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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is tickling cheating?

73 replies

Nips01 · 21/01/2020 11:29

Hi

This is not a TAAT, but inspired by one I started

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/3796316-AIBU-weird-game-at-Hen-Party

In a nutshell: I was at a hen party where the girls played a version of Twister where they were tickled in various spots by a semi naked (and gorgeous!) butler in the buff.

So the latest update is that photos have ended up on Facebook and as a result one of the girls bfs has accused her of cheating because she let this guy tickle her. She admitted it was fun but her defence is it was just a game, there were plenty of other people around etc. The guy did ask everyones consent etc and people seemed happy to play. The hens were mostly in PJs and the guy in just boxers. This particular hen can't remember where she was tickled but the spots on the game included feet, bum, sides, knees etc.

Bf is basically saying that being willingly tickled by another man, even as part of a game, is cheating and considers it a violation of their relationship.

I'm not taking sides as I'm friends with both of the couple, but would be interested to know what people think. Is tickling / being tickled by a close friend any different to a stranger? Does wearing PJs etc make it any difference? The fact it was "public" and not just two people in a room together make it any better? I have certainly got into tickle fights and stuff with guys when I was younger and always considered it flirting, at the very least.

Thoughts please ladies!

OP posts:
AgnesNaismith · 21/01/2020 11:34

It’s a bit gross, but not cheating. However if gross is enough to end the relationship then that’s an individual choice.

Urkiddingright · 21/01/2020 11:35

Not cheating but it does overstep a mark. Everyone sets their personal bar at different levels, I would be mortified if DH was touched up by a naked stripper personally as would he if the roles were reversed.

Original poster
Nips01 · 21/01/2020 11:37

I also think theres something more "intimate" about tickling someone around, for instance, the waist, than on the feet for example?

OP posts:
Original poster
Nips01 · 21/01/2020 11:37

And if it was a close male / female friend as opposed to a random person in a club?

OP posts:
Changeembrace · 21/01/2020 11:38

* I'm not taking sides as I'm friends with both of the couple,*

The entire group of people involved sound about 13 years old!

Pardonwhat · 21/01/2020 11:39

If my partner was tickled by a semi naked stripper I’d hit the fucking roof.
Maybe not ‘cheating’ per se but certainly inappropriate.

ShirleyPhallus · 21/01/2020 11:40

It’s not cheating but it’s fucking tacky, especially putting it on Facebook

Does anyone actually use that anymore?!

Drabarni · 21/01/2020 11:41

Hopefully she'll dump him if he's so stupid and controlling.
No harm in a bit of fun.

AntiSocialInjusticePacifist · 21/01/2020 11:41

It's neither, what's on/not on in any individual relationship is entirely bespoke and particular to THAT relationship. If he's made clear what his preferences were in a committed monogamous relationship and she accepted that and did it anyway then yeah could be seen as cheating. If however he's making his preferences known after the fact, and is seeking to make her feel shitty about it now, he's the one at fault, and actually smacks of control issues and emotional manipulation.

AngelicInnocent · 21/01/2020 11:41

I'm not sure on what the voting is to indicate but I would consider it inappropriate behaviour at best and if the relationship was already in trouble, it would stop me wanting to work it out.

lyingwanker · 21/01/2020 11:44

I'd probably feel a bit uncomfortable about it but it's definitely not cheating. If it was 1 on 1 then maybe that would cross the line for me but a daft group game? No.

Damntheman · 21/01/2020 11:46

It's not cheating. It's weird AF but it's not cheating.

DriveMeCrazy1974 · 21/01/2020 11:48

I guess the real question is whether the woman in question would be happy if her partner were messing about with another woman who was in her underwear and was then photographed online doing so? I know I wouldn't be and I would expect my husband would be pretty pissed off too...
It's not cheating, but it's not very grown up behaviour either, is it?

MaidenMotherCrone · 21/01/2020 11:55

Tickled with a penis then yes that's cheating.

Otherwise no, silly, tacky and poorly judged but not cheating.

Thestrangestthing · 21/01/2020 12:01

Well I don't think I would be comfortable with a woman in her underwear tickling my partner, but in the context of where it happened I don't think I would end the relationship, although I may consider ending the relationship if my dp went on a stag do where they all sat around in their pj's and had a woman in her underwear come round to preform for their entertainment (but that's another subject, for another thread)

TheGirlWithAPrince · 21/01/2020 12:10

i wouldnt have an issue with it if it was a game and other people were getting tickled too :S hes a stripper and it was at a hen party, i wouldnt want to know the details but i would be alright with it

thesunwillout · 21/01/2020 12:11

Op are you talking about yourself/your partner's reaction, as you had problems with the twister activity in your first thread.

ChristmasSweet · 21/01/2020 12:14

It's really weird, but not cheating when it's a stripper really. If it was a random man half naked tickling her, that would be a bit different, it's not his 'job'. But they do sound immature.

WTAFFF · 21/01/2020 12:16

No, I don’t think it’s cheating but it isn’t respectful behaviour in a relationship imo.

I would feel very uncomfortable if my DP was tickled by a half naked woman whilst wearing his boxer shorts.

Original poster
Nips01 · 21/01/2020 12:17

I didnt actually join in the game as I felt uncomfortable and I'm single (now kind of regretting the chance to get tickled by a hot bloke though!) but this is the bf of one of the other girls who has such a problem with it. Reactions from everyone else's bfs / husbands seem to range from "a bit miffed" to "where can I sign up?!"

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 21/01/2020 12:23

Juvenile and a bit weird but not cheating. It was a dumb game in full view of a load of other people in a context where the whole point is that should be a bit riske. I’d say exactly the same if it were a group of men on a stag do.

If her boyfriend considers it a “violation” then I’d grant he’s also the type who gets jealous if she so much as smiles at another man in public and she’s probably well shot of him.

Ellisandra · 21/01/2020 12:26

It’s grim.
But if he’s calling it cheating, she should just dump him - he’s a controlling arsehole.
Fair enough for him to say, “I want to date someone on my wavelength, someone who finds that too grim to participate in - so I don’t think you’re the one for me”. But to call it cheating? Ridiculous.

DeeCeeCherry · 21/01/2020 12:29

I wouldn't care, it's a bit of fun on a hen night. I'm not bothered to pearl-clutch about stuff like that. However putting up on FB is going too far. Just, plain stupid. Not saying it's a big secret but people can get angsty about publicity and loads of people seeing

thepeopleversuswork · 21/01/2020 12:29

For me proper cheating has to have a degree of emotional intimacy. I would struggle with that much more than a random cop-off or hen/stag night high jinx.

This sounds tacky as fuck and would make me feel a bit yuck but not what I'd describe as cheating. They both sounds like twats.

MeetmeinParis · 21/01/2020 12:30

Not cheating imo but I can fully understand why her partner is upset, as PP have said, switch sides and an underwear clad woman is tickling her partner whilst he rolls around in his pj's. It all sounds v immature to me. As I commented on your original post, I'd have been very uncomfortable with this "game" and wouldn't have joined in either.

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