Don't want to make donation to chosen charity

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AIBU - child has been invited to a birthday party and we have all been requested to donate to an organisation in lieu of bringing a present. The organisation in question enjoys strong support in some circles but is considered to be controversial by others. I personally would never chose to support this organisation so I would rather avoid making the requested donation.

The problem is that I don't feel like raising this with the mother of the birthday girl as it could easily turn into a political discussion, and I would rather avoid this as I don't know her very well. My child really wants to go to the party and I don't want to keep her from going over this, so not going doesn't feel like an option either. Turning up empty handed would also be wrong, and equally I don't feel good about disrespecting their wishes and turning up with a present instead.

I can't see any way around this. I'm going to have to make the donation, haven't I?

I’d ignore regardless of the charity as it’s a child’s birthday so I’d take a gift presuming it’s the parents choice not the child’s.

I don’t gift to charities outside of my chosen ones. If the parents want to support the charity they can donate themselves.

I don't have a problem with it as a concept, I don't buy into the 'all children need a huge pile of gifts' thing

^Me too

I don't think that you should donate to a charity that you are morally opposed to so could compromise by donating to a charity which has similar aims but which you feel more comfortable with. If you feel the need to say anything, mention that you made a donation without specifying which one.

For example, I only donate to charities that don't fund cruelty to animals. I won't give money to charities that support vivisection.

I know people who support Cancer Research but they fund animal experiments. If I was asked to donate to them, I would donate to either a charity that funded non-animal research or a charity that cares for people with cancer.

No fun if you don't tell us what charity it is.
I could imagine donating 50p for my child to tick the box & then donating £9.50 to another charity that I think does better.

@Blibbybobby That's interesting! I'm not an avid FB user (but obviously enough to have picked up on the trend). So is social media now insisting on 'virtue signalling' whether we want to or not? Are the click and link charities their offering, or selective choice? It all seems very 'charity chugger' inspired? Yes, great if the chosen charity receives extra donations. But pretty shit if behind the scenes there's a 'deal to be made', on what charities you can click 'yes' to acknowledge 🤔

Thank you everyone!

I didn't want to name it so as to avoid turning it into a discussion about the merits/demerits of the organisation, rather than the principal issue :)

It's the NSPCC.

Damn, I was sure it’d be mermaids.

I wouldn’t donate to the NSPCC either though.

Mermaids and NSPCC can both fuck off.

One spends its time grooming children to make irreversible surgical changes to their body in secrecy from their parents; the other thinks a rubberised wank in work toilets as a part of a sexual fetish is just dandy.

What's the issue with NSPCC?

uncommongroundmedia.com/nspcc-employee-films-himself-masturbating-at-work/

This... was reported acorss the mainstream media, twotter accounts etc. It was true, he did what the headline says he did, the lightly censored picture is part of what he posted. Said gentleman was initially supported by the NSPCC who told anyone that reported him to his employer that they were bullies and that they stood by their employees! Later recanted... ish!

Oh and Bergdorf... also in that article!

Come little childer, talk to me online, we won't tell mummies and daddies, it can be our secret --> NSPCC Ambassador! Soon retracted when the easily found safeguarding breaches were pointed out to them.

First gent had a hand in recruiting Bergdorf, if I remember rightly!

NSPCC who told anyone that reported him to his employer that they were bullies and that they stood by their employees!

We weren't just bullies, we were being outrageously homophobic by complaining!

As if all gay men like to wear their sexual fetish wear to work, and specifically advertise a children's charity as a key part of their internet published masturbating habits!

(feels like there is a "this is not just wanking at work, this is S&M wanking at work" pun in there...)

OK it's the NSPCC so they probably chose it cos it's well known and they want to help children. If it had been Mermaids I'd have been concerned they were really trying to vet the parents for wrong - think. I'd have also declined the invite because my child is pretty gender non conforming and really doesn't need to be exposed to that stuff.

I would not assume the birthday kid isn't somewhat on board though. We lost someone to cancer and my child frequently wants to donate to cancer charities. Mind you they probably wouldn't sacrifice the joy of receiving a whole shit ton of tat stuff their parents wouldn't buy.

Also worth knowing the age of birthday boy/girl, older child may well have made a decision, younger child mum (or dad) has almost certainly decided on no presents.

Christ on a bike. No wonder you don’t want to make the donation.

Where did our collective judgment go so far wrong that we find ourselves here? Unable to support a charity like the NSPCC, because they’ve allowed their own judgment and priorities to get so far out of whack it’s starting to look like some sort of surreal nightmare?

I’m feeling so old and bewildered and disillusioned with it all.

If it's the NSPCC there are plenty of other charities that help children eg War Child or a children's cancer charity or a charity that helps bereaved children.

I prefer donating to smaller charities as more of the money goes to the actual good cause, rather than funding a split second of a TV ad.

If it had been Mermaids I'd have been concerned they were really trying to vet the parents for wrong - think. I'd have also declined the invite because my child is pretty gender non conforming and really doesn't need to be exposed to that stuff.

Yes, I wouldn't give to the NSPCC but I would assume parents who did were naive rather than dangerous.

I would keep my children the hell away from anyone supporting Mermaids though.

What have the NSPCC done that I haven't heard about? I always thought they were OK, on a par with BHF and Red Cross. I certainly learn something here.

I'd just put some money in a card and say, sorry, left it too late to do the donation. Then they can do what they like with it and chances are, the girl will keep it.

I'm sure she will have plenty of presents from family and friends.

I have a grudge against NSPCC so tend to support you, OP!
50p to them & 9.50 to someone else.

@bluerussian you asked what the NSPCC have done. I copy below my post from earlier in the thread:

What is wrong with NSPCC?

Well, many things, but for me this was pretty disgusting - James Makings wore his personal rubber fetish wear to work, masturbated in staff toilets while wearing it, filmed it, and uploaded it to the internet with tags saying all that.

When this came to light and complaints flooded in, NSPCC called complainants homophobic and other slurs and defended him to the hilt.

He was quietly sacked a little later on though. But no retraction of the slurs from NSPCC.

Then there was the Munroe Bergdorf debacle too.

How much do you want?

http://uncommongroundmedia.com/nspcc-employee-films-himself-masturbating-at-work/

They won’t know who has or hasn’t donated unless people make it known to them They will if they do it via a Justgiving type page.

I prefer donating to smaller charities as more of the money goes to the actual good cause, rather than funding a split second of a TV ad

Proportionately charities that can work ‘at scale’ may we’ll be better value. And good luck trying to run something like Macmillan as a small local charity with no media campaigns.

My children's school were collecting for Mermaids and i refused to donate.

I think you should send your child to the party without a gift or a donation. Parties are about friends and having fun not material things anyway.

Oh blimey, I didn't know about that, yeuch.

I'd sponsor a donkey for the child who at least will receive letters and photos from their chosen one🐴🐴

I also have a personal grievance against the NSPC. They wouldn't get a penny. I would go with a book/cinema token and a box of maltesers