To have blocked the CF?

[Sparklfairy]

I've been seeing a guy for about 4 months. He works a 'normal' job and I work from home, freelance, long and anti social hours. It's not uncommon for me to work overnight, sleep pattern all over the place etc. I've had to put my foot down before with regards to him assuming that because I work for myself that I can have time off whenever I he want(s).

He was supposed to come over last night, but I cancelled due to running late on a work deadline. Said we could do something today in the day. It was left that he would call me in the morning and jokes were made about me likely being dead asleep if it was early and not hearing it etc.

At 6.30 this morning I woke to my phone buzzing. I saw it was him and ignored it, as had only got to bed a couple of hours before.

Then my doorbell buzzed.

I was annoyed that he just rocked up at my house (15 miles from his) at 6.30am with no prior warning. My phone kept ringing so I decided to ignore it. He continued to ring the doorbell, long sustained buzzing 10-12 seconds.

I keep my window which faces the road open most of the time (first floor flat). He shouted through the window "ALEXA! TURN BEDROOM LIGHT ON!" which of course she did. Okay, annoying but maybe, just maybe he was kidding around and didn't think it would work.

Then he shouts, "ALEXA! SET ALARM FOR FIVE MINUTES"

I lost it then. I went to the window, said, 'Well you can fuck off', slammed it shut and locked it.

He then continued to ring me and buzz my doorbell until I threatened to call the police. He then resorted to just yelling up at me from the street

I'm so utterly bewildered that he thinks any of this is normal!? I've blocked him and very firmly told him to fuck off. He's texted saying that I said he could come round (not at 6.30 unannounced I fucking didn't) and if I was clearly asleep why did he think it was okay to force me to wake up? What the fuck.

I've blocked him and never want to speak to him again (but of course am still furious so don't know if it's that). Starting to think maybe I was too harsh...?

Please, do yourself a huge favour here! No. 1: do not unblock him or let him contact you again. No. 2: your boundaries are way too weak to date just now, you need to learn to dump the very first time a person pushes your boundaries, the very first time.

This is not funny, it's scary and creepy AF. He's a controlling, pushy, clingy, gaslighting prick who should have been dumped the first time he didn't take NO for answer.

So No. 3: stop thinking about this creep for another second and start thinking about you and how you can become more assertive to not even allow such people a second date. People like this target women they can walk over. They can almost smell them. He waved more red flags than N. Korea here!

He's about as nice as a pissed off cobra. He wasn't checking up on you, he was asserting his dominance, 'I make the rules here! You'll get up or I'll embarrass you!' so you did the right thing. Now continue to do so and please, work on yourself more.

Sounds like he was trying to move in by stealth.

Well rid.

His wish to see you trumps your right to a)sleep and b)choose whether or not to see him?

Noooooooo!

Well binned. No second chance for this guy; he recognises no boundaries!

If rent is much cheaper in his town why does he live with parents?

Definitely cocklodger tendencies in that one

Sn0tnose Sat 25-Jan-20 12:46:21
"I don’t think you’ve heard the last of him. I think he thinks he’s giving you a day or two to calm down and then he can explain to you how you’ve overreacted, how he was only doing what you’d told him to do and how much you’ve hurt his feelings, but that he’s such a nice man he’s going to give you the opportunity to make it up to him."

^^ This x1000. Be prepared!

In my experience, women usually underreact to red flags and rarely overreact. The socialisation to be nice, be polite, don't make anyone feel bad can be so strong that we push down our gut instinct. You were already doing that in your OP - "Starting to think maybe I was too harsh...?"

So no, you were not being too harsh - he's pushing you and you are well rid. He will be back, as Sn0tnose and many others have warned - remember, you did NOT overreact and he is trouble you don't need.

He's texted saying that I said he could come round (not at 6.30 unannounced I fucking didn't)

He's lying. You both know you did not say this. Because what actually happened is It was left that he would call me in the morning and jokes were made about me likely being dead asleep if it was early and not hearing it etc.

Not only is he an intrusive, boundary-crashing weirdo, he then lied about it & expected you to back down.

Many people might put this down to "misunderstanding/keen to see you/didn't know what time you finished work/romantic (!)" - but those familiar with 'the script' will be feeling very uncomfortable about the potential for that behaviour to escalate until you learned to never question his narrative.

