They didn't use car seat!

[jollybobs89]

Ok so DD almost 2! Grandparents looked after her at the weekend for the day asked if they needed the car seat to which they said no probably won't go out!

Anyway turns out they did go out and took DD in the car with no car seat on MIL knee to a supermarket which was probably a 13 mile round trip!

DH has gone mental said it's not acceptable at all which it isnt! Caused a massive row as they said she was 100% safe that they are upset that we think they would put her in danger?! (But they did there was no need to take her in the car one of them could have stayed home) they have said that she was probably safer on MIL knee that she would be in a car seat!!! And said thats just what they do ?! They have numerous grandkids.

AWBU? To be mad re this?? They didn't tell us they'd gone out it was till a few days later we realised from pics they sent of having her.

Just don't want everyone falling out re this! But they won't hold their hands up and apologise they just think it's acceptable

If they had just said look sorry it was stupid won't do it again no big deal! But now it's caused a full blown argument and now my partner and them not talking at the minute!

They have just basically said that it's just what they do!

They were adamant that they weren't risking her safety!!

Will see how it all pans out! Bloody family dramas hey!

Thanks for everyone's comments least we know we aren't just being neurotic parents!!

They’re breaking the law but also if they had an accident your DD would be a wonderful cushion for your DM. DM would probably be ok but DD wouldn’t be.......

I'm in my 70s and the first thing we did was go out and get a car seat when we got a grandchild.
You have to explain to them that it is against the law for a child not to be in a proper car seat in the back of the car.
Yes when I was young we had no seats or seat belts and my youngest brother sat in the back of our estate car with no seat at all. But there was a lot less traffic and cars did not go so fast ! Still no excuse as people were catapulted through their windscreens in serious accidents. A child could collide with an adult and both could die.

@BertieBotts I would say, as a parent to small children in the 90s, that not one of those parents ever took a child out without a car seat. We were educated enough to know the risks and acted accordingly.

@twinkletoesfairy no one is being over the top, it is illegal and ridiculously dangerous, I suggest you should google what would happen if you had an accident with a child sat on your knee.

MIL doesn’t understand why DD (6) needs a car seat, because OH never had one and survived. Thankfully, FIL (tells her not to be such a dick) is very safety conscious, completely understands the requirement for them and would never travel DD without one. If he weren’t this way, there’s no way on earth that DD would be left alone with them

Yep, just me then :-D

Absolutely no unsupervised time with grandchildren if they genuinely are stupid enough to think its ok.

My pils openly criticised our use of carseats so as a result were never given the chance to do things their way when the children were too small to correct them.

I actually think everyone is being over the top, but looks like that will just be me, but honestly, get a grip!

They're endangering a child and refuse to change and you think the parents should get a grip?

Are you on glue @twinkletoesfairy or a negligent parent?

I’m old enough to remember when child seats didn’t exist and I’m guessing grandparents do too. Not condoning it though as isn’t it illegal now? Why not be the bigger person and buy another car seat for them, tell them you’ll forgive them if they fit the car seat and use it. If they won’t then tell them they can’t take her in the car anymore

Please send them these links

www.rac.co.uk/drive/advice/road-safety/car-seat-laws/

www.express.co.uk/life-style/cars/1028377/car-seat-baby-child-fine-UK

The driver is responsible for the child in the car and he will be the one getting fined and points on licence.

In the event of an accident a childs body will double over and result in Atlanto-occipital dislocation, orthopedic decapitation, or internal decapitation describes ligamentous separation of the spinal column from the skull base. It is possible for a human to survive such an injury; however, ONLY 30% of cases do NOT result in immediate death.

Do not let them let them babysit again and if you do do not ask them if they need a seat just put it in the car x or if you can afford it buy one for them and leave it in their car

The roads are so much busier now so the chance of accidents must be so much higher, also the speeds people regularly travel at now must be more. Its just not comparable to 40 or 50 year ago. It may be a small risk but the consequences could be huge.

There was a pp who mentioned that someone they knew crushed their grandchild to death in an accident as failed to listen to the parents and refused to use a car seat. It's a risk most people wouldn't be happy to take.

