They didn't use car seat!

[jollybobs89]

Ok so DD almost 2! Grandparents looked after her at the weekend for the day asked if they needed the car seat to which they said no probably won't go out!

Anyway turns out they did go out and took DD in the car with no car seat on MIL knee to a supermarket which was probably a 13 mile round trip!

DH has gone mental said it's not acceptable at all which it isnt! Caused a massive row as they said she was 100% safe that they are upset that we think they would put her in danger?! (But they did there was no need to take her in the car one of them could have stayed home) they have said that she was probably safer on MIL knee that she would be in a car seat!!! And said thats just what they do ?! They have numerous grandkids.

AWBU? To be mad re this?? They didn't tell us they'd gone out it was till a few days later we realised from pics they sent of having her.

Just don't want everyone falling out re this! But they won't hold their hands up and apologise they just think it's acceptable

There are people like me, in early 50's who grew up not wearing seatbelts. There are a few generations who are younger who have ALWAYS worn seatbelts. Of course that makes a difference in how you view this. I cannot get worked up about it too the point where I would suggest NC with grand parents. That is quite frankly ridiculous. If you grew up when seatbelts were not mandated and you never had an accident and never knew of anyone whose child was badly injured, you would surely be forgiven for thinking that the risk of harm was extremely low. Which actually it is. But the potential severity of risk is so great that most people will not take the risk. Some of my happiest memories are family gross to Scotland, seeing of at night with the 4 of us in sleeping bags in the back of our family estate, chairs laid flat. We also used to go to work with dad during holidays and used to sit in back of his white van adjust all the boxes he was delivering. It was always such a treat but I look back now and can see how unsafe that was. However, what I am trying to say it's, the risk to your child was incredibly low statistically and that is why they are trying to defend themselves. It IS generational as their experiences of raising children did not involved car seats and no harm came to them, which is why they consider it safe. That is why I think you're best route is too talk about the law and also point out to them that an almost 2 year old is fast approaching that annoying she where they try getting out of their car seats and they are seeing her a very poor example which in turn could endanger you later if your child tried to get out of their seat whilst you are driving. Tell them they need to be setting a good example and not breaking the law.

There are people like me, in early 50's who grew up not wearing seatbelts. There are a few generations who are younger who have ALWAYS worn seatbelts. Of course that makes a difference in how you view this. I cannot get worked up about it too the point where I would suggest NC with grand parents.

I'm mid-50's, so obviously grew up with similar legislation and attitudes to seatbelts as you. We had cars with no seatbelts in the back when I was a child. However, because I'm not an idiot, I can get worked up over this to the point of thinking no unsupervised access is the best approach.

Nobody is suggesting NC. People are suggesting no unsupervised contact which, quite aside from the idiocy of putting a child on your lap in a car, given the pils complete disregard for the parents wishes, is a reasonable response.

No further unsupervised contact.

If you grew up when seatbelts were not mandated and you never had an accident and never knew of anyone whose child was badly injured, you would surely be forgiven for thinking that the risk of harm was extremely low.

Only if you are stupid.

I grew up when seatbelts weren't law and I don't have a problem with seeing them as essential safety equipment.

Don't let them have her again- from what you've said they'd just lie and say they used the car seat, then be more careful about the photos they show you.

Definitely no unsupervised contact. They are still claiming they kept your DC safe, I am horrified.

Thank goodness you know this

They never get to look after this or any future grandchild alone again.

Simple.

Safety is everything and it is illegal not to use the appropriate seat for a child.

My mum tried doing this when my stepson (nearly 6m) was distressed in the car journey back from John Lewis near Christmas (we’d had to pull over as he was crying and we needed to give him water). To say I was livid was an understatement and I think I warned her she wouldn’t carry him in the car again.

OP, YANBU.

vdbfamily - I couldn't disagree more. My DH is 53 and our DCs 13 and 11, he would not have had selt belts growing up nor would my parents who would have been his age when my DCs were born. They would not dream of not putting them in the current seat. There is literally no excuse if you have offered the seat to them and explained what the law is now.

Also even if you hadn't explained, no one of that age would not know that all kids have car seats now esp very little ones, unless they have not left the house, read the news or turned the TV on in the last 20 years!

Erm, regardless of whether anyone thinks it is safe or not, do they know it was illegal?!

Bottom line is they did something illegal and risked your child’s life! Never leave child un attended with them again.

Once at nursery pick up, I saw a Nana pick up 2 children, 4 and 2, pop them in the back and drive off with them STOOD UP between the front seats! She must have only been 60! She was driving a new range rover so not like she couldn't afford seats! I went straight into nursery and reported it, I'd want to know if that was my kids being collected! Personally I'd not let them have her again until they had a seat in the car and lessons on strapping her in and promises of never having her again if they didn't use it

this remind me of the time my dad moaned I should have a stair gate when my dd started walking in my flat ie no stairs yet in his own house he refused saying she needed to know how to climb stairs!very stressful think next time just give them the car seat and say if they are to go out they have to be in it.

It’s illegal so find some literature stating the facts, find a policeman to have a word.
Be really firm and say they will no longer be allowed to be in charge of the tot unless they stick to your rules and the law.
Disgraceful behaviour

Jeeeez. I’d go mental.
No more babysitting for them. If they take risks with her safety in a CAR(!) then what else do they do?
No thanks, I would not take the risk.

It’s just a generational thing. We grew up without car seats and if my car is overcrowded I have, from time to time stuck one of my own children on a knee. I wouldn’t do this with anyone else’s.
Just say no drama but in future, for you, it’s an absolute no-no.
End of problem, nobody has to admit to being wrong if it keeps the peace, just re-establish the rules from now on.

@Nutty44 I would hope that nobody would be stupid enough to leave you in charge of their child if that is your attitude.

I have, from time to time stuck one of my own children on a knee.

Irish Road safety authority used to run a graphic ad that showed the damage caused by an unrestrained passenger to others in the car. So not only are you putting your own child at risk, you are putting everyone in the car at risk.

And no, it’s not a generational thing. It’s an idiot thing.

@PettyContractor don't talk utter crap. There is no excuse for what the Op's inlaws did.

@Toomuchtrouble4me
It’s just a generational thing.

We grew up without car seats and if my car is overcrowded I have, from time to time stuck one of my own children on a knee. I wouldn’t do this with anyone else’s.

Oh. That's all right then
You really can't legislate for stupidity, can you?

Just say no drama but in future, for you, it’s an absolute no-no.
End of problem, nobody has to admit to being wrong if it keeps the peace, just re-establish the rules from now on.

But they were bloody wrong!! And still are, apparently.

We didn’t have car seats or seat belts growing up.

When I learnt to drive I always wore a seatbelt and insisted others did the same.

My kids always had car seats and seatbelts when older.

Even now if I start to drive off and they aren’t belted in they shout up.

It’s not generational to understand the law and child safety ‘.

I actually think everyone is being over the top, but looks like that will just be me, but honestly, get a grip!

I do wonder if the parents of the other GCs know about the IL not using car seats.

The key problem seems to be that they won’t admit they are in the wrong so it’s difficult to see how you can move forward. My mother late eighties and so are her friends. Not one of them would consider doing this - and that’s why they get to see their grandchildren- they can be trusted. Sorry you have to go through this but you are being a great mum!