Don't want to make donation to chosen charity

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AIBU - child has been invited to a birthday party and we have all been requested to donate to an organisation in lieu of bringing a present. The organisation in question enjoys strong support in some circles but is considered to be controversial by others. I personally would never chose to support this organisation so I would rather avoid making the requested donation.

The problem is that I don't feel like raising this with the mother of the birthday girl as it could easily turn into a political discussion, and I would rather avoid this as I don't know her very well. My child really wants to go to the party and I don't want to keep her from going over this, so not going doesn't feel like an option either. Turning up empty handed would also be wrong, and equally I don't feel good about disrespecting their wishes and turning up with a present instead.

I can't see any way around this. I'm going to have to make the donation, haven't I?

Need to know the charity

I sent a voucher to a friend’s son for his birthday.
He had asked for donations to Cancer Research UK but I won’t donate to charities that condone animal testing.

I didn’t explain why I’d sent the voucher and neither the friend or the son mentioned it.

I don’t see what the fuss is about. And I don’t understand what people are saying “poor child”, the child may have chosen the charity to donate too? They may not know the full background of the charity? I would just donate £5 and forget about it, it’s not worth stressing over.

There are several charities I wouldn’t chose to donate too, I would always choose a local small charity but I wouldn’t not donate if someone had nominated a charity for a birthday or funeral.

I don’t think any parent could find fault with a book token.

Buy a lovely book and be done with it, tell the Mum you have already bought a gift, she’s going to be polite anyway so just go with what you feel ok with.

My bet is NSPCC or Mermaids.

It's pretty irrelevant what the charity is isn't it?

If Op disagrees then she disagrees. I can think of charities that have strong support in some circles that I couldn't support based on their statements and behaviour (political or otherwise) despite the fact I agree with supporting the people/animals/environment that the charities support. Donating is condoning their behaviour which I might not be able to do in good conscience.

Out of your options I'd probably go cash in a card Op. In my eyes it's the least judgemental between donating to a completely different charity and potentially being asked why and entering into the political discussion anyway.

YANBU but how much of a stand I would take on this would depend on the charity. If it was something I felt very strongly against (such as the mermaids one a previous poster mentioned, it's a polarising cause) then I would not donate regardless of the consequences. If it was something I just wouldn't choose to donate to otherwise, I would probably just suck it up.

Mermaids? could understand your extreme reluctance if it was!

Just say you made a charitable donation direct rather than through the fundraising page by accident.

Depends on how it's phrased. If it's the typical "no presents, but if you would like to give a charity donation in lieu of a gift" type message then I would send DC to party with a card (with or without book token or similar in it), not say anything and think no more about it. If it's phrased more like "we would like to ask for donations to X charity in lieu of presents" (i.e. no polite "if you would like to" opt-out clause) then I would consider either not sending DC to party or having a quiet word with the mother and explaining that we don't feel able to support X charity and so is DC still welcome to come to party? But I wouldn't donate to a charity I didn't agree with, no.

There are many reasons why different people don't feel able to donate to different charities, so while some are clearly more divisive than others I don't feel that the particular charity is especially relevant. What's relevant is that you don't feel able to give to them, so you shouldn't.

Is there a cause that you and your DD are interested in? If so, then you could say something like:

"DD has been learning about X recently, so was really keen to donate to a charity about X, and I didn't want to discourage her. Hope you don't mind. I think it's great that you suggested this as an alternative to presents, as it teaches children the importance of kindness, etc. Well done.'

How old is the birthday child, and was the donation in lieu of present thing their idea?

Parents are damned if they do and damned if they don’t! If you really object to the charity in question the. Just give to another one.

I bet it's bloody Mermaids. Whatever you do don't give them any money to support child abuse!

The parents will also be able to compare the number of donations with the number of guests at the party,

I bet they won't though. I would have thought that the main reason parents would do this is that they don't want however many presents, but appreciate people want to contribute something so they've offered the charity donation option.

They won't say anything even if they do notice, I wouldn't have thought. There's a child in my child's year group who turns up to all the parties, but doesn't bring a present or a card. I don't think anyone has said anything yet!

I think you are over thinking it. I have had plenty of parties for my children where a child has turned up empty handed. They were invited because my children wanted to have fun with their friends, not because I wanted a load more presents/cash for them.

If the charity is not one you agree with then either don't donate at all and say nothing about it or pop a note in the card to say charitable donation made in X's name and make one to a charity which is agreeable to you.

Just because there is an online link doesn't mean you have to use it. Anyone who then starts checking names and numbers against donations isn't doing it for the right reasons imo.

Dying to know what the organisation is. Is it low level controversial like NSPCC or is it something bonkers like momentum? If it’s the former I would probably just tell the mother for your reasons fof not donating and say you don’t made a donation to a similar but not morally questionable charity.

Dying to know what the organisation is.

(Me too )

They're not going to compare names and numbers. As a PP said just write in the card that you've made a charitable donation.

I'd take a book token for the child.

She is hardly going to throw it back in your face

It if they dont want gifts take her literally and buy nothing and no donation

What is the controversial (in some circles) charity?

What is wrong with NSPCC?

I’m guessing mermaids too!!

Not a cats chance in hell I’d donate to them (or whatever charity it is if you disagree with their stance).

Just give the child a token gift and donate to a charity of your choosing.

I feel for the birthday child, a birthday party without gifts sounds shit to me, even if they're small gifts.