Anyone reasonable would think it's odd to drive 15 miles to wake up someone up at 6.30 who's been working a night shift.
And anyone reasonable who did do something so daft 'by mistake' would realise as soon as you firstly didn't respond, & secondly became pissed off, that they'd been inappropriate, & would have been apologising in embarrasment.
The fact that he still demanded to see you & then got angry enough about being challenged to shout about it in your street only proves how right you are to have fucked him off.

Did he want sex? Strange behaviour if not...

Bloody Alexa. Taking sides.

I would love to know what time he usually wakes up to go to work that he turned up at 6.30am to deliberately trample over your boundaries. He's gone to some effort to achieve what he wanted!

if a stranger knocked on my door at 6.30am I’d go nuts but if my boyfriend did then I’d just let him in! Maybe he was trying to be funny but it failed. You obviously didn’t like him very much anyway.

Sorry this is off topic and I am a Luddite but how in the hell does Alexa turn a light switch on?

Me too @stophuggingme - but I know this one.
It's Witchcraft, I tell you. Witchcraft.

I need to have words with Alexa. Traitorous bitch.

this made my day sorry OP

It was the alexa thing

but if my boyfriend did then I’d just let him in! Maybe he was trying to be funny but it failed. You obviously didn’t like him very much anyway.

Bizarre comment. It's intrusive and ignoring my need for sleep

(I live alone, he's with his parents)

Just when I thought the batshittery couldn't get worse.
Arm the battlements! Hot pitch at the ready! Repel all boarders!
If you'd let him in you might have had to keep him OP. Jeeze.

Stay blocked, & dine out on this one x

Who the fuck turns up at 6:30am anywhere to anyone's house, ever?

He's about as nice as a pissed off cobra. He wasn't checking up on you, he was asserting his dominance, 'I make the rules here! You'll get up or I'll embarrass you!' so you did the right thing. Now continue to do so and please, work on yourself more

This ^ 100%

Wow!!! Well binned op.

This will make an hilarious story over wine with your mates soon though!

Love a good story. Ah well.

This is classic controlling behaviour. He expected to be permitted to keep tabs on you at all times so you couldn't interact with other men. He saw it as his right to enter your bedroom at 6.00am in order to see evidence that there was no-one else in there with you.

He will probably now accuse you of cheating on him.

You've done exactly the right thing by blocking him. If he persists, grey rock him. Do not respond to anything unless it escalates tot he point where you need to contact the police and then do that.

I was aware that there were certain things he says/does that could be seen as controlling, but when I call him out directly he always denies he said it, or says that I said something that absolutely didn't happen. And because he always does it in a 'nice' non aggressive way but absolutely sure of himself I question whether I'm being unreasonable ... It's almost more insidious when they act like the 'nice guy'

Sparkl, "gaslighting" is a much-overused word round here, but ... um.
That's wot you got there.

You are well rid of this one, rightly so, but for future reference - www.docdroid.net/py03/why-does-he-do-that.pdf
I urge you, & any woman doubting herself for being told what's what by her romantic interest, to read Lundy Bancroft. It's a revelation, & Bancroft writes in a clear, supportive, & instructional way that is very easy to relate to.

if a stranger knocked on my door at 6.30am I’d go nuts but if my boyfriend did then I’d just let him in! Maybe he was trying to be funny but it failed. You obviously didn’t like him very much anyway.

If your boyfriend knew you were working till well into the night then rocked up causing a scene at 6.30am then he iis as big a prick as ops ex!
Have you actually read any of ops posts? He is gaslightjng her and trying to.get her to change her whole life to accommodate him. No concern for her needs or wishes at all, it's all about him moving in and having things all his way and her obeying him.
Ffs there was no need to be at ops house at that time in the morning it wasn't because he missed her it was an act of control. Waking someone up after 2hrs sleep and probably waking up her neighbours and trying to embarrass her into letting him in is not funny in the slightest. Why would anyone think it was?

I'd have shoved Alexa up his arse - sorry Alexa, I'm not good on no sleep

Well I've checked with the neighbours (all men) and none of them heard anything and said to just knock if I need anything.

It was the Alexa thing that pushed me over the edge. So fucking invasive. Her and I are currently not speaking

And ALEXA is known to be a sly one.