They didn't use car seat!

[jollybobs89]

Ok so DD almost 2! Grandparents looked after her at the weekend for the day asked if they needed the car seat to which they said no probably won't go out!

Anyway turns out they did go out and took DD in the car with no car seat on MIL knee to a supermarket which was probably a 13 mile round trip!

DH has gone mental said it's not acceptable at all which it isnt! Caused a massive row as they said she was 100% safe that they are upset that we think they would put her in danger?! (But they did there was no need to take her in the car one of them could have stayed home) they have said that she was probably safer on MIL knee that she would be in a car seat!!! And said thats just what they do ?! They have numerous grandkids.

AWBU? To be mad re this?? They didn't tell us they'd gone out it was till a few days later we realised from pics they sent of having her.

Just don't want everyone falling out re this! But they won't hold their hands up and apologise they just think it's acceptable

Maybe legal, but the mifold is a Which "don't buy"

They made a mistake, probably due to their own experience with the lack of car seats and seat belt

First this isn’t the only grandchild. They would know to use seats from the older children. This isn’t new news.
Second - if it was a mistake they would’ve apologised and said they wouldn’t do it again - it was ‘their way for the highway’
Third It wasn’t an emergency journey - they went to the shops.

DH didn’t over react - his child could’ve died or been seriously injured.

Then what? How would they feel then?

They used to show a "public information film" on the TV, which showed what happened to a child on someone's lap in an accident. Basically they get thrown through the windscreen.
I am a grandma and I would NEVER have an unrestrained child in a car. My son's car was written off by a driver who went through a red light and slammed into the side of his car on the passenger side. He was injured, but my grandson was fine, even though he was on the passenger side of the car (in the back of course), because he was in a car seat.

Some people are bringing out this idea that as there are more cars on the roads now and they are faster (really? I doubt it unless you're comparing to the 1940s) so car travel today is riskier and that's why we have car seats and seatbelt laws - but that isn't true at all. It was just as risky in fact probably more dangerous to have a crash in the 1970s-1990s. The last 20 years have brought on car safety in leaps and bounds. We don't have car seats now because it's more dangerous, we have them because we know exactly how risky it was in the past and they are just one of many measures to try and reduce car accidents, injuries and deaths.

Car accidents aren't the leading cause of death, though. Heart disease is. The largest cause of accidental death in children is fire and the largest cause of injuries is falls. But none of this means that car seats are unnecessary - quite the opposite! The fact that such a high proportion of children are transported in a car seat is likely to account for the low rate of children being killed or injured as passengers in cars. We have very very good data which shows this.

@antihop

The minimum legal requirements in the UK are so shockingly low as to be pretty much unsafe. Testing is only something like 30mph.

Testing at 30mph isn't what makes a car seat unsafe. Even the faster tests only go up to 40mph. You don't generally want a car seat that only just meets the minimum requirements for safety, however stringent they are.

The newer regulations R129 (all current seats sold to this are part of i-size so parents may be more familiar with this term) are more stringent and use better crash test dummies. This makes a difference to those minimum-safety products which are on the market.

@BertieBotts Joie is 50mph is it not? Either way I just mentioned the 30mph because that doesn't reflect how most people drive.

None of the car seat manufacturers I am aware of publish their crash testing set ups and speeds exactly as these are considered industry secrets. You may have read 50 km/h however this is about the same as 30mph.

I think it's unlikely they test at 50mph, you can't realistically crash test at speeds over 40 because above those speeds crash forces are too unpredictable, things like a slight change in the angle the car is hit from result in a totally different outcome, which is impossible to standardise in a lab, plus it would be dangerous for the testers and cause damage to the testing equipment. Even NCAP that test actual cars only test at 40mph, and the Swedish Plus Test (designed to simulate catastrophic motorway crashes) is at 35mph. That doesn't mean car safety features (or car seats) are going to fail at higher speeds though, and 30/40 do give us a good idea as to how different aspects will perform even at higher speeds. These days the big companies use computer simulations which can help them judge the effects of higher speed.

My parents have friends whose baby was killed riding on the mother's lap just as you describe

Old friend of mine was an A&E nurse and described the injuries of a couple of young children that weren't restrained. Horrific.

She likened it to a rag doll being thrown around the car with terrible head injuries.

Terribly irresponsible and hurtful that they would defend the indefensible.

