Life admin

[beachbelleorbeachbum]

Do you share this with your OH? I didn't work until our DC started school so I did all of the life admin (insurances,
finances, bills, suplliers, filing, kid related stuff etc etc). Then when the youngest started school, I retrained. I now work 35 hour weeks (3 days), have multiple children (2 schools) and apart from the 'banking app', I do everything else. I did ask DH to sort car insurance once-gave him all the details and just asked him to put the info into a price comparison website. He got it all wrong, changed the policy holder and nearly lost NCD. I have to constantly check/remind him to do things and he gets grumpy when I seemingly nag. He also then leaves jobs to the last minute and then gets stressed and expects me to have all the answers/criticises my filing system even though he's never filed anything in his life. He works as a professional with a lot of responsibility. But so do I. AIBU to hand over responsibility for 'house' or 'cars' or 'kids'? I actually feel like my mind is at full capacity but I feel like if I do, I'll still need to check that he's done everything properly and on time.

How does it work for you?

You have a full time job too, it is not fair you have to do all that. If he can't reliably do certain jobs then he needs to do extra of ones he can do - maybe more dishes and laundry? Some of that behaviour must be strategic incompetence, surely.

When my husband was alive he did the car insurance and bill paying and balanced the accounts and kept great files. But I did the practical - getting the cars MOT'd and serviced, dealing with tradesmen, getting kids to dentist whatever.
Now I'm a widow I do it all, as i did before i met him. I don't enjoy it but I do it.

I do it all.

Just because others do it all doesn’t mean you should! Your husband is a grown man who can contribute in some way- heaven forbid you weren’t there to do it all for him and he had to organise his own life!

We share but I think I do more than DH.
It's a good idea to have separate categories. That's what we do. For instance my DH has house insurance and I don't get involved at all with it. You have to trust him though.

I do all household paperwork, most shopping and planning/organising of activities/school/clubs/holidays/presents, etc. I also clean the bathrooms, dust (not as often as I should) and run vacuum round downstairs.
DH does bins, all washing up/loading dishwasher, cleans kitchen (not as often as should), anything car mechanical related - MOT, service, tyres. All DIY and decorating of which we have plenty. He fixes everything. He's also in charge of technology - sets up screen time limits for DC.
We've not had a conversation as such, it's just evolved like this. We each do what we're better at and paperwork isn't DH's thing.

So he’s in control of the money (banking app) but leaves all the tedious but necessary stuff to you? Fuck that for a game of soldiers!

I do it all in our house, but that is because I work ten hours and he works 40. School age kids. Ours amounts to at least an hour a day because of all the activities the kids do.

In your situation, I would recognise it's a household chore like all the others, ie the housework. Total up all the hours required, divvy it up fairly, playing to your strengths.

Nope, my husband deals with virtually all of it - tax returns, paying school fees, ISAs, back accounts etc. He works in finance so he understands how it all works far better than I do.

I didn't get married until I was 40, and managed my own finances from the age of 18 until then, but since I've been with my dh I'm not sure I could even tell you how much I earn!

Tend to both look after our own cars (in terms of servicing insurance etc just find it easier), DH sorts all the bills and does cooking and I cover most cleaning and booking holidays/ social calendar. Often feel I have to remind DH to do something which annoys me but it always gets done so can't complain.

Surely you pay bills via direct debit? Takes approx 2 mins to set up. Filing ' (what little there is ) gets bunged in labelled clear pockets house folder. I do the life admin because I like to be organised & know its done. The odd time I've left them to it they've forgotten or cocked it up, prob on purpose ( clever men, doing v clever jobs). But then DIY, garden or car is their remit if that's the case. I can do that stuff, but if I'm doing the 'boring' admin they can do the stuff I find boring. I did once temp at some startup where they expected me to construct my new desk. Nope. If i do your admin, I do not do flatpak DIY .

DH got trained up when I returned to work full time, if I got killed in a car crash I knew he could run the house and look after the DC.

