Life admin

[beachbelleorbeachbum]

Do you share this with your OH? I didn't work until our DC started school so I did all of the life admin (insurances,
finances, bills, suplliers, filing, kid related stuff etc etc). Then when the youngest started school, I retrained. I now work 35 hour weeks (3 days), have multiple children (2 schools) and apart from the 'banking app', I do everything else. I did ask DH to sort car insurance once-gave him all the details and just asked him to put the info into a price comparison website. He got it all wrong, changed the policy holder and nearly lost NCD. I have to constantly check/remind him to do things and he gets grumpy when I seemingly nag. He also then leaves jobs to the last minute and then gets stressed and expects me to have all the answers/criticises my filing system even though he's never filed anything in his life. He works as a professional with a lot of responsibility. But so do I. AIBU to hand over responsibility for 'house' or 'cars' or 'kids'? I actually feel like my mind is at full capacity but I feel like if I do, I'll still need to check that he's done everything properly and on time.

How does it work for you?

DH does all our finance stuff : mortgage, taxes, insurance, bills, etc.

Other stuff I.. E kids activitie, passports, birthday parties etc I'd do. I do medical stuff for the kids too.

Holidays are split - if it's my family, I'd do it, his, he'd do it.

House insurance - happy with price so haven't changed from direct line for years. Auto pay set up annually from debit card

Careful with this one, people sleepwalk into massive premiums this way. Also need to ensure that policy is suitable for your needs, or else you can find out you aren't covered if you do claim.

Virgin Media - installed when they were telewest many years ago, also runs in DD and needs no input

Again, if you pay the standard out of contract price, you're probably paying a lot more than you need to.

Car tax - auto renews and comes out monthly DD Costs more to pay this way.

I know that some people have a lot more money than time, but many people don't have that luxury so an important part of life admin and the difference between doing it well and doing it badly is shopping around and getting the best price. See also keeping an eye on bank and credit card accounts to avoid interest and late payment fees, tax returns if relevant, getting the best price when buying things, using discount codes, etc.

You can literally waste thousands of pounds a year if you don't put the effort in, which can be the difference between being financially comfortable and struggling with debt or simply not having enough money for the family's needs and/or wants.

DH works from home so he does most of it.

Careful with this one, people sleepwalk into massive premiums this way. Also need to ensure that policy is suitable for your needs, or else you can find out you aren't covered if you do claim.

Like I said. I'm happy with it.

Again, if you pay the standard out of contract price, you're probably paying a lot more than you need to.

Also happy with it.

Costs more to pay this way.

Yes, about £7. I have no problem with that. I pay my insurance annually so I make a bigger saving there.

Thinking about it we're pretty evenly split on it - he does all the tradesman stuff, mortgage changes, booking cars into garages. I do all the utilities, insurance etc.

@YappityYapYap no, not 'off' as we have also renovated a house so I'm normally decorating or shopping, washing (he might put a wash on or fold a load when I take it out of the drier, but won't know what needs doing/what is where/see a load from start to finish etc) or other tedious roles. I also cook 95% of the time. We have a rota for household jobs (kids included), he does the bins but generally I get the kids to take the recycling out as it's always overflowing.

My brain is just too full of thinking for 6 people and a pressured, stressful job. I don't know what to do for tea every night (3 meals due to dietary requirements), when everything is due, where to find everything, what's next on the to do list. I'm not the oracle.

And we I said he has the banking app, it's because I get locked out all the time. He was supposed to be on top of checking it, but I have to ask him to do that, too.

This doesn't paint a very good picture of him, which is unfair as he's a good man and a we're good partnership but yes, there's definitely an element of learned helplessness or laziness. And I'm just so exhausted by the level of thinking I have to do.

You can literally waste thousands of pounds a year if you don't put the effort in, which can be the difference between being financially comfortable and struggling with debt or simply not having enough money for the family's needs and/or wants.

I missed this out of my reply earlier as I was half asleep but i don't waste thousands of pounds a year on anything. I'm not saying I don't put any effort In but Direct line have given me competitive quotes continuously for years for both my car and my home insurance so I stick with them. I do this because I am happy with the offer they send me, not because I am too lazy to change.

