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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Life admin

109 replies

beachbelleorbeachbum · 20/01/2020 22:50

Do you share this with your OH? I didn't work until our DC started school so I did all of the life admin (insurances,
finances, bills, suplliers, filing, kid related stuff etc etc). Then when the youngest started school, I retrained. I now work 35 hour weeks (3 days), have multiple children (2 schools) and apart from the 'banking app', I do everything else. I did ask DH to sort car insurance once-gave him all the details and just asked him to put the info into a price comparison website. He got it all wrong, changed the policy holder and nearly lost NCD. I have to constantly check/remind him to do things and he gets grumpy when I seemingly nag. He also then leaves jobs to the last minute and then gets stressed and expects me to have all the answers/criticises my filing system even though he's never filed anything in his life. He works as a professional with a lot of responsibility. But so do I. AIBU to hand over responsibility for 'house' or 'cars' or 'kids'? I actually feel like my mind is at full capacity but I feel like if I do, I'll still need to check that he's done everything properly and on time.

How does it work for you?

OP posts:
ColourMyDreams · 23/01/2020 00:35

All our bills are paid on direct debit.
Car insurance takes around 30 minutes once a year online. I do that.
Husband deals with M.O.Ts and vehicle tax.
So in essence, around 30 minutes per year for each.
When the kids were at school I used to deal with the forms etc, because normally I was the one they saw first to hand it to.
I just used to sign it, put it in an envelope if money was required and shove it back in their school bag. That took around 2 minutes.

Langsdestiny · 23/01/2020 00:51

For those who seem to have difficulty understanding, if one person in a partnership is always doing all the tasks, then it is going to be highly irritating, having someone say what tasks is not at all helpful.

1300cakes · 23/01/2020 02:33

It's more difficult when it comes to dc stuff but it might help to forget about doing things that are his.

Things mentioned on this thread that I would never give any head space to - insurance/service for his car, medical appointments for him, birthday cards/presents for his family, home made ready meals for his uncle (Confused), returning his library books, picking up his parcels, his tax return.

I expect the same in return. In fact I'd find it extremely weird and controlling if DH told me out of the blue "btw you're going to the dentist on Monday 10am, and I've done your tax return, you owe hrmc £5k."

Cordial11 · 23/01/2020 03:02

I don’t trust DP lol. I get an hour break at work so just filter it all in every few weeks on a break.

TheOrigRightsofwomen · 23/01/2020 08:47

@Cordial11
Does your DH hold down a job?

kjhkj · 23/01/2020 09:05

Things mentioned on this thread that I would never give any head space to - insurance/service for his car, medical appointments for him, birthday cards/presents for his family, home made ready meals for his uncle (confused), returning his library books, picking up his parcels, his tax return

You've taken that list from my post and nowhere did I say those things were for DH. Yes his elderly uncle is his great uncle not mine but we're married so he's a family member. DH can't cook. I'm worried about an elderly man who lives alone in his late 80s and has a restricted diet and dementia so I am cooking for him. Get over it.

Vulpine · 23/01/2020 09:10

We have a joint account and share all the admin

SallyWD · 23/01/2020 09:13

I work part time (17 hours per week) and do the vast majority of life admin. My DH takes care of all the financial stuff (although I'm well aware of it all) and books all our travel. We travel a lot due to family all over UK and all over world.

Cordial11 · 23/01/2020 09:19

@Cordial11 yes and works a hell of a lot harder then me Grin

cologne4711 · 23/01/2020 09:29

I don't really do life admin either. Almost all bills are on direct debit and I don't phone around every year looking for new insurance providers. If the new year's quote comes in and they're not being CFers with increases, that's fine. If they do appear to be CFers I phone them. But haven't done so in years.

If a job needs doing eg I need to get the air con sorted on one of the cars it goes on a list and at some point I will get off my bottom and do it. Also want to arrange a water softener so that goes on the list too.

Fortunately we're healthy so have few medical appointments, it's only really dentist and hygienist every so often and DH has the odd eye appointment but he sorts that out himself.

Most other admin is work-related eg doing tax return/sending invoices.

cologne4711 · 23/01/2020 09:37

On these threads I always assume posters who bleat 'but what is this admin, just set up DDs' are either 1)goady 2) clueless 3)leave it to someone else 4)do so little with their lives. Either way, they're never helpful to the op who is simply asking people who do understand what it is (and let's face it, it's not rocket science) how they split it

I'mm not being goady, I genuinely think people make a meal of what is straight-forward, and putting things on dd takes a lot of the stress away.

I do it because I work from home and I know when I will be in if eg I want someone to come around to service the boiler or clean out the gutters so it's easier for me to arrange than DH. He will sometimes arrange things like the MOT/car service as he walks past the garage and goes in to make an appointment for it, equally I walk past a lot too so I may do it. But yes it probably does fall more to me but that's fine because I am here. If we were both working full time outside the home we'd have to share more.

The point is - automate as much as you can and you'll have less to do.

BiddyPop · 23/01/2020 10:10

In our case, it's kinda split.

DH pretty much deals with anything to do with mortgage (although I see all the paperwork).

I generally deal with insurances - but it has got muddled recently as health insurance is now through DH work so he does that, I need to check what the travel insurance situation is (I think it might be through work - or else we had an annual policy and that may be due for renewal...), I do house insurance, and we each do our own car insurance (but because, through a historical thing when we dropped from 2 to 1 car, and timing of when we needed to go back to 2 cars later, each now own the car that the other drives - so I get the insurance letter for the car DH drives but he pays it, and vice versa).

I deal with the utility bills - gas, electric, bins etc. I used to also do telephone/broadband, but DH went hunting in a fit of pique when the last one got too slow, and changed to sky so he pays that - and is now hunting again as they have become rubbish. We will then also drop the payment for TV services as we only got that as part of the broadband package.