He's never down car/house insurance as he doesn't drive. Can't think of anything else he's never done

I do it all. DH is useless. He's too forgetful, disorganised, crap with any sorts of forms, particularly online ones. And if he finds something really boring, which he does with life admin, he can't focus and will become easily distracted and fuck it up.

I'm naturally much better at it, very organised, just like to get things done even if dull. So in our house I just do it.

But, he's better at other things than me. He's the cook in our house. I hate cooking, and I'm crap at it. I very rarely cook, so we have balance

What even is this "Life Admin" I keep seeing on here? This exhausting, time consuming thing that causes so much anguish?

Am I adulting wrong?

@MilkTwoSugarsThanks
Before kids, and before my kids were about 5yo, life admin wasn't much; direct debits for bills, annual car sort out, not much really, no anguish.
But people include sorting out their kids activities under life admin. So, the amount you have to do will be directly proportional to how many activities they do.

I’m SAHM, DD has additional needs. DH works full time. I’m in charge of all admin connected with medical appointments, school issues, social life. DH does everything car related, garden related and most banking. Household paperwork is shared. Cleaning is shared. I do most cooking and planning for cooking, shopping is shared. I should say that e.g I love cooking and don’t like gardening, DH won’t trust any one with car, I don’t trust anyone with laundry so all these influence the divide but we could replace each other any time and often do.

I am single, no DC. I hate life admin. My house is very clean and tidy and I remember birthdays, etc., and manage to do fun things like book planes, trains, and hotels, and keep on top of the calendar.

But "adulting" like bank, pension, will, etc. is a like a metaphorical sinkhole in my life.

I know if someone presented me with a plate of food or took the bins out or maybe contributed some money I'd happily swap a bit of 'life admin' for that. Alas that appears not to be so.

However OP - I've come across too many people that 'declare' themselves unable to do any 'admin' and I think they're taking the piss. I'd love to declare myself unable to take the bins out, wash dishes, work, etc, ad infinitum and do 'admin' but unfortunately none of these things would get done if I didn't do it.

I wasn't born 'administrating' just as I wasn't born 'taking the bins out' - so, you need to get 'life admin' included in the necessary task list and barter a good swap for your efforts - diy. foot massage, chocolate cake, cunninglingus, etc. Up to you OP.

I am @Cynthie 's DH!

Well, I am not actually her DH, but I am a DH who fits her first paragraph, and is more than willing and capable at doing all the finance, insurance, utility bills, car tax, tax returns (DW's and my own) etc

But people include sorting out their kids activities under life admin.

Ah. I class that as parenting.

We share things, but DH usually actually does the work. We discuss what needs to be done, he makes the calls as he’s on the phone or writing emails most of the day, and then reports back with the result. I don’t expect him to confirm what he’s done, it’s just part of the conversation.

As a pp suggested, tell your DH that something like the ironing needs doing, maybe school uniform for the next morning, while you get the car insurance sorted.

So you have 4 days off a week, two of which will be child free due to them being at school? So roughly 11-12 hours a week to yourself? Do it then 🙂

We don't do life admin.

Council tax - set it up 18 years ago when I moved in. Runs annually on DD

Virgin Media - installed when they were telewest many years ago, also runs in DD and needs no input.

Car insurance, search for quote, pay. Done.

Car maintenance, whoever is taking the car will boom it in because it has to be arranged to suit them.

Car tax - auto renews and comes out monthly DD

House insurance - happy with price so haven't changed from direct line for years. Auto pay set up annually from debit card.

Energy bills - been in place many years. Sometimes run a comparison. Occasionally change - not a task that's regular or timely

Life insurance - we each bought our own and it comes out DD

Really once these things are set up you don't need to do much to keep them in place.

What even is this "Life Admin" I keep seeing on here? This exhausting, time consuming thing that causes so much anguish?

Well according to a very entertaining thread from some months ago it includes things like researching the internet when contemplating new purchases and scanning all the family photos on to the pc. 😂
I know. Me neither. 🙄