To want to be clear on the situation?

[VioletTurner]

Never thought about posting this on here but another post reminded me of the issue.

So I bought my first house in September with my BF (he had credit issues so isn't on the mortgage/land reg etc.). Its a beautiful 3 bed town house and I'm so happy with it!
The only room we've decorated so far is Bedroom 2, which is the guest room. So its the only room with absolutely no boxes in it.

My BF's mum has an issue with drugs/drink but I've never seen her 'on anything'. Her and her BF have violent arguments probably every other week. She has rang my BF holed up in their bathroom after barricading herself in because her BF is downstairs smashing things with an axe. So obviously a very volatile relationship. Its very often she 'leaves him' with a bag and stays elsewhere. Once, before we had the house, (we were in a 1 bed flat) my BF offered the couch if she ever left and couldn't get anywhere else. I even said this to her myself.

When she saw the house we were looking at, she joked that the spare room would be 'hers'. I didn't think much of it because most of my family said that when they came to visit (they're all over the UK), that would be 'their room'. Alarm bells started ringing when during another one of their fights, my BF's sister suggested she move stuff into our garage for the time being until she finds a place of her own. Now, if I was asked this I probably wouldn't have had an issue but to assume is another thing. Me and my BF weren't present for this convo.
His mum has come round to see us every other weekend for a cuppa and a catch up, and EVERY time she mentions her room. She even went up there to see if there would be 'space for her dresser'. I have spoken to my BF about my worry because as much as I don't mind her coming to stay if her BF is smashing the house up, I don't want a permanent house guest. Writing this makes me sound so mean, but I don't want her there all the time. Especially if she brings her drugs with her. He just thinks I'm overreacting and that his mum doesn't actually believe its her room, and she'll be moving in there when they have their last fight.

Opinions?

Absolutely do not let her move in.

Nightmare.
Say to both of them ASAP she absolutely cannot stay in that room.

Just laugh when she says it and make it clear it’s not hers and she won’t be putting a dresser in your house.

Tell your boyfriend that she will not be moving in under any circumstances.

YANBU. You need to set clear boundaries and quickly otherwise this situation will escalate beyond your control and you’ll be miserable and resentful.

Have a conversation with your partner, as soon as humanly possible, and make it crystal clear that his mother will NEVER be moving in, nor will she store her possessions in your garage. Do not back down and do not leave this subject open for debate. You are not being mean. Moving that woman in would be a massive mistake.

If you have ever lived with an addict you would know what a complete NoNo this has to be.

YADNBU. Having her move in is just asking for trouble! Her axe wielding boyfriend will be trashing your place before you know it!!

Under no circumstances let her move in. It’s not HER room, don’t keep letting her go up there measuring up!

So do you own the house, or you own it together?

I would be very wary of even having her to stay in an emergency. I know that sounds mean but I think she would expect to stay longer/permanently.

Don’t do it! Can see going horribly wrong with her axe wielding partner turning up on your doorstep. She won’t be out on the streets, there’s hostels etc she can go to.

If you let her stay for even one night you will never get rid of her.

No. This is a potentially dangerous situation. Do not let her do anything other than visit, and be prepared to have boundaries around that. You are not being mean.

I agree, dont have her move in, or even stay short term. She won't leave. If she's in trouble call the police to go to her house. Who owns the house she lives in? If she's renting with her bf can she afford to rent a one bed elsewhere? Make sure your own bf knows that you are not okay to have her move in.

Did he give you any money towards the deposit or anything?

Don't let her move in.

And when she says 'her room' you just say 'the guest room' every time.

Can you set up the room as something other than a bedroom eg a study with no room for a bed?

My friends MIL “moved in” after an argument with her new boyfriend and didn’t leave for 2 years! She slept on a camp bed in their little girls room! Unfortunately they are now divorced and I think not having any privacy as a couple may have helped cause that
Also you do not want drugs in your house.
However being in that kind of relationship will be soul destroying and she needs help when she does decide to leave him for good.

Legally its my house (on paper) But he pays for the utilities etc. I used my inheritance for the deposit etc.

Glad to read that I'm not being unreasonable. Luckily Its all said light-heartedly, but I'm thinking ahead.

You say that you bought the house and your bf is not on the mortgage etc. Therefore you have absolutely every right to say who does and does not live under your roof. Say no and mean it. What a nightmare.

Hell no.

Don't even let her stay. You'll never be rid of her.

Quite apart from your BF's mother, what do you mean you 'bought a house with your BF' but then say he isn't on the mortgage because he has credit problems? So, it's not his house, it's yours?

Would have thought I'd still be in the 'honeymoon period' of buying a first house but had this since November, and we only moved in September!

Well it's your house, not his. He just lives there. So just say no and that's that!

So it's your house that he lives in with you.