They didn't use car seat!

[jollybobs89]

Ok so DD almost 2! Grandparents looked after her at the weekend for the day asked if they needed the car seat to which they said no probably won't go out!

Anyway turns out they did go out and took DD in the car with no car seat on MIL knee to a supermarket which was probably a 13 mile round trip!

DH has gone mental said it's not acceptable at all which it isnt! Caused a massive row as they said she was 100% safe that they are upset that we think they would put her in danger?! (But they did there was no need to take her in the car one of them could have stayed home) they have said that she was probably safer on MIL knee that she would be in a car seat!!! And said thats just what they do ?! They have numerous grandkids.

AWBU? To be mad re this?? They didn't tell us they'd gone out it was till a few days later we realised from pics they sent of having her.

Just don't want everyone falling out re this! But they won't hold their hands up and apologise they just think it's acceptable

let them know you're angry/disappointed (adjust based on how well you know how they'll react).

Don't ask the question 'do you need the child seat?' anymore - they'll always need the child seat just in case they decide on a whim to go out. Make it clear its always to be used

And yet here you are, alive.

That's just luck that they weren't involved in a crash though isn't it?

initially when oldest dd was first born we couldn't get baby seats but what you could get (so we did) was a straps that went across the carry cot & the straps within the carry cot that held dc inside it. When the first seats & belt came in we purchased them straight away - & we certainly weren't rich (either older car or dh work car) we are talking 80's - as soon as baby seats came in we purchased them as well as boosters. The ONLY reason I would ever consider using dc in car without seatbelt is in the case of health emergency for THEM & it wouldn't happen as the first thing we do is make sure we have spare seat even if we don't think we are going out otherwise you walk with push chair -simples! or you don't go out

Actually I agree with @PettyContractor that it would have been safer not to have made the journey at all.

Well that's bloody obvious isn't it? Not much chance of being in a car crash if you're sitting at home watching Mr Tumble (unless one comes through your front room).

My parents did this. Idiots.

And yet here you are, alive.

Yes but the hundreds of kids killed before car seats didn't get to grow up to become parents to post on here, did they?

Re Taxis. When the child seat laws were being drafted, a concession was made on their use in taxis. Not out of safety but practicality and the impact to small business, self employed drivers. It is not safer in a taxi.

I have noticed some newer black cabs now have a built in booster seat, it folds down out of the back rest. I only ever take my DS in a cab that has one of these and pre book it, or I pre book with taking our child seat with us as well.

Well that's bloody obvious isn't it? Not much chance of being in a car crash if you're sitting at home watching Mr Tumble (unless one comes through your front room).

Didn’t you know you should never sit in your front room for that very reason?!

And as well all know, a doorknob can shatter into a million pieces and one could fly into your eye, and you could trip on a doormat and break your neck.

And watch out for realtors.

I'm nearly 50 and I can't remember anyone having car seats or using seat belts, lots of cars didn't have them at all as a pp said.

I'm 55. When I was a child, our cars had no rear seatbelts but belts were always worn in the front. I also remember sitting in the boot of a 2-seater for short journeys.

However, that is all completely irrelevant. Safety standards have moved on, thankfully. My parents and pils, all in their late 70's and 80's, used car seats for their grandchildren as they understood the importance of maximising safety, particularly for small children.

I think saying they put her in danger, even though they did, is always going to make someone be defensive. I would hammer home that it is illegal, that they are breaking the law.

Never have her again seems extreme, if they do you, fit her car seat into their car and be clear she must be in it, no need for lifelong fallouts.

A friend of mine is a paramedic. She was called out to a serious accident where a young child had been on the lap of a parent with the seat belt around both of them. The details were horrific. You can imagine the damage the weight of an adult forced into a child who is restrained by the belt can do. The child didn't make it. The adult survived. Please don't let your child be alone with them again.

