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Original poster

They didn't use car seat!

604 replies

jollybobs89 · 24/01/2020 03:34

Ok so DD almost 2! Grandparents looked after her at the weekend for the day asked if they needed the car seat to which they said no probably won't go out!

Anyway turns out they did go out and took DD in the car with no car seat on MIL knee to a supermarket which was probably a 13 mile round trip!

DH has gone mental said it's not acceptable at all which it isnt! Caused a massive row as they said she was 100% safe that they are upset that we think they would put her in danger?! (But they did there was no need to take her in the car one of them could have stayed home) they have said that she was probably safer on MIL knee that she would be in a car seat!!! And said thats just what they do ?! They have numerous grandkids.

AWBU? To be mad re this?? They didn't tell us they'd gone out it was till a few days later we realised from pics they sent of having her.

Just don't want everyone falling out re this! But they won't hold their hands up and apologise they just think it's acceptable

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Original poster
jollybobs89 · 19/05/2020 11:32

@ReincarnatedDodo we were only at home if there was an emergency which was 10 mins away.

They didn't need to go to a supermarket both of them. They specifically said they didn't need the car seat.

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Gurning · 19/05/2020 11:48

No way would I be forgiving people who wilfully played Russian roulette with my kids lives. Since when is 'not killing anyone' a win? I'm of the opinion that if it's a case of surviving their company, then it's not worth it ever.

lyralalala · 19/05/2020 12:10

Being the one who had the crazy family can I just say - please support your partner in this

It takes a lot for a person to say "Enough. I'm done" with regard to their family.

They've treated you appallingly. It sounds like they have form with what you said about them commenting on your routines and the likes.

He knows them inside out and I'd bet you any money this is just the final straw and he's decided enough is enough. He needs your support in this.

Your kids won't miss what they don't know. And they won't miss much not seeing people who have such a clear low opinion of their mother. They will benefit massively from growing up in a household with a man who defends his family, and who doesn't allow people to being nasty or disrespectful about his wife.

Original poster
jollybobs89 · 19/05/2020 12:43

@lyralalala you know what you have just hit the nail on the head there!! Your right with every single thing you've said and I need to stop being so forgiving and nice they are my children and they should have more respect for me as their mother. What you have just wrote has really just hit home. Thank you!!

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Original poster
jollybobs89 · 19/05/2020 12:44

@lyralalala and I will 💯 support my partner in this I have been doing anyway but I just need to snap out of thinking I can fix it!

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Original poster
jollybobs89 · 19/05/2020 12:45

@Gurning definitely that's what my partner said just because you didn't have an accident we are wrong to kick off about it?! I think not!

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JudyCoolibar · 19/05/2020 13:17

But from their generation viewpoint would have once been normal.

No it bloody wouldn't! Not unless they're in their 80s or 90s, in which case I assume they wouldn't be looking after a 2 year old anyway.

I do wish people wouldn't bracket all grandparents as people who were bringing up their own children 50s or 60s.

00100001 · 20/05/2020 07:30

@ReincarnatedDodo Hmm

Well taking them to the supermarket hardly constitutes an emergency.

What emergency situations are there where the child MUST travel in a car?

Gurning · 21/05/2020 16:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gurning · 21/05/2020 16:09

Sorry! Have reported, wrong thread.

LouHotel · 21/05/2020 21:26

@jollybobs89 congratulations on your new baby, I can’t believe with a bloody pandemic and you sending out an olive branch how much your parents in law are not cutting off their nose to spite their face.

Of course they turned on you because they want their son back but don’t want to admit fault so you were the prime target. I think you need to take a read of the stately homes thread in relationships as what they might do now. They’ve already sent a flying monkey in SIL.

Original poster
jollybobs89 · 04/06/2020 07:45

So update my DP and his mother are due to meet up to discuss! She has asked to meet him only to talk about things.

Makes me feel like she's going to try and pin it on me, obviously my partner will stick up for me just feel like I would like to have my say!

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YinMnBlue · 04/06/2020 08:25

It is not a ‘generational thing’!

My parents are in their late 80s. Yes, when we were kids car seats did not exist, but by the time my youngest sister was born there was some sort of harness for clipping a child in the back seat: they immediately bought.

And by the time they were grandparents it was law and they wouldn’t have dreamt of taking my nephew out 20 years ago, without his car seat. No one did, no aunts, other grandparents.

