Am I starving my toddler?

[anniefrangipani]

17mo DD, still breastfeeding, sleeps 7-7 with one or two wake ups. Naps 11-1pm, feeds to sleep, eats three meals a day plus one snack.

We started weaning at 6mo and did BLW exclusively. She has always shared our meals, will quite happily eat steak or pasta or gooseberries or whatever we're having. We've always tried not to make too much of a fuss of her eating, and just let food be it's own reward.

Occasionally she'll turn her nose up and refuse to eat anything at all. We don't make a fuss about that either.

She still happily shares our meals - tea last night was homemade burgers, brioche buns, mature cheddar, corn on the cob, sugar snap peas. She had about a quarter of a burger, a piece of bun, a few bits of cheese, half a corn cob, about five or six sugar snaps. She had a few bites of everything, but didn't finish any of it or I would have given her more.

Tonight's dinner is steak and cauliflower cheese. She'll have a couple of strips of steak, a couple of florets of cauliflower, a tablespoon of peas, a few carrot circles. She's unlikely to eat it all, though if she does there'll be more.

Breakfast rhis morning was porridge with dried cranberries and dried blueberries. She ate five teaspoons, which I would consider a lot for her. Plus she stole two raspberries from DP (offered her more, plus some ham, but she wasn't interested).

Am I starving her? I've never given her a whole packet of crisps. Or a whole ice cream. Or a whole slice of cake or a whole sandwich. It, frankly, wouldn't occur to me to. But every time I log on to Facebook, people with kids the same age are holding ice creams, and my mother has been complaining that I'm starving her since DD was 10w old (I have been ignoring her, obviously, but maybe she's not entirely wrong?)

AIBU by not offering enough food?

Wow, that's not even a stealthy stealth boast!

I have a 19 month old and I offer similar amounts to you, similar amounts get rejected. Sometimes she inhales lots of something, like raspberries or mango curry!

Offering them junk food isn't necessary. You are offering real, filling food. Baby will be satisfied eating a couple strips of meat far more than a packet of quavers!

You are doing great! Baby led weaning is just that. They would eat it if they wanted. And having done baby led weaning I am sure thats why your toddler enjoys a wide range of healthy food, and knows their appetite. My nearly 6 year old is still getting the benefits from this and just stops when she is done instead of having to finish.

I think for some independence for her I'd give her own plate with her own meal but still the same as what you're having, I make ds a sandwich using baps or one slice of bread, hes nearly 2 so now has some chocolate and crisps and things but always the healthier version and only if he has his fruit and veg and other nutrients, it's all about preference and once she is happy and healthy then theres no problem. Ds has never even tasted ice cream. Once she's getting her nutrients then don't worry but for some independence I would give her own meal.

Toddlers don’t need as much food as babies as they don’t grow at the same rate. If you look at the red book you can see that there is a page for 0-12 months and then a page for 1-4 years! Just let her eat what she likes. I always offer my son the family meal and something (healthy) that I know he will eat at once. Usually he’ll try a bit of everything.

It doesn't sound like much but their stomachs are their size of their fists apparently, so your lunch especially sounds like it added up to 'baby fist size'

DS probably only started getting/eating the whole of unhealthy treat foods age 3. Before he'd probably try a few licks or get it split in half with me, like a pp said I'd still take a photo of him holding it eg 'my first icecream' but I don't think many one year olds actually eat a whole mr whippy!

Not a stealth boast! She's also never eaten a whole bowl of puréed broccoli or a whole ham sandwich, if that helps clarify that it's not health vs unhealthy foods - it's just that I don't know many people posting photos of their kid smiling on the beach with a head of broccoli.

And she does have ice cream... It's just that she'll have the bottom inch of DPs rather than her own.

My mum goes on and on and on that she's not eating enough, that I'm neglecting her, that starvation has long term effects on the body...

It's reassuring to hear other people's kids eat similar amounts! Did/do you offer them 'big' things (a whole sandwich, say, rather than just the quarter that you know they'll nibble)?

I feel like I spend half my life telling DP to sit down a bit longer and ksr her finish eating and half my life telling my mum she eats fine and doesn't need a whole bag of chocolate buttons mid-morning

gaffamate

No but you know you're not. This post is just to be judgy about people giving ice creams etc. compared to your wholesome sugar snap peas. Social media doesn't convey the full picture of most people's lives

This ^ poster got it in one! 🙄

You havent answered the only important question. How is she on centiles?

Don’t you have to purée food until their a certain age?

