Life admin

[beachbelleorbeachbum]

Do you share this with your OH? I didn't work until our DC started school so I did all of the life admin (insurances,
finances, bills, suplliers, filing, kid related stuff etc etc). Then when the youngest started school, I retrained. I now work 35 hour weeks (3 days), have multiple children (2 schools) and apart from the 'banking app', I do everything else. I did ask DH to sort car insurance once-gave him all the details and just asked him to put the info into a price comparison website. He got it all wrong, changed the policy holder and nearly lost NCD. I have to constantly check/remind him to do things and he gets grumpy when I seemingly nag. He also then leaves jobs to the last minute and then gets stressed and expects me to have all the answers/criticises my filing system even though he's never filed anything in his life. He works as a professional with a lot of responsibility. But so do I. AIBU to hand over responsibility for 'house' or 'cars' or 'kids'? I actually feel like my mind is at full capacity but I feel like if I do, I'll still need to check that he's done everything properly and on time.

How does it work for you?

who does dentist,

Whoever needs the appointment. For the kids whoever is off.

optometrist,

Same as above

after school activities,

As above

physio,

Never needed this

doctor,

Whoever is off

sick days ,

As above

school projects and homework, packing school bags and school lunches etc.

Whoever is at home, but I don't really consider basic parenting life admin.

None of those things are remotely timely or challenging nor do they need to come under the title of 'life admin' 🤷🏻‍♀️

It does women no service at all to underplay it since we then tend to get lumbered with the burden

It does women no service to assume we are lumbered with anything. It does women no service to call buying train tickets 'life admin'

john I called it admin - not life admin. Although I don't have an issue with the term.

Booking the train tickets is a job I have to do which is not cooking cleaning and normal daily stuff therefore its "admin". Its on my list of the not normal things to get done this week.

He does the car, I do everything else. But I only work 3 days so I think that's fair enough - as physically demanding as it is having the toddler for my 2 days off its not mentally taxing so it leaves me brain space to sort everything else.

called it admin - not life admin. Although I don't have an issue with the term.

You posted a list of shit you do on a thread entitled 'life admin' - it's not really that weird for me to assume that what you were talking about.

It is best to try to do it fairly. Eg my husband took the children to the dentist for 17 years. I didn't think about dentists - it was his job. Wehen we had 3 under 4 all in nappies at night - cloth nappies in those days - he did all that. I di not sure I knew how to work the washing machine at that stage (we both worked full time even with tiny babies so had no patterns of inequality set in during a maternity leave).

He found and hired with my input the childcare. I did both our tax returns however as I was better at that. he had run his own house for a few years before we married so I suppose we were both just competent at life stuff. That is not the case for a lot of couples.

May be pass him some jobs he 100% will be able to do and take over 100% and you then never have to think of them - find something very time consuming and start with that one rather than loads of small ones he might forget.

As I ended up earning 10x what he did that tended to help ensure equality at home.

@kjhkj most of those things you listed aren't admin.

We split these jobs but my husband moved in with me and my DS so he had to learn this stuff but he did.

He does things differently to me but he gets them done.

He's an adult. Let him get on with it.

@kjhkj most of those things you listed aren't admin.

I'm not sure what you mean. From my perspective they're tasks that need to be done this week that are not the norm. I actually don't call it admin - I call it "The List". Next week I'll have a different list.

Call it a to do list/admin/life admin/parenting/adulting whatever. Its an example of the sorts of stuff people have to get done on top of cooking cleaning, shopping, looking after children, ferrying kids about, supervising homework, laundry etc and which can fall on the shoulders of one person disproportionately in some relationships.

The book "Fair Play" by Eve Rodsky is amazing on this; my husband read it cover to cover one night and it completely changed his perspective on the equal sharing of household tasks like admin, kids' activities, etc. We're still in the process of rebalancing everything, but it's looking promising right now. I really recommend it!

I have one friend who doesn't struggle with this sort of stuff at all. She has a daily housekeeper, a weekday cook (and then they eat out at weekends) , a gardener and a husband who likes to be out of the house and so jumps at the chance to collect stuff, take DC out etc. Her life is pretty serene.

Although we had a housekeeper/clearner here 9 - 12 Monday to Friday when we had 5 children at home and both worked full time and full time nanny for the children at our house (daily nanny) and although it enabled us to work and was easier than the days when we worked full time and did our own cleaning there is a lot of admin involved in hiring and managing people. I did a weekly pay slip. I had to deal with the nanny's maternity leav and cover and SMP, hours and hours of it. We were also lucky enough to have 2 separate HMRC queries into nanny SMP - both times 10 years apart every penny was properly paid but it took hours and hours. So having staff does not always make things easier.