It is sheer ignorance and stupidity to say a child is safer on a lap.

LouiseTrees · 04/06/2020 08:39

Keep us updated OP and talk to your partner (like a little pre interview pretending your the mother) before he goes so he has comebacks for the likely questions/arguments as I know my DH would advocate but not express well if not practiced.

YinMnBlue · 04/06/2020 08:42

Bloody hell, jollybobs
So sorry this escalated as it did, and so badly.

Your DP has been resolute so far so he is unlikely to cave to their probable ‘divide and rule’ attempt.

If by any chance they want to apologise it needs to be to both of your child’s parents, and to you for the things they said.

Very sad that people can be so stupid and stubborn.

My DH’s relatives can be totally stupid and once took Dd out in the car with Dd on grandmother’s lap and seatbelt round both of them which they thought was safe. I went mad, but as DH was in the car too..,, anyway, I was clear, and they promised it wouldn’t happen again and I trusted that.

I showed them the effect of a child being in a seat belt and the weight of an adult behind them, and the physics half sank in, so they understood why it was not safe.

MyNameHasBeenTaken · 04/06/2020 10:33

Not sure it's a generational thing.
MY grandparents (nearly 90)
Wont take my dd (now7) without a car seat.
Even for a trip of half a mile to collect hot food.
Same with my mum. In her 60s.

Original poster
jollybobs89 · 13/06/2020 19:37

So DP went and met up with his mum and they had a talk etc as she asked just to meet him. Apparently they thought that it was all me hence the nasty comments about me and deleting me off social media etc anyway I'm not sure that it matters who it was as they were still wrong in what they did. Partner set them right and stated it had nothing to do with me and they shouldn't have dragged me into etc. Anyway they seemed to resolve the situ and they apologised to him for falling out!

I've had no contact with an apology which I'm pretty annoyed about as I feel that his mum could have messaged me or something as she had brought clothes for the children so I messaged to say thank you and I said that it made me sad that they thought that it was all me, anyway this was over a week ago and I'm yet to have a reply which is a joke seen as she's been in none stop contact with DP seems to me they just wish to try and cut me out!

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2Rebecca · 13/06/2020 19:50

The fact that they blamed you without bothering to find out the facts and still haven't apologised would make me withdraw. Things will never be the same again. I'd leave further overtures to your husband. They've shown they don't actually think of you as family and view you as a trouble maker.

Original poster
jollybobs89 · 13/06/2020 19:59

@2Rebecca this is exactly what I want to do. However I don't feel comfortable letting the children go round just with DP as I feel like they have got what they wanted does that make sense?

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Marnie76 · 13/06/2020 20:00

@Toomuchtrouble4me

We grew up without car seats and if my car is overcrowded I have, from time to time stuck one of my own children on a knee. I wouldn’t do this with anyone else’s.

Oh. That's all right then
You really can't legislate for stupidity, can you?

It’s not a matter of stupidity at all. It’s an assessment of risk and for a short familiar drive I have and would take a child on an adults lap if necessary. It’s not about being stupid or ill informed, it’s a well informed risk assessment and decision made. it probably is subconsciously influenced by my growing up without seat belts and it’s not the norm - if at all possible I use belts.
However, ops children were fine, no damage done, grandparents have been told not to do it again and that can be the end of it.
No need for all the drama-llamas screaming for no unsupervised contact, it’s just not necessary. If they kept doing it then that would be a different matter but they haven’t so just chill out and let it go.

It’s irrelevant if it’s a familiar journey for you, you do realise other people on the road can cause the accident? Unless it’s a life or death situation there is no reason to excuse driving without a child seat
Shouldbedoing · 13/06/2020 20:07
They need to see this.
ArnoJambonsBike · 13/06/2020 20:10

@jollybobs89 It does make sense.

However, you can easily resolve it:

They cant see the kids without you being there as you dont trust them.
You dont want to see them, so you dont see them.

They lose as they dont get to see the children who's lives they are happy.to risk

Job done.

UncleShady · 13/06/2020 20:22

So your DP told them it wasn't you, it was him - but you're still being ignored while he's flavour of the month?

Original poster
jollybobs89 · 13/06/2020 20:31

@UncleShady yep nail on the head

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Original poster
jollybobs89 · 13/06/2020 20:32

@ArnoJambonsBike it's not as easy as that though when it's my partners family as otherwise that's exactly what I'd do.

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