We grew up without car seats and if my car is overcrowded I have, from time to time stuck one of my own children on a knee. I wouldn’t do this with anyone else’s.

Oh. That's all right then
You really can't legislate for stupidity, can you?

It’s not a matter of stupidity at all. It’s an assessment of risk and for a short familiar drive I have and would take a child on an adults lap if necessary. It’s not about being stupid or ill informed, it’s a well informed risk assessment and decision made. it probably is subconsciously influenced by my growing up without seat belts and it’s not the norm - if at all possible I use belts.
However, ops children were fine, no damage done, grandparents have been told not to do it again and that can be the end of it.
No need for all the drama-llamas screaming for no unsupervised contact, it’s just not necessary. If they kept doing it then that would be a different matter but they haven’t so just chill out and let it go.

OMG! If one of your DC died in circumstances where you could have made them safer, how would/could you ever live with yourself?

I’m 40 and i definitely didn’t ever have a car seat and don’t know friends/family of my age who had one!

I am 50, and my parents had car seats (strap in carrycots when tiny, full on bolt-into-the-car fibreglass mounded ones when slightly older) for all 3 of us.

Apparently my parents were considered perhaps a little over safety-conscious, but it was common enough for them to be produced and available. I still remember that hot-fibreglass-on-legs summer afternoon feeling.

it’s a well informed risk assessment and decision made

If you're on a public road with other traffic it simply can't be a well informed risk assessment - you simply have no idea who is behind the wheel of the car approaching you, turning at a junction etc

The carseats available 30 years ago were more dangerous than being left on someone’s knee. I know several wealthier friends who had broken vertebrae from minor knocks. That doesn’t however change the fact that Op’s parents in law were idiots - you follow the rules and customs as of now. Pretty sure they wouldn’t stop using the fridge or telephone if they grew up without them - they shouldn’t do that with car seats.

I'm sure @Nutty44 is just on a wind up. No-one would really be that stupid to take the risk especially with some one else's children as it's not her decision to make

Well... apart from the OPs inlaws of course!

Not acceptable.

In fact, it’s fucking illegal!!!!!!

Do not leave your child in their care anymore. Until they apologise and start using car seats as per THE LAW.

It's simple. Until they agree they are wrong and will.use carseat they dont get DC on their own

And as for people travelling without them in the past ...

I remember travelling with no car seat or seatbelt but back then there was less traffic, cars were slower, not as many young drivers, all these things have changed over the years and the laws have changed to accommodate the rise in infant passenger related deaths.

So follow the law, use a car seat.

but this is what we did in the early 80s and no one got injured or killed

Yes they fucking did!

My parents and I were in a horrendous car accident when I was 1 in 1986. My mum sustained serious head injuries and was in a coma for a week. She was very very lucky time have survived. I was strapped into a car seat and was fine. If I'd have been on my mum's knee, I'd be dead.

This kind of attitude gets people killed. The law is there for a reason, and it changed for a reason!!

My 3 DC are late 20s/early 30s now and they never travelled in a lap or unrestrained! There were rear-facing baby safety seats, forward facing and then booster seats. No excuse.

Are they actually great-grandparents? My own DPs had a story of DSis riding in DM's lap, the car door flying open on a corner and DF grabbing DM by the shoulder of her coat to stop her falling out with the baby. This would have been almost 70 years ago in a car where the doors opened backwards. DPs both long gone and would now be 98 and 104.

Unless centenarians, no excuse!

I am in my late 40s , parents in late 70s/80s.

They have always used an age-appropriate carseat with my DC, it would never have occurred to them not to.

In the early 70s when we were little it was pretty much the done thing to not bother with carseats, kids were either on laps or just roaming around the backseat or whatever. Then one day my parents saw an Esther Rantzen 'That's Life' programme which featured a bereaved mum and dad who had always just let their kids sit on the back seat. Sadly their car was involved in an accident and all three children went straight through the front windscreen and died. My parents went out and bought car seats the next day.

I know that sometimes grandparents can be a bit 'well we did this with you and it was fine!' but really, these days, with cars so much faster and more dangerous than they were years ago, there is no excuse when it comes to car seats. YANBU OP.