To want to be clear on the situation?

[VioletTurner]

Never thought about posting this on here but another post reminded me of the issue.

So I bought my first house in September with my BF (he had credit issues so isn't on the mortgage/land reg etc.). Its a beautiful 3 bed town house and I'm so happy with it!
The only room we've decorated so far is Bedroom 2, which is the guest room. So its the only room with absolutely no boxes in it.

My BF's mum has an issue with drugs/drink but I've never seen her 'on anything'. Her and her BF have violent arguments probably every other week. She has rang my BF holed up in their bathroom after barricading herself in because her BF is downstairs smashing things with an axe. So obviously a very volatile relationship. Its very often she 'leaves him' with a bag and stays elsewhere. Once, before we had the house, (we were in a 1 bed flat) my BF offered the couch if she ever left and couldn't get anywhere else. I even said this to her myself.

When she saw the house we were looking at, she joked that the spare room would be 'hers'. I didn't think much of it because most of my family said that when they came to visit (they're all over the UK), that would be 'their room'. Alarm bells started ringing when during another one of their fights, my BF's sister suggested she move stuff into our garage for the time being until she finds a place of her own. Now, if I was asked this I probably wouldn't have had an issue but to assume is another thing. Me and my BF weren't present for this convo.
His mum has come round to see us every other weekend for a cuppa and a catch up, and EVERY time she mentions her room. She even went up there to see if there would be 'space for her dresser'. I have spoken to my BF about my worry because as much as I don't mind her coming to stay if her BF is smashing the house up, I don't want a permanent house guest. Writing this makes me sound so mean, but I don't want her there all the time. Especially if she brings her drugs with her. He just thinks I'm overreacting and that his mum doesn't actually believe its her room, and she'll be moving in there when they have their last fight.

Opinions?

I'd make it clear what you are offering is a place to stay for a week or two while she works out a place to rent.
This would be an insane move.
OP - you are not offering ANYTHING.
Offering her a week or 2 will lead to her only hearing "great, I can move in with my son's girlfriend. She will then be aggrieved when asked to honour the agreement to move out. Meantime, you have your DP, his mum, her drug problems & an angry axe wielded to contend with. Lovely.

In the meantime, encourage her to create an escape fund.
Slowly collect a bit each week until she has a little nest egg squirreled away somewhere he can’t find it, like at your house.
FFS don't do anything of the sort.
You would be handing her permission to make her financial situation your problem. Her daughter has already cold-blooded attempted to extract £6k from you. You would achieve nothing but tighter bonds & assumed obligations.

You're dealing with financial insolvency, addiction and manipulation. Protect yourself and your home and don't be blind because of love.

Exactly THIS OP.

Please investigate the Cohabitation Agreement as PP suggests.
Please DO NOT MARRY THIS MAN.
Please DO NOT HAVE CHILDREN WITH THIS MAN.

You have only just moved in to your house, & already you have an insolvent DP, his junkie mum, his grasping CF sister, & who knows WTF potential harassment from the axe wielding b/f ...
It's really not meant to feel like this OP.

I dont want to upset you. But I do want you to take on board that I'm not being dramatic to suspect that you may be this family's latest 'mark'.

At the very least get yourself legally protected - immediately. You didn't buy this house to have your dreams pissed on by unwelcome lodgers, demands for cash, & potentially disastrous legal wrangles.

I also suspect that £6k is only the thin end of the wedge as far as his sister is concerned.

Woman up - get your big girl pants on - and when you are alone with her one day, say this:

You've joked several times about staying in my guest room, but I think the best mother -daughter in law relationships are the ones under different roofs don't you? I left home when I was XX age and really value my independence and I hope you will respect that.

Smile and wait for her to reply- she can only agree and will realised you are serious.

Don't let her walk all over you.

You're wondering if not wanting a junkie with an axe wielding boyfriend to move into your very own new home makes you sound mean?

You must live a very different life to anyone I know, is your dp abusing you in some way that could possibly make you think like that?

Offering her a week or 2 will lead to her only hearing "great, I can move in with my son's girlfriend.

I bet she would actually hear, ‘great, I can move in with my son’.

I would be very very careful. I suspect the pp isn’t far from the truth with this...

suspect that you may be this family's latest 'mark'

They will bleed you dry.

End the relationship, get a paying lodger and live happy!

As I appreciate the comments, my relationship with my bff isnt the issue here. I'm very happy with him and there are mo problems with him. My query was simply to do with his mother and staying at mine.

Your relationship IS the issue.

If it wasnt you would be already be clear on the situation.

You believe you have bought a house with your boyfriend. You havent. If you had, he would now be entitled to half the deposit you put down.

Thankfully, you bought a house alone.

Nip it in the bud straight away. And that means not even having her stay after another bust-up with her BF. She can go to a cheap budget hotel. Put in super firm boundaries. Since his mother isn't leaving her abusive relationship, don't be her crutch.

PS: Why do so many hard-working women shack up with insolvent, finanically feckless loosers!

I'd second what PPs have said about stacking boxes in your guest room but also suggest you move boxes to the side of the smallest room and get single bed in there.

In an emergency situation, she can go in there. Make the room as cluttered and uncomfortable as possible - she only needs enough space to be able to get into bed.

When she makes comment about her room, you can say "don't be daft, that's the guest room. If worst comes to worst, you can camp out in single room whilst we help you sort emergency accommodation with council."