To have blocked the CF?

[Sparklfairy]

I've been seeing a guy for about 4 months. He works a 'normal' job and I work from home, freelance, long and anti social hours. It's not uncommon for me to work overnight, sleep pattern all over the place etc. I've had to put my foot down before with regards to him assuming that because I work for myself that I can have time off whenever I he want(s).

He was supposed to come over last night, but I cancelled due to running late on a work deadline. Said we could do something today in the day. It was left that he would call me in the morning and jokes were made about me likely being dead asleep if it was early and not hearing it etc.

At 6.30 this morning I woke to my phone buzzing. I saw it was him and ignored it, as had only got to bed a couple of hours before.

Then my doorbell buzzed.

I was annoyed that he just rocked up at my house (15 miles from his) at 6.30am with no prior warning. My phone kept ringing so I decided to ignore it. He continued to ring the doorbell, long sustained buzzing 10-12 seconds.

I keep my window which faces the road open most of the time (first floor flat). He shouted through the window "ALEXA! TURN BEDROOM LIGHT ON!" which of course she did. Okay, annoying but maybe, just maybe he was kidding around and didn't think it would work.

Then he shouts, "ALEXA! SET ALARM FOR FIVE MINUTES"

I lost it then. I went to the window, said, 'Well you can fuck off', slammed it shut and locked it.

He then continued to ring me and buzz my doorbell until I threatened to call the police. He then resorted to just yelling up at me from the street

I'm so utterly bewildered that he thinks any of this is normal!? I've blocked him and very firmly told him to fuck off. He's texted saying that I said he could come round (not at 6.30 unannounced I fucking didn't) and if I was clearly asleep why did he think it was okay to force me to wake up? What the fuck.

I've blocked him and never want to speak to him again (but of course am still furious so don't know if it's that). Starting to think maybe I was too harsh...?

if a stranger knocked on my door at 6.30am I’d go nuts but if my boyfriend did then I’d just let him in! Maybe he was trying to be funny but it failed. You obviously didn’t like him very much anyway.

Your standards are so low a flea could limbo under them. He's about as funny as a maggot sandwich.

There's another thread on here by a woman who has moved in with a man like this. He's been waking her up regularly.

The whole disrespect for your boundaries is a big red flag and you done the right thing getting rid of him
Oh yeah and one of them had an alexa ( I hate those things by the way ) and he loved ordering it to do things all the time.

ha!
I like the way your mind works @Luckystar777.
& congrats on the "ex" part of it. Phew.

6.30? What the hell is wrong with him!

Not acceptable and just weird behaviour

According to Invisible Women voice recognition works better on male voices than female because of how they were initially trained by predominantly male programmers and the tendency to default to male as the norm. If you can't get a voice recognition thing to work it sometimes helps to lower the pitch of your voice. Just in case you needed to be even angrier!

He says that he won't contact you again unless you contact him first seems very at odds with what you know of his personality which is to be pushy and only consider his wants and not yours. It makes me think that he may have had police involvement in the past because he was harassing someone and knows not to keep in contact by any traceable method once he has been explicitly told not to. I suspect you may find that you are still contacted by him in some unprovable way, like 'coincidentally' bumping into him.

Jeeze @BlackAmericanoNoSugar good point. You are SHARP.

PatellarTendonitis I've been reading it. It's chilling.

And thank you messolini9 I will give that a read. I'd heard of it before on other threads here, it's highly recommended. I did think he was gaslighting me but you're right it's such an overused term sometimes I didn't want to discredit myself by saying it

I remember one time he denied he said something, insisted he said the opposite. I had made a point of waiting until he said the exact words that were undeniable "don't dye your hair blonde" and pulled him up on it.

When he could no longer deny it, he shrugged and said "I guess we remember things differently"

Really pissed me off. And I did dye my hair blonde anyway

If you can't get a voice recognition thing to work it sometimes helps to lower the pitch of your voice.

Right, that's it!
I had no interest in getting one of these things anyway but now I know about their misogynistic tendencies there's no chance.

if a stranger knocked on my door at 6.30am I’d go nuts but if my boyfriend did then I’d just let him in!