DH does also pay for Netflix, amazon prime and possibly spotify (I know DH and DD both use spotify, I just don't know if its the free or premium version).

We each sort our own cars (the ones we drive) for tax, insurance, NCT (our version of MOT) and servicing. But will sort the other also if life is too hectic and it needs to get done.

Generally, I have been the main grocery person - DH has done a good bit more in the past couple of years as we have both got much busier, but I tend to be the person who will set up online shops ahead of time etc. DH tends to be the person who goes and orders (online shopping) new school uniform, parts for fixing things, sports equipment etc. as needed. (If I get these things, I tend to be going into real shops).

Meanwhile I tend to be the person doing runs to menders and shoemakers for repairs etc (a lot tend to be near my office or sometimes I am actually repairing myself), although the dry cleaning run is a split activity depending on who will be nearest.

I mostly book medical stuff for DD and myself, DH does his own. But he is as likely to have organised a dentist visit for DD with himself as I am, and he was the one who brought her to the opticians and sorted her glasses.

Cooking is officially a shared activity. The reality is that it is me doing it. When I am away for work, I had been leaving meals that were very easy to make but DH still went to the takeaway. So unless it is in the oven on the timer, I have learned to leave things that are simple but expect them not to be used (long enough dates to use when I am back or freeze). (He's a fine cook, but just has no patience midweek - which drives DD mad as she's become quite a healthy eating person (fussy but pretty healthy) and doesn't want a load of chips....).

Anything to do with presents, cards, wrapping, planning ahead like that - definitely me.

iswhois · 23/01/2020 10:24

I do everything. DH leaves things to the last minute which makes me itch.

1300cakes · 24/01/2020 09:38

You've taken that list from my post and nowhere did I say those things were for DH.

If they weren't for your DH, why are you complaining about doing them? Of course you make your own dentist appointment, buy your own niece a bday gift, etc. Who else would possibly do it?

MrsJonesAndMe · 24/01/2020 09:51

DH does the house stuff - bills, insurances etc, both do own cars and I do all the school/extra curricular stuff.

He's mostly competent (as am I)

myusernamewastakenbyme · 24/01/2020 10:08

Im a lone parent so i do it all...I dont mind and it doesnt take much....the only thing i hate doing is car mot/servicing.

echt · 24/01/2020 10:31

When my DH was alive he did all finance, bills, holiday planning. I did all vets, doctors, dentists. He did all cooking and the big weekly shop for fresh veg. I did top-up shopping, laundry, though not ironing his shirts.

He did veggie gardening and DIY though I did flowers and helped hold the other of the sprit level.

Staying in for tradies was shared as he was high up in his organisation so could take time off, while I had teacher's CoS.

His and hers friends and rels cards and birthdays.

All money in joint accounts.

We were a good team and looked after each other. That's part of what I miss now; no-one to look after me. Sad

Copperleaves · 24/01/2020 10:34

Of course you make your own dentist appointment, buy your own niece a bday gift, etc. Who else would possibly do it?
Well, plenty of men know the answer to that question, don't they? Get a wife.

I'm very sorry for your loss echt Flowers

kjhkj · 24/01/2020 12:05

Of course you make your own dentist appointment, buy your own niece a bday gift, etc. Who else would possibly do it?

Dentist appointments were for the DC and niece is - well niece Confused. She's DH's sister's daughter but she's still my niece Confused Confused

Anyway - clearly some people are superior and have no problems with life admin tasks and mental load. Lucky old them.

1300cakes · 26/01/2020 06:32

Thats what I'm saying. The dc is different obviously but if your DH does all his own - including everything for his side of the family, your list will be reduced by half.

Sure she's still your niece, but the reverse is true too, and would your DH buy a gift for your sisters children? Would he even know when their birthdays are, or care?

Nope.

Mummyeyes · 26/01/2020 07:05

I left the bills to their direct debits one year. It was the year they stopped allowing car insurance to roll over on direct debit. 🤐

I am lucky. DH is awesome and totally shares the work. I do all the admin and he does all the gardening and fixes bikes, drills holes, builds things. We aim to share making dinner on time, washing up, laundry, bins. We both work full time but he has one job whereas I do a bit here and a bit there.

I think it is quicker for only one of us to do Admin. He doesn't have a login for Parent Pay for eg. Hmmmm. . Maybe need to put that on the list.

Yehdivvy · 26/01/2020 07:27

@echt so sorry for your loss. Your dh sounds like a good egg. Flowers

OhTheRoses · 26/01/2020 07:37

DH: pays all the bills, organises the insurance, sorts out his car, sorts out all admin relating to France.

Me: my car, did all child related admin and activities, deal with everything to do with tradesmen: decorating, building works, cleaning, all food shopping etc. When we moved house I dealt with everything - including price negotiations because I hold a firmer line when I really want something. Within agreed parameters of course.

We have separate bank accounts and both work full time although I was a sahm until youngest started school but that was an age ago.

BabyofMine · 26/01/2020 07:42

To be honest I do a lot of it especially in terms of our child. But there’s a big difference - my OH is not from the U.K. originally and English isn’t his first language. He has a good level of English but sometimes doesn’t understand the form filling stuff straight away. However it’s more like I’m doing it with him/he’s learning about things with me and I’m sure over the course of a few more years he’ll be 100% confident.
He does do all the car stuff like the car insurance tax etc because he understands it better than I do even in another language.

Waxonwaxoff0 · 26/01/2020 07:45

I'm a single parent so I do it all. I really don't find it hard work like some people seem to though, it takes 5 minutes to go online and pay a bill.

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