You say you leave the car seat at nursery or with them, as a gran myself I do find them extremely difficult to fix in the car as don't do it on a regular basis therefore I have my own which I rarely remove.

Please check with DH's siblings! I bet they have no idea...

Unacceptable and illegal, stupid and irresponsible. I would have gone ballistic.

OP, I would say you need to have a calm conversation. Being confrontational only makes things worse. Tell them that using car seats is proven safer and the only thing you care about is the safety of your child. As such, you do not want her travelling in a car without one.

If they can't accept that, then they have no business babysitting her any more.

I agree karen but honestly, unless these GPS are in their 70s or older, or recent arrivals to the UK from somewhere with lower standards the really shouldn’t have to be told something that has been moody obvious for the last 40 years or so. Even Princess Ann was criticised at the time for bringing home baby Zara from hospital without using a car seat and how old is she?

These GPS were not unaware of the law or the risk. They just thought they were above it. That’s arrogance not ignorance.

Bloody obvious not moody! Honestly, my autocorrect is really driving me bonkers. 🤯

And those suggesting it's OK because they survived this years ago are idiots. There are ALOT more cars in the roads. These cars are ALOT faster. Chances of an accident are much higher today than they were

Late 90s a friend of my brother left his daughter with their grandparents, installed the seat for them and showed them how to do the straps etc. Grandmother decided she knew best and had her on the knee instead, and they had an accident. Imagine crushing your own grandchild to death in a car. They are now an extremely lonely and sad old couple with no contact from any of their children or grandkids. Is it really worth it?

second thread today where another grandparent can’t be trust and won’t admit they’re wrong.

I would say to them ring the local police station and ask them if they were right in what they did, I suspect they would be getting a very stern telling off.

I wouldn’t bother arguing. I’d just say “you’ve shown that you can’t be trusted to look after our DC, so from now on, you won’t be seeing her without supervision”. No big fight, just a loss of trust and privileges.

I would also make sure all the other parents know that their DC are probably also being transported without car seats, so that they can decide what they want to do about it.

It's one of those things that they just dont see/understand/believe the risk. They prob feel it's a ridicules fuss about nothing and you are over reacting. The children of today will never know the joy of going in the boot with the dogs, for example ... but some of them who would have died or been maimed will survive because of this.

What can you do?
Explain the law in relation to car seats.
Explain the penalty for not having child in seat.
Show them the stats
Buy a seat for their car for your child and show them how it works.
Talk about the issue with your brothers/sisters are they aware of the impact it could have on grandparents if they are stopped from driving etc if there is an accident - to encourage same message.
Not let them go round there again without you

I think this is indicative of bigger problems with them. They’ve done something dangerous and illegal. But far worse is the fact that they continue to assert that the child was safe. That tells you that they are either:

1. Intellectually challenged and unable to process basic information. In which case they lack the mental capacity to look after a toddler.

2. Very arrogant, in which case they’ll ignore anything you say and do as they please.

I remember once when my ds was a baby, that my dad wanted to go out with us. I said sure, I think it’ll be best to go in my car as the car seat is installed in there. He said no, I want us all to go in my car. I said to him ok we can go in your car but I’ll need to get the car seat in there and it will take me a bit of time to re install it in yours and it’s quite difficult. Still he insists. Now it was 15 years ago and the installation was fiddly. I remember him screaming at me whilst I was trying to do it, “we don’t have time for this!” And told me that my attitude towards safety was ruining my life. Err no dick head, you could have just got in my car and we could have gone straight out, you were the time waster and it’s your attitude to safety that’s wrong.

Years later, and a bit of toddler hitting later by my dad’s wife, I am extremely LC. So watch out op!

@PettyContractor WTAF are you on about. Not really relevant to this thread at all. The law is that they need a car sear regardless of anything else you think and if you read the OP properly the DC was on the GP lap with seat belt round them. I believe that is extremely dangerous . . .

@Borisdaspideoris that is so sad that poor child and their parents