We didn't cook either in the week as the nanny cooked dinner for the 5 children who ate around 6 so it was fairly easy but even os loads of admin arising from having those people working for you.
No easy answers except I can tell everyone that now being in my 50s with children away at university life is a walk in the park even though I work full time from home. So just hang on in there. Having small children is very hard work whether you work or don't but it gets a lot easier.

I did it all. Was easier. It's no less work if you've got to check or get asked for details anyways.
He did other stuff tho, like cook.
I do think the mental headspace is value. He was carefree!

He's now exH, due to other reasons, and it's not anymore work than before.
I no longer have the false hope of a helping hand, which is weirdly quite liberating as I know where i stand.
I don't really enjoy cooking. But my eldest is old enough to do some chores (hoover, empty dishwasher, hang wet laundry, fold dry laundry). So I've not missed exH contributions. Although it'd be nice to have help to share the load of younger kids care and school run.

The CF exH asked me to help him find a car recently. I didnt even reply.
He just gets friends to do his work load. He's completely reliant on others. He wants to reconcile our seperation and come back, absolutely no way. Altho not the reason we split, One of the reasons I'd never take him back, is that I dont want to start doing his life admin again (being in a relationship with him and sharing the load of kids care, isnt worth the headspace of administratimg his life)

I do think the mental headspace is value.

This exactly. Headspace is everything.

I do it all. The joys of being a single parent .
This is also why sometimes things get forgotten .

My now ex used to make meal of all the paperwork/bills.
I do it all one day in May.All comparison sites checked and changed/challenged.Car,house,utilities.tDds reset.Car service and not booked.
All old paper work put in a pile to dispose of.
Monthly I check the meters and input online(2 mins),
I have a bank app so I can check that often
Dentist appointments are only 6monthly so all due same day and appointments are set.
Today I must get around to doing DDS first adult passport but I have a day off and nothing else to do until I cook tea..
We have a new ce old fashioned wall calender that my work shifts and anything else goes on there.Mostly nice things.

I do it all.
Dh works full time, I'm a SAHM to school age dc (one child has sever learning difficulties and autism).

I do most of it but that's my own fault as I'm a control freak

@femunculus thanks, I've looked it up on amazon. Some of the quotes are spot on. It's bonkers that we still, in the is day and age, seem to take in the lion's share of responsibility, heh?

On these threads I always assume posters who bleat 'but what is this admin, just set up DDs' are either 1)goady 2) clueless 3)leave it to someone else 4)do so little with their lives. Either way, they're never helpful to the op who is simply asking people who do understand what it is (and let's face it, it's not rocket science) how they split it.

DH manages household finances, insurance renewals and direct debits. We go through them together every so often to see if we are spending on things we shouldn't/needn't be. Day before payday he lets me know how much money is 'spare' after all our bills so on payday we can transfer money to various accounts (mine, his, and housekeeping) We share the housework although I think hubby does slightly more than me as I do most of the cooking during the week
I do the day to day admin of making appointments and sorting out activities (cub camps and the like). I have school friendly hours at the moment so I have the most contact with the teacher for any issues etc.

OH does any thing house related (mortgage, insurance, utilities) as he is the homeowner.

He also deals with all the admin for his own car.
I deal with all the admin for my own car.

I do more child admin- but It's easier to do this as he works abroad a lot- plus this balances out the fact he does the house stuff.

We share plans for house decoration, holidays etc.

I'd say we were pretty well balanced.

I'm a chartered accountant but he still manages his tax return on his own.

On these threads I always assume posters who bleat 'but what is this admin, just set up DDs' are either 1)goady 2) clueless 3)leave it to someone else 4)do so little with their lives. Either way, they're never helpful to the op who is simply asking people who do understand what it is (and let's face it, it's not rocket science) how they split it.

Or perhaps we just get on and do it because we have no choice as we don’t have the luxury of anyone to split it with? Ok, so I don’t have to do any ‘admin’ for children but I still have the bank, bills, insurances, car and house maintenance, utilities, council tax, food ordering, gift buying, holiday bookings etc. etc. etc.

Threads like this make me so thankful that me and dh share tasks and communicate.
I’m in hospital after being diagnosed with cancer. Dh has cracked on with things that need doing. Permission form for dd’s trip at school done, reading log done, food shopping done, he went out on his lunch break and got my sil a birthday present and a card today. No reminders because he’s a an adult and it is both our responsibility.

On these threads I always assume posters who bleat 'but what is this admin, just set up DDs' are either 1)goady 2) clueless 3)leave it to someone else 4)do so little with their lives.

Stop assuming. I fall in to none of those categories: I just crack in with life and don't need to give every single thing I do a daft ass label to make it sound like it's a big deal. It's not

Either way, they're never helpful to the op who is simply asking people who do understand what it is (and let's face it, it's not rocket science) how they split it.

Actually I think it could be helpful to some to realise that most people don't make a meal out of it.