So OP has your husband spoken to his siblings about it in case they are not aware it is happening?
My mother has always been a bit careless when it comes to some form of child safety (usually the ones no-one talked about when we were children) but even she would draw the line at carseats!

No, this is not acceptable. But I can see that you will probably cause a falling out trying to get them to apologise - definitely just a different generation! Why not buy them their own car seat and fit it? That way there never needs to be an unforeseen trip that they just decide to take, with or without the car seat?

I am 69 and would never dream of not putting any of my grandchildren in the car without a car sear! it is an offence not to, surely, like car seat belts. can you not point this out?

Thanks for everyone's replies!! Much appreciated

The situation has escalated dramatically DH sister has now involved herself in the situ messaged DH to tell him he was out of order for being upset as DD didn't die or end up in a car crash and he should have more respect for his parents unbelievable

Gosh, only on MN do you have to read where people have to be grateful that their children didn't die due to the pure deliberate stupidity of others.

I think you know where your responsibilities lie OP.

Your SIL is an idiot who also seems to have no concept of car safety!

Your DH needs to say to his sister that while her intentions are honourable (in so far as she is trying to smooth things over between her parents and her brother) this matter doesn't concern her.
If your DH wanted to he could add that intentions are all well and good but we don't know what lies around the corner and it is always better to be safe than sorry.
But he should say that he doesn't want to fall out with her so best leave things alone. It doesn't concern her.

They absolutely wouldn’t have her alone again

If it was my child they'd not have her on their own again and I'd report to police if they think it's acceptable with other grandchildren. A friend of mine had her 2 year old in an adult seat in a taxi mum was holding her but they were hit from behind by a bus at 40mph. Little boy shot forward between the two front seats and went straight through the windscreen his mum couldn't hold him the force of the impact was so hard. He survived touch n go for a while but is seriously brain damaged and scarred for life. I wouldn't even take my child in a taxi without taking my own car seat. If I found out any if my family did they'd lose their right to be a responsible adult.

Apar from the safety issue don't they realise it is against the law? If they can't accept that what they did was wrong you can't trust them to look after your child again

absolutely do not agree it's a generational time at all, more an uneducated, idiotic thing!
I agree I'm in my 60s and always used car seats for my children who are now in their 30s but even if I hadn't when I am looking after my grandchildren I follow their parents childcare rules eg when my babies were born I was told to always put them on their tummies to sleep advice has moved on and now I wouldn't dream of putting my GC to sleep that way. It is just arrogance not to accept that safety advice has changed.

I thought you were going to say something like an 8 year who was just below the legal minimum and I still would have said YANBU. They are out of order.

Just thought id update you all on this thread not sure if your interested.

Anyway still not talking they never apologised or said sorry but it's now turned onto me. 'How DP has changed since he met me as he wouldn't have gone mad about something like that normally, how I analysed the pictures that were sent and realised that she'd been out without a car seat, how I'm controlling' can't believe it to be honest.

I've encouraged DP to try resolve it with them as ultimately it's his family and my children's gp but then it's escalated to this now, really hurt as I've been with my partner over 6 years was really close to them and now it's all my fault hurts like hell. My partner won't speak to them again now as to how they have treated me, we've just had another baby as well whilst all this was going on I was heavily pregnant. Just feel like I need to vent as it's been getting me down.

Does anyone else have a relationship with their in-laws or not??

I wouldn't actually mind if it was me who'd realised about the car seat but it was my partner 🤣🤣

I do want him to sort it out at some point but obviously it won't ever be the same for me but partner has said he won't speak to them ever again after how they have treated me.

Tell him it’s desperately affecting your mental health and you want him to speak to them to correct their assertions about you being the one that noticed it. They are very irresponsible. Clearly his sister would take their side as she’s allowed her kids to be taken like that.

There was a heater breaking local case where an uncle collected a toddler to take her to his parents. His sister in law met him at a McDonald’s and the child was transferred between cars. The car seat he put her was for an older child. They had an accident and she was left with life changing Injures. He was prosecuted.

Do the grandparents, and that incredibly stupid nutty lady, not understand car seats have significantly reduced childhood road deaths? They were introduced for what should be a very very obvious reason. Childhood passenger deaths have declined dramatically. Two minutes on the internet will show this.

I am shocked at how incredibly stupid some people are.