Don't want to make donation to chosen charity

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AIBU - child has been invited to a birthday party and we have all been requested to donate to an organisation in lieu of bringing a present. The organisation in question enjoys strong support in some circles but is considered to be controversial by others. I personally would never chose to support this organisation so I would rather avoid making the requested donation.

The problem is that I don't feel like raising this with the mother of the birthday girl as it could easily turn into a political discussion, and I would rather avoid this as I don't know her very well. My child really wants to go to the party and I don't want to keep her from going over this, so not going doesn't feel like an option either. Turning up empty handed would also be wrong, and equally I don't feel good about disrespecting their wishes and turning up with a present instead.

I can't see any way around this. I'm going to have to make the donation, haven't I?

In the same way that parents can’t specify how much you spend or what you buy as a present, they can’t expect to control this either. It shouldn’t be a condition of your child’s invitation. They’ve asked for what they’d prefer, you have the right to ignore it. Donate to something else you feel more comfortable with. Send the child a card. Say nothing.

No way o would donate to a charity o disagreed with for the sake of not starting a political convo.
Cash in card, the. They can do what they want with it. It might end up going to the same place, but that’s down to them, you haven’t done it yourself

That’s very difficult, OP. I’d normally have no issue with complying with such a request but wouldn’t for example want to donate to a charity that I felt were harmful such as Mermaids or where there have been questionable use of funds in the past, such as Help for Heroes.

Make a donation to the charity of your choice, and comment nonspecifically in the card that 'a charitable donation' has been made.

Nothing would compel me to support or fund a charity that I considered caused actual harm. And of course some charities, despite their popularity, are very concerning.

Just don't make a donation. Make a donation in the same amount to a charity you support.

Don't make it a thing with the mum, it's really not worth it, especially if you have years of school to get through.

How will they know who you donated to? Just donate to a different charity.

Poor kid is getting no presents? And no, if you don't agree with whatever it is, donate give them money

What’s the charity? Something to do with trans kids??

Just buy a cinema voucher and then say you'd read the invite in a rush whilst shopping and bought the voucher there and then without noticing that part 🤷🏽‍♀️

Don't do anything, just give a card. The child's mother won't know who has or has not donated.

I'm sure she will have loads of presents from family and friends.

How will she know if you have or haven’t? I’m presuming you aren’t asked to show a receipt.

Also, please tell us what the charity is. How bad is it?

I wouldn't donate but would give a small gift like a nice box of sweets.
I'm dying to know what the organisation is

Put money in a card and be done with it. If questioned say you don’t like putting your card details in online/waiting for a new card/ran out of time to donate before the party.
Or just give the child a card. The parent won’t know if you did or did not donate, you can make anonymous donations online.

Which charity ?
If I really didn’t feel able to donate to a particular charity then I’d just pitch up at the party .

Make a donation to the charity of your choice, and comment nonspecifically in the card that 'a charitable donation' has been made.

This.

It depends on how much you disagree with said charity tbh. Some of them I would categorically refuse to donate.

I wouldn't want to put £10 in an enveloppe either as you will know this is where the money is going to go anyway.
I would either give to another charity (doing something similar if possible) or take a small gift for the child and claim you forgot.

How would the parent knownig you made a donation or not?

How old is the child? I wonder if that's what she wanted to do or is it the Mums idea?

I'd just say you had already bought something for her you knew she'd like.

Is it via a JustGiving link or similar? So that you're concerned they'll see you haven't donated.

You can either go cash in a card (easiest) or donate to a different charity and write in the card something like "As suggested, we have made a charity donation in lieu of a gift" and leave it very vague whilst donating to your own choice.

No one should be forced or compelled to donate to charity. That's the opposite of charity, in fact. Freely given or not at all.

Just give a card, no need to donate to the chosen charity.

Well, don't. Give - or don't give - to a charity of your choice. It's a suggestion not a command.

Send card saying you donated the money to charity, don’t say which charity and then give £10 or whatever to a charity of your choice, who needs to know?

Hi everyone,
Thank you for all the comments, really very interesting to see what you all think.

About the party, guests have been directed to a fundraising website and while you can donate anonymously most people haven't so far. The parents will also be able to compare the number of donations with the number of guests at the party, so in that sense I suppose they would know if someone hasn't contributed, even if some will donate anonymously.

Sigh.

It’s their choice to request a donation instead of presents. If that puts you in the position of choosing not to donate and having to respect their request not to give a present, there’s no need for you to take any responsibility for that.

They won’t know who has or hasn’t donated unless people make it known to them.

Just let your child go to the party, don’t donate, don’t give a present, and don’t give any more thought to it.

What charity?

Personally, if you really disagree, then a gift voucher or cash in a card would be a good compromise