They didn't use car seat!

[jollybobs89]

Ok so DD almost 2! Grandparents looked after her at the weekend for the day asked if they needed the car seat to which they said no probably won't go out!

Anyway turns out they did go out and took DD in the car with no car seat on MIL knee to a supermarket which was probably a 13 mile round trip!

DH has gone mental said it's not acceptable at all which it isnt! Caused a massive row as they said she was 100% safe that they are upset that we think they would put her in danger?! (But they did there was no need to take her in the car one of them could have stayed home) they have said that she was probably safer on MIL knee that she would be in a car seat!!! And said thats just what they do ?! They have numerous grandkids.

AWBU? To be mad re this?? They didn't tell us they'd gone out it was till a few days later we realised from pics they sent of having her.

Just don't want everyone falling out re this! But they won't hold their hands up and apologise they just think it's acceptable

I’m mid 40s and had child seatbelts. Not boosters but four point belts for children fitted in to the back of the car. OP I would email them. Explain that in a crash your child would have been crushed to death as the seatbelt would have held your DC against MIL’s full body weight travelling at car velocity. With an email they can re-read it and not pretend you haven’t said it.

So very sad

Nutty I know a woman my age whose parents did what you did, as did my parents also. It was the way it was then, because we didn’t know better.

The woman I know has been wearing a full set of dentures all her adult life because all her teeth got knocked out and her face mashed up when she hit the back of the seat in front of her when she was ten years old.

What’s your DH’s siblings take on that? Are they happy with their kids most likely not being put in car seats when out with their grandparents?

My parents did this. Idiots.

And yet here you are, alive.

Not acceptable! I would flip if this happened to ds. Ds is nearly 2 and I even get angry when his dad has him forward facing never mind not in a car seat

Show them this

My siblings and I range from early 80s to 1990 and I don't recall us having car seats in my memory. Certainly not from around 2 or 3. We regularly travelled with 6 of us in a 5 seater car sharing seatbelts or sitting in footwells. I recall a friend of mine was the daughter of a policeman and she was the only person I knew in a car seat by age 6. It's very strange to think of it now as I rear face my toddlers.

My parents are both almost 80 and I have teens now. They always used a car seat for their GC and were very interested in chan he's over the years of what is considered safest. Why wouldn't they be? GC are precious.

There are more and faster cars on the road nowadays, and so many terrible injuries and child deaths from accidents in the 70s and 80s where children weren't safely restrained. Sitting on someone's lap is proven to be dangerous. It's not about "their driving", it's about other cars and lorries who can be unpredictable. Why wouldn't they want heir GC who they love so much to have beat chance of survival and no injuries if someone hit them.

I'm totally with your DP and you. Stay as angry with them as long as you want whilst they are being negligent of your child's safety. You're totally reasonable to stick to no more having child at all until they agree to use car seat without exception for every car journey- it's the law and it's unsafe without one. And talk to your other siblings who may not know they do this. Sounds like they need you all to gang up on them and show them videos of what happens to child crash test dummies sat on adults lap in a crash.

I wouldn't be happy about this at all and I would not be worried about upsetting them. You need to lay the law down with them and if they don't agree that they were wrong then I'd not let them have her again. When I was a child in the 80s my parents took me and my older sister on holiday 8hr+ drives with us in the back of a van, sat or laid on blow up mattresses, looking back it was just unbelievably stupid! This wasnt a one off, it was regularly, and it continued into the 90s.

Pettycontractor I’m in agreement to an extent that there is minimal difference for bigger children between being in a child car seat and being in a safety belt (with a booster seat if necessary.)

This child is UNDER 2 and sitting (presumably in the front?) on her grandmother knee in a shared belt. If there was a crash the child would act as an airbag to cushion the adult, adult might remain unscathed, child highly likely to be crushed between the adult and the airbag or front consul in the absence of an airbag.

So your argument is not relevant.

And yet here you are, alive.

Let me guess, you’re not keen on vaccines either?

Actually I agree with @PettyContractor that it would have been safer not to have made the journey at all. According to the stats stated above, the use of a seat can reduce the risk of fatality in toddlers in the event of an accident by 54%. However, not going on the journey can reduce the risk of fatality AND injury to zero. Therefore I'd be asking the grandparents not to take the child in the car unless it was essential. (and if they did, obviously use the seat). Although, I guess they would need to be doing something else 100% safe instead...

Growing up, we had a VW camper van (my Mum was a bit of a hippy) and the children would sit around the table playing board games whilst it hurtled down the A1. Absolutely terrifying to think of now.

We also spent time in the US where we'd all pile in the back of my Aunt's Toyota truck and 'hold on tight, kids!' as we joined the freeway at 70mph.

Can't believe I'm still here

Surely the point is not so much about the law and changes and generational issues but the fact that know how you felt and still did what suited them? Even if you were being over cautious and ridiculous- your child, your rules. End of conversation.

My parents have had DS regularly since he was a baby. I bought them their own car seat once he was out of the baby carrier. Never in a million years would they have driven him anywhere without one.

I can remember my mum saying when I was born there weren't proper car seats so they strapped a seatbelt around my carry cot to get me home from the hospital! She said they got me a booster seat when they came out because they thought that would be safer. I was the envy of my friends with the booster seat because none of them had one and you could see out of the window better with it!

I find it bizarre in this day and age that anyone would consider taking a child out in a car without a proper seat.

I would just be focusing on the breaking the law bit as that bit is clear.

Even if you put a seat in their car they would be too stubborn/ stupid to use it. The only way to keep her safe is to not leave her with them EVER

Tell them it’s illegal and print out evidence and information. They’re ignorant and reckless.

I’d also never be letting them have my child unsupervised again. They thought they knew best - what else will they think they know best on? IMO, they’ve proven they can’t be trusted.

It’s not a generational thing it’s a choice the grandparents made.
I’m 63 and feel sick when I remember putting my eldest in a Moses basket loose on the back seat.
I look after grandchildren regularly and use whatever seats the parents require as per current safety regulations. I can’t imagine going against their wishes.
I’m far more safety conscious now as I’m taking care of someone else’s precious cargo.
It’s very narrow minded not to move with the times, very important to embrace new everything.
My grandparents thought it was ok to put whisky in the night time bottle to make baby sleep, my parents thought it was ok to leave a pram outside a shop, I thought it was ok to use cot bumpers with ties on them, and there will be things the next generation do that their children will be horrified at.
I would be constantly checking they are using the seat or else not leaving them there.

Report them to the police maybe someone with authority will talk sense into them. As for letting them have your lo again no I wouldn't they don't respect your wishes or have that child's safety or best interest in mind.

so she is happy to kill her grandchild by crushing her organs when someone hits the car and the seat belt is strained against her and the child or using her body to crush her against the dash board. Some people really shouldn't be allowed on the road or allowed near their grandkids

You could send the local police officer round to read them the riot act and maybe even caution them? That would clear things up in no time, I’m sure.

I am pretty laid back and definitely not as pedantic as a lot of MNetters but I would be absolutely bloody furious!! What age are the grandparents? Unless they are late 70s and above they would have had to strap their own children in !! I once looked after a poor lady who had taken her baby out of car seat to breastfeed...she was a passenger.Baby died in the accident and she had multiple fractures...have never forgotten her anguish at that was 30 years ago 😢

Grannybags, exactly, their baby their rules. I totally think this every time I read something on mumsnet about grandparent disagreements.