They didn't use car seat!

[jollybobs89]

Ok so DD almost 2! Grandparents looked after her at the weekend for the day asked if they needed the car seat to which they said no probably won't go out!

Anyway turns out they did go out and took DD in the car with no car seat on MIL knee to a supermarket which was probably a 13 mile round trip!

DH has gone mental said it's not acceptable at all which it isnt! Caused a massive row as they said she was 100% safe that they are upset that we think they would put her in danger?! (But they did there was no need to take her in the car one of them could have stayed home) they have said that she was probably safer on MIL knee that she would be in a car seat!!! And said thats just what they do ?! They have numerous grandkids.

AWBU? To be mad re this?? They didn't tell us they'd gone out it was till a few days later we realised from pics they sent of having her.

Just don't want everyone falling out re this! But they won't hold their hands up and apologise they just think it's acceptable

you are never going to change their minds about whose fault it wsa so leave it. leave it for your sake really.

Absolutely terrifying. I would also let the parents of the other grandkids know that ‘this is what they do’.

Congratulations on your new baby.

Your children don't need stupid grandparents in their life.

If your DP doesn't want to talk to them then leave it. It isn't for you to force the issue. He stuck up for his kids and he is sticking up for you now. Why would you dismiss that?

Glad your DP has taken the lead on this. Ignore the nonsense that you've changed him, they are jealous he is taking your side as they see it. Safety is the most important thing

It's great that he has stood up to them and had your back. We read of so many women on these kind of threads whose DHs never stand up to their family and let their DW take the brunt of all the bad feeling. Well done your DP.

My dc don't have any gps. I don't feel they are missing out not having people around - ones who aren't committed to the best for them. Your ils failed in the their positions imo.
Nothing for you to feel bad for op.
And bloody good on your dh for putting the dc before the frankly bonkers ramblings of his dps.
Enjoy your new baby guilt free.

I agree, it's great that DP is standing up for you. The fact that that your in-laws refuse to see your point of view, even for the sake of peace, shows that they are pretty self centred. Get on with your life, you have a family, work with what you've got.

Maybe this video will help them understand your anguish, it shows a dummy on a parents knee in exactly the circumstances the deemed safe.

<a class="break-all" href="https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=m.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3Ds2-_fSRT18o&ved=2ahUKEwirgaq336npAhXuRRUIHUDlCZQQtwIwCXoECAgQAQ&usg=AOvVaw3RITlT6l77jmPpmvBbTlDN" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">www.google.com/url?sa=t&source=web&rct=j&url=m.youtube.com/watch%3Fv%3Ds2-_fSRT18o&ved=2ahUKEwirgaq336npAhXuRRUIHUDlCZQQtwIwCXoECAgQAQ&usg=AOvVaw3RITlT6l77jmPpmvBbTlDN

I know I am 💯 lucky that I have him on my side. The argument had nothing to do with me at the time it was between him and then, I suppose I'm just feeling down about it as like I said I was really close to them and treated them like my own family and can't understand how they have just turned on me. However I just need to get it into my head that what they did was wrong regardless don't get me wrong I was angry at what they did.

I just feel sad that my daughter will be missing out on cousins and gps as he has quite a large family whereas I never had. My partner said he can't forgive them anyway for how they have treated me. I think men are less bothered about this sort of stuff whereas women think they can fix things maybe.

He's annoyed as well as we went in to be induced to have our 2nd baby and none of them bothered to wish him good luck or safe arrival of our second baby but then they were very angry when my partner didn't let them know our son had been born, but in his eyes if they hadn't bothered to contact us to wish us well then he felt that they didn't deserve to know he'd arrived x

It's NOT a generational thing, I know someone who in early 2000's was incredibly lax about car seats for her two toddlers and thought I was OTT when I insisted mine had them.

I really wouldn't worry about missing out on cousins and GPs. Sounds like there would be drama after drama with these people and they already don't repeat you well. Much better to spend time with people who you like and respect, and who like and respect you, it doesn't matter that they aren't related to you.

