Don't want to make donation to chosen charity

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AIBU - child has been invited to a birthday party and we have all been requested to donate to an organisation in lieu of bringing a present. The organisation in question enjoys strong support in some circles but is considered to be controversial by others. I personally would never chose to support this organisation so I would rather avoid making the requested donation.

The problem is that I don't feel like raising this with the mother of the birthday girl as it could easily turn into a political discussion, and I would rather avoid this as I don't know her very well. My child really wants to go to the party and I don't want to keep her from going over this, so not going doesn't feel like an option either. Turning up empty handed would also be wrong, and equally I don't feel good about disrespecting their wishes and turning up with a present instead.

I can't see any way around this. I'm going to have to make the donation, haven't I?

What is wrong with NSPCC?

Well, many things, but for me this was pretty disgusting - James Makings wore his personal rubber fetish wear to work, masturbated in staff toilets while wearing it, filmed it, and uploaded it to the internet with tags saying all that.

When this came to light and complaints flooded in, NSPCC called complainants homophobic and other slurs and defended him to the hilt.

He was quietly sacked a little later on though. But no retraction of the slurs from NSPCC.

Then there was the Munroe Bergdorf debacle too.

How much do you want?

uncommongroundmedia.com/nspcc-employee-films-himself-masturbating-at-work/

I think it's important to mention why you don't approve, as otherwise these things go through by default, and they will think that no-one else objects, so you must be the odd one out. For example, if it were Amnesty, I would say what I don't approve of (eg their work with CAGE, Gita Saghal case), and suggest a similar charity.

We’ve been to a few ‘no gifts’ parties, a few people always bring gifts for the child anyway and claim to have forgotten the request (or like me, secretly feel sorry for the birthday child). Just take a gift and say happy birthday. They won’t ask why or reject the gift but in the unlikely event you get put on the spot just say “oh DC really wanted to choose this for your D.C. I hope she loves it” and change subject.

'Sorry to have to give you the cash instead of donating online, I tried soooo many times and it just wouldn't work with my details! No idea what I must have been doing wrong!'

Can you make a donation to a different charity?

I would strongly advise NOT doing this. I was in a similar situation to you a few years ago and asked my friend if they had an alternative charity I could donate to instead as I wasn't comfortable donating to that specific one. My friend found this so insulting that we didn't talk for YEARS!

It would be cash in a card. I feel like this when schools force certain charities on to parents.

Perhaps a donation to a different charity and tell them which you have donated to on their child's behalf. Not something I would usually do, but it might remind them of their presumptuousness. You are not obliged to donate to a charity you disapprove of.

I hate this, I'm fairly sure that no primary aged child has ever said "ooh let's get people to give a charity donation instead of buying me presents". We had one of these once and I rang the mum and said I didn't want to give charity donations I wanted to know what her son actually wanted himself, for him, to keep as his very own. (That said, I know her pretty well, not sure I'd have done that if it'd been some random person from school).

But no, you don't have to give to the charity if you don't want to.

Give the child a book token

I would donate to another charity and just tell the parents you’ve done the donation.

I would just send my child with a card, and perhaps a book token. Ordinarily I'm a fan of cash in a card for children's parties but in this case the parents might pass it on to the charity so that would not be happening.

If the parents said anything I'd flat tell them I don't support the charity. They probably won't though.

Don't feel obliged to financially support something you don't agree with. Just write "donation made in X's name" in the card and give to a charity in a similar sector you feel happier with.

I don't know how to vote to say "don't do it!" But don't do it. Cash in card, or present, or nothing. It's not something to have an argument about, and I can't imagine they want to upset anyone, so just don't mention it and do a palatable alternative.

How small is the charity? Unless it's a fundraiser which only say the 20kids attending are donating to. How on earth would the parent know you hadn't donated? I doubt anyone's got time (or inclination) in their life to sit scrolling through a list of donations online to see if little 'Jimmy Smith has donated their £5)?

Thanks BuzzShit . I just didn't know much about them.

Is that a thing now?

Set up a page for birthday giving so the birthday child can see how un / popular they are in terms of hits, comments and actual cash donations.

WTAF!!??!!

Just say sorry my internet access has been playing up but here's £20 or whatever. And give the DC a book, kids like a good read

No need to even say anything about the charity, it really doesn't matter in the grand scheme of life.

It always amuses me with the FB charity donations people set up for their birthdays. I've yet to see one reach over £5, and then the birthday person goes on to show pics of what they've received (so didn't actually want donations in lieu after all 🤔). Whatever happened to people just making anonymous donations because they believed in the cause? Not 'yay look at me! Doing my bit 🙄). Surely the parents could have just said' we'd appreciate no gifts this year, but a book token, or small cash amount (if you feel you can spare it), will be then donated).

As a child I would have been gutted not to receive presents on my birthday.

I wonder if it’s an environmental charity. A lot of children do take green issues very seriously now, and while most kids want the gifts, I can completely imagine a kid who, for example, asks mum to reduce plastic also having reservations about receiving a lot of new gifts.

I suppose it’s like a mum who tries to avoid gender based toys being asked for a pink fashion doll

It always amuses me with the FB charity donations people set up for their birthdays.

Facebook has started defaulting it. So basically it says “hey it’s your birthday, do you want to ask your friends to donate to [a popular charity presumably selected by an algo based on your profile]?” You have to effectively say either “yes, let’s use my birthday to do good” or “no, I am a nasty person who doesn’t want to help people”. I can see why people get sucked into setting them up.

(I, of course, ticked the nasty box)

I don't have a problem with it as a concept, I don't buy into the 'all children need a huge pile of gifts' thing but we have been invited to a party with the same thing on the invitation and I'm taking a gift, because I had been ultra-organised and had bought it well in advance!

Could you let your DC choose a little gift that they think their friend would like and then say, I hope xxx likes it, myDC wanted to choose it themselves?!

Echoing book token or cinema voucher.

If it's Mermaids, I'd send some money towards the LGB Alliance or Detransition Advocacy Network instead, then lie through my teeth ;)

Send a card and donate to a charity of your choice. Don't mention it to the party parents, and if they ask (unlikely), just tell the truth.