12 year old doesn't do anything for himself

[chocolatesaltyballs22]

My 12 year old stepson has his head so far in the clouds (his phone/gaming) that he has to be told to do everything. Is this normal? He regularly forgets his packed lunch for school despite it being made for him and being put in the fridge every night. He goes in the fridge every morning for milk for his cereal but doesn't think to take the lunch out of the fridge and put it in his bag, unless someone tells him to. I told my husband last night that we should be teaching him to fend for himself instead of spoon feeding him all the time. He agrees but always ends up running round after him. Am I being unreasonable or is this what all 12 year old boys are like? I've never dealt with boys before, only girls.

Lots of kids are like that at that age. It sounds like you don't like this boy, which is probably more of a problem than the lunch thing..

My DS was completely independent at 12, he could wash and iron his own clothes, cook if I was out. Made his own lunch and helped around the house.
Sometimes he needed to be encouraged with homework but he wasn't hopeless. I wouldn't inflict that on other women.

Just because your dc was like that madcatladyforever doesn't mean they all are or it's the norm. I bet there aren't that many 12 year olds who do all their own ironing

I wouldn't inflict that on other women.

Thing is, you can remind some people all you like but unless they act on it straight away it's often forgotten again: the butterfly brain has flitted off to something else. Also, resentment at being told builds up even though it's needed - your resentment at having to think for him so much and his resentment at your'nagging' as he might perceive it.

Also, if the kid is living in two houses, that must get confusing. Not something I would want to do.

My DDs have both been fairly self propelled at that age, my DS is another matter altogether. We are trying so hard to encourage independence. He needs reminding to pack his lunch every day.

One thing we have succeeded in is getting him to cook for himself. He will now make a bacon butty or pop a ready meal in the microwave!

100% I could've written this about my 12 year old son! He doesn't do it out of any maliciousness, just he is genuinely so laid back/away with the fairies that things don't always occur to him. He started year 7 in September and is now remembering when to put his PE kit to the wash and pack it for the next day etc.

Toilet flushing (or not!) another much more annoying habit! Please tell me this isn't normal?! Sick of telling him 🤮

I shout "flush!" at anyone leaving the bathroom. If they go back in, I know they didn't the first time. I'd better watch I don't start doing it at work actually

I'm amazed by the amount of parents reminding secondary aged kids about lunch, PE kit etc.

When i was 12 my mum left for work at 7am just as we were getting up. She would leave bread rolls out etc & we made our own packed lunches. No money was left for the canteen. I doubt she knew what day we had PE, she simply wasn't there in the morning to remind about kit!

I think children do get better at remembering for themselves if they simply have to. Obviously some children will be inherentlymore forgetful than others but i don't think there's any incentive if someone else will always remember for them.

@madcatladyforever dd can iron, cook meals. She washes up(when nagged) and can flush the toilet without being prompted. Completely independent.

But can she get that school bag organised without supervision? Nope.

@NoIDontWatchLoveIsland - I think it depends on the child. I have ADD (undiagnosed in those days) and so does DS. My parents never reminded me of anything and I never learned to remember anything - not ntil I was in my thirties when DH helped me to get organised. It was a slow process.

I reminded DS of absolutely everything until he was about fifteen. He just needed years and years of extra reinforcements because his brain doesn't naturally retain that sort of pratcical information. Now is is mor eorganised than his brother, but it took years of help.