to blame for every world crises and anything below that.

My advice is to disengage completely from the children. That's what I've done and whilst its still far from perfect it helps me get through it. Sadly, my step children are much older than yours but insist on still visiting for their 'child contact' despite being adults!

@WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles

OP must have forgotten that in fact she has posted about the step kids before

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/a3781514-Lying?msg_id=92704779#92704779

@OnTheEdgeoftheNight - and your point is?? Step mother posts twice about problematic step children, shock horror!

I'm sure I'm not the only one to know OP has posted repeatedly about her SDC/DH - all the threads go the same way, all of them.

So what, she's probably having a really hard time. What else is the forum for if not to vent anonymously? What does it matter if she posts every day about how hard she finds it?

The last thread makes you look very bad OP.

*MesBrentford

WeBuiltCisCityOnSexistRoles

No I have not.

I asked what people do with teenagers who come and stay - that’s it.*

Yes you have. No way are there two people out there with the same weird dynamic.

Have an evening as a family, no phones for a couple of hours. Cook together, eat a meal, watch a film with snacks.

In the day don't they have loads of homework to be getting on with?

If they like to go swimming and it is not something they get to do with their mum, then just take them swimming and let them splash around and have fun together...? Better than sitting still with their phones. They don’t need to become ’strong swimmers’. Try and give them life skills, sounds like they don’t get that at home. Do some cooking and baking together. They can take some home for their mum. And it doesn’t have to be perfect. If they complain and moan then let them, they will appreciate it more than you will ever know. 🙂

Google family link is free,
It shows you your child’s location,
you can set a time limit for using apps/internet,
block individual apps,
and also “lock” the phone between certain times - when phone is locked, the child can still make/receive calls but they cannot use any apps. You can also add bonus time eg extra 20mins for emptying dishwasher.

We have younger teens and find it a good way to manage the amount of time they spent glued to screens