Way to train him to believe his wishes trump yours @BettyAll1.

You would seriously put aside annoyance at being rudely woken by someone who knows you've had little sleep, who had already agreed to PHONE FIRST to arrange what time to come round, who came round uninvited & ridiculously early, & who was happy to ignore your wish to stay in bed, & who would not accept you wanted time alone from him?

Your b/f may be a delight, but why are you allowing the title "boyfriend" to mean that behaviour that would usually make you "go nuts" is somehow permissable from him?

Have you ever read any Lundy Bancroft? - useful stuff to know about, even if you don't feel it's necessary for your own situation - it might be for your friend, or sister, or daughter, & women need to wise up on this shit. www.docdroid.net/py03/why-does-he-do-that.pdf

Jesus Christ YANBU! If a guy I was seeing for a few months turned up at mine at 6.30am on a Saturday REGARDLESS of what time I’d gone to bed, he’d be binned!

Although I am laughing at the Alexa. He’s an evil genius!

Happityhap I never wanted one but got her it for Xmas. It is good but enables my intrinsic laziness. The smart bulbs are dangerous not just when fuckers outside can turn them on ... Now I can walk to the kettle and turn the light on when I get there rather than making the one step detour to turn on the light

I did say 'alexa make me a coffee' and she said 'i would if I could, but I can't, so I won't'

I replied it was the least she could do after her behaviour today. She ignored me

@ZenNudist it’s still weird if he did it because he wanted sex...

Well rid OP.
I must admit that the Alexa thing IS funny.

"don't dye your hair blonde" and pulled him up on it.

You really need to read that book and take some time out. You've known him four months and he's issuing commands like this? I wouldn't even put up with that from my husband, anymore than I'd tell him what to do with his hair, body, clothes, etc.

According to Invisible Women voice recognition works better on male voices than female because of how they were initially trained by predominantly male programmers and the tendency to default to male as the norm.

Wow, that's interesting @UnaOfStormhold!
Although now I'm cry-laughing about the tendency to default to male as the norm.
(sighs nobly) It Was Ever Thus ...

He's a twat.
You've done the right thing by dumping him.

Now change Alexa's wake word to something else in case he comes back while you're out and sets a billion reminders and alarms I don't think you'll be rid of him that easily.

Was he drunk ? I think it sounds funny if you really liked him that much you’d of seen the funny side and let him in gone back to bed together

I’d still be annoyed but wouldn’t block him for it if i really liked him

You are well rid of that twat. Who the hell turns up unannounced at that time in the morning?!

Just be on your guard as he will probably be back to give you "another chance."

And I agree Alexa is definitely a traitor.

PatellarTendonitis I haven't and didn't put up with it. It's easy to make a blanket statement about everyone, but some people including me suffer from foot in mouth disease

I don't kick off at the first sign, but I do make a mental note of it. I pull people up on it every time, but in a way that just flags it but if it was an error of judgement it lets them off the hook. It has become a pattern of behaviour that I'm no longer willing to accept. Please don't forget that WFH and everything that goes with it means I can become quite isolated, so I have allowed a certain leeway as I've been used to doing what I want, when I want, and allowing someone into my life.

Thanks to MN, my boundaries are pretty solid

You are well rid and not at all unreasonable to have blocked him.

That said, him using Alexa to wake you from the street is a stroke of absolute genius and hilarious.

(I also just asked my Alexa to make me a coffee based on your last update and she said the same thing).

Not trying to sound bizarre. Is there not a chance he didn’t appreciate you were up until 4am on a Saturday morning working? I don’t know many people who work those hours. Just trying to put a different perspective on it. I wouldn’t be worried about him being controlling. I would worry he had a poor sense of humour and was a bit odd but wouldn’t read much more into it. I stand by my comment that if my boyfriend drove 15miles to see me, whatever the time day or night I would let him in. There’s a chance he thought he was being romantic in an odd way.

Anyone else planning on waiting until it's a warm summer day and walk down a random street yelling Alexa commands thru open windows?