No, that's the point of baby led weaning. They eat what you eat from 6 months old.

OP, trust your instincts. If you're offering food and she's eating some of it but not all of it then she's clearly not starving or she'd eat more. BLW babies are better at regulating their appetites. Some kids have bigger appetites naturally. Some kids have days where they eat hardly anything and others where they are bottomless pits. You're baby-led, so let her lead.

But a whole ice cream every now and then wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing

OP I wouldn't worry she sounds content, she has a good varied diet topped off with mums gold top milk! If you are really concerned then consider cutting down feeds slightly. Maybe shes not a big eater? My nieces and nephews were not on breast milk or formula and ate this amount of food at age 3 or 4 and we all used to pull our hair out stressing whether they ate enough when they were infact perfectly healthy just not big eaters.

Tbh this is very difficult for us to offer opinions on because we don't have any information about your DDs position and/or progress along height and weight percentile graphs; whether she has remained at consistently the same level since before she was weaned; whether you and her father are smaller or larger than average etc.

On the face of it you seem to be setting up very good eating habits and exposing her to a wide variety of nutritious food but 2 things occurred to me. The first was that you considered 5 teaspoons of breakfast to be more than her usual quantity (that does not seem like a lot to me) and second that she wakes twice in the night. At 17 months neither of mine woke that frequently unless they were ill or hungry....(but it was a while ago so maybe I've forgotten .

Could she be having so much breast milk it fills her up? I would cut back breastfeeding if 17 months and she will probably want a bit more food. Either way she is not being starved as you offer her food. Keep an eye on percentiles and be glad she is not demanding crap.

All children are different, I think extended BFing is great, but as a PP said, if she is still having a few milk feeds maybe to reduce so she eats more solids? My DS is younger and eats significantly more at each meal, but he is a healthy weight, and if DD is also following a good line for her then I wouldn't worry.

Restricting BF in order to encourage a toddler to eat is usually counterproductive. BF is full of vitamins, antibodies and protein and it's natural for babies to self regulate their intake. Obviously they do need other food at this age too, but she is getting other food.

Offering a range of "real" food (ie keeping junk food for snacks/treats rather than part of everyday meals) and following her lead on how much she eats is exactly how it should be going at this age.

Am I starving her? I've never given her a whole packet of crisps. Or a whole ice cream. Or a whole slice of cake or a whole sandwich
You should buy a book on nutrition for children. Annabel Karmel does a good one or ask your HV for leaflets. A child not eating junk is normal not a reason to worry about possible starvation.

Am I alone in thinking that steak and cauliflower cheese sounds a tad unappetising?

Steak and salad, steak and green beans, steak with butter fried mushrooms and grilled tomatoes. All fine. But cauliflower cheese? Doesn't the steak juice leech into the sauce and make it go grungie?

Also not a fan of " offering " food, or nibbling either. You serve food, and it is eaten. Unless you are hand feeding a squirrel in the park.

No but you know you're not. This post is just to be judgy about people giving ice creams etc. compared to your wholesome sugar snap peas. Social media doesn't convey the full picture of most people's lives.

Ha! That's what I got from the post, too.

All kids are different. My son eats very little - he is not that bothered about food (he's now 6) and we have to encourage him to eat. My daughter has no sense of when she's full, and we have to gently discourage her from eating. There's no point in comparing children! If the food is available, but she doesn't want it, then she is probably fine.

Is it relevant that cheddar was mature?
You haven't said where she is on the percentile charts. That would help.

Am I alone in thinking that steak and cauliflower cheese sounds a tad unappetising?

Yes. Yes, you are alone in that. I want steak and cauliflower cheese.

If you're worried about people sharing pictures of their toddlers with whole ice creams - it doesn't actually show them eating them all and how much they've eaten. Maybe they have a little bit and the parents eat the rest?

Sounds like she has a really healthy diet, you are doing a briiant job, all these parents giving their children whole ice creams, and full slices of cake, or a full packets of crios are just shitty parents that don't care about their children to be perfectly honest. We'll done you for never giving into any of that.

There is that what you were looking for OP?

Are you actually giving her her own portion on her own plate?

Perhaps it's how you've worded it, but it seems like you portion of some of your food. She should get used to sitting down with her own portion, own plate etc- toddler size appropriate but she is in her own right a person being fed and this is no longer a few bits of pasta on a tray weaning.

Total stealth boast

And daft one at that. Not to include whether or not she’s actually underweight!

Too many sugar snap peas, they are very carby