Just don't let them babysit ever again. Problem solved.

I know don't know why I let it bother me so much think it's the hormones !

I'm just going to leave it to DP and let him decide what he wants to do (but right now he never wants to speak to them again)

I'm on the flip side of this situation. My DC had seats in the late 80s, religiously used. My DC were brought up expecting to use seats.
My DS1 has 3 DC with ex. She regularly drives without the seats I bought in so that she can take the kids and their cousins. DC1 had kicked off but was told if he interferes/ reports them she will stop access. She would! So if he reports he will lose contact with kids and she will still drive around like it..

@coldwarenigma that's horrendous !! Why put your children's life at risk!! What an awful situation for your son to be in!!

The generation things is a bullshit excuse. It's like syaing "well, when they were young people smoked aorund kids, so they dont think its an issue now" UTTTTEEERRRR BOOLLLLOCKS

DSs GPs were 70 at the time - and they used carseats all the time. Infact insited on buying a 'safer' one than i provided for their car...!

My main worry would be that they see no wrong in it. If you had highlighted the issue and they had been like OMG we are so sorry we just didn’t réalisé as we never used them years ago. You are so right and we can’t apologise enough it will never happen again ... then you could move on from it. But their attitude shows different. My DC would not go there again.

Re. the statistic up-thread about car seats halving the risk of death, which some people appeared not to understand the relevance of.

There were three options, originally

1. Leave child at home
2. Go using car seat
3. Go without using car seat

Going from step 1 to step 2 is the same increase in risk of death as going from step 2 to step 3. (And going from 1 to 3 is double the increase, obviously.)

The difference between taking a child on any unnecessary journey and leaving them at home is the same as that between taking the child with and without a car-seat.

If the increase in risk from the grandparents not using a car seat is in itself unacceptable, in other words regardless of the necessity of the journey, then the incease in risk from making the journey at all should have been eqally unacceptable. But it isn't, to almost everyone on this thread, because most people are unable to think rationally about risk.

People should rationally only be rabidly angry about failure to use car seats if they would be equally rabidly angry about the making of unnecessary journeys.

@jollybobs89 so glad that your husband is sticking to his guns. I agree with a PP, if your inlaws are capable of this behaviour, I can imagine that the idyllic family life you had imagined with them would not have played out like that at all. There would probably have been drama after drama so please try not to miss the dream too much.

My concern, on reading the thread was that if they are capable of such mind boggling stupidity, I mean there really aren't words for their thinking, then what else might they have done when the child/children were in their care? A terrifying thought.

I think you have had a lucky escape. Were there really no clues to their pig headed ignorance before this episode??

@Chamomileteaplease I know it's just a horrible feeling especially seen as they have been in my life for 6 years and I've treated them like my own family!

I mean they have their times where they have I thought I'm ridiculous for having a routine or not really allowing DD sweets/chocolate etc whilst she was younger so when she'd stay over routine would go out the window and they'd feed her loads of junk but I can deal with that as it's staying at GP etc but never ever thought that they would do that with a car seat! I think because they think I'm a bit anal with things like routine nap times stuff like that this is why they probably think it's stemmed from me!

Made the mistake of reaching out to DP MIL to see if I could resolve the situation messaged to see if she wanted any pictures of the grandchildren sending and said that this was all very silly falling out along those lines anyway!

Anyway this was Saturday morning had no reply feel like a fool now!

Have you been blocked maybe and the message didn't deliver? Check and delete the message if you can! Please don't go against your dh's wishes here!!.

No the message has been delivered and read. My partner knows I wouldn't go behind his back he just said I'm too nice and forgiving.

Your children, your responsibility, you should have left a car seat.

What do you expect them to do in an emergency with no car seat?

You're not in the wrong here, your in-laws are. You have done everything you can, including reaching out to them. It's time to draw a line under this and concentrate on your little family.