I do household bills utilities etc. because they all come out of my account (he pays his half but I'm the breadwinner)

He does 'tech stuff' broadband, TV, phone

Everything is direct debit so the only real admin is checking the renewal once a year...I don't think it's a big deal. (Then again no kids)

@JohnVirgo I'm switching to direct line because my renewal quotes are always ridiculous!

we work similar hours, I do nearly all the admin but he does a bit more of the cleaning so it works perfectly for us.

This doesn’t get rid of you needing to think about it, but it’s gets rid of the need to be worrying about someone else doing it anyway & checking up on them.
My DH was exactly the same as yours, last year we came to an agreement.
I would do all life admin (something he wasn’t reliable for & I still had to think about it anyway) if he did bedtime (something I find stressful) & got up with DS when he woke up.
Works for us.
I just thought if I’m going to be doing it anyway what can I swap?
Maybe you can swap for him cooking dinner on a Saturday or doing bedtime?

I do it all; I enjoy it, and I like knowing what's what. DH doesn't even have a bank account, (I set up a joint one) he's computer illiterate and would very much struggle with getting insurance quotes/paying bills online.

I'm a stay at home parent , I do it all mostly I have recently sent husband to a hospital appointment with our son because the other kids needed taking care of , but all phone calls school stuff doctor dentist is down to me I don't mind it because it means I know what's done . It's more a case of his work is so busy and stressful and I don't want to add to it

Currently single so I do everything but previously exP did all the general household bills and we did our own car related stuff and I did all the child related things.

I don't find the paperwork side of things too onerous, checking comparisons sites annually doesn't take long, all regular bills are on DD. When you have a busy job and life you just get on with it

DH does the vast majority, we married at 30 and both had our own homes, pensions, Will etc set up so I know I am perfectly capable of doing my own 'admin'. I particularly hate booking holidays, but DH is good at that and seems to even enjoy researching holidays etc.

I'm on maternity leave at the moment and only work part time when back at work. I tend to do most of it but every so often I just recite a list to my husband of everything that's running through my head that needs doing and we work through it together.

We share, he does anything that requires phone calls or human communication (I've got a bit of social anxiety), I do everything that is done online or research. Works well for us.

Sounds like he's out of practice. Perhaps delegate some of the life admin roles to him indefinitely.

It's shared.
Discussion and actions depend on availability. Often DH is travelling so can't do some stuff when it needs to be done. Sometimes we don't want to do it so the other picks it up.

But we both know what's been done, why, how to access it, etc.

Both work FT.

I tend to do kid related stuff like keeep track of parties, buy presents, school dates, clubs and he does more house related stuff like car insurance, energy supplier, sky etc.

He deals with his family and I deal with mine - birthday cards / presents / meet ups etc.

I do the cooking and the food shopping and he does all the cleaning.

I did it all bar household insurance when I was married. I'm divorced now so do it all as well as the household insurance.

Lots to do, but done on my terms and w/o resentment.

OP, it sounds as though you have a bit too much on your plate and you have a DH who doesn't like the jobs you would like him to do ('life admin') and manages to avoid them by being grumpy/incompetent. You need to sit him down and tell him how you are feeling and ask for some help in areas that he does feel able to cope with. If he is feeling the same way (head full from work etc) then between the two of you, something will have to give. That might mean getting some external help to free up some of your time, or one of you dropping some hours at work, or heaven forbid, the kids giving up some of their activities (maybe time to take a long hard look at the family timetable - are there any things that you are doing just because, rather than really enjoying?).

@JohnVirgo who does dentist, optometrist, after school activities, physio, doctor, sick days , school projects and homework, packing school bags and school lunches etc.
There are some things that can’t be DD

I do a tiny bit more than DH. What changed our lives for real was the shared calendar. I handle it and put in it all common activities, all that has to be paid, who does, when the cleaner comes, etc

Why do people insist on denying the fact of admin? It does women no service at all to underplay it since we then tend to get lumbered with the burden.

This week under "admin" (call it "parenting/adulting" if you wish [hmm) I have to:

renew the car insurance which will include finding new more competitive insurance since the renewal quote is ridiculous
book other car in for MOT
make dentist appointment for DC2
make doctors appointment for me
be at home two days to supervise builders and electrician access
return a parcel
collect two parcels (annoyingly from different places)
return library books
Purchase and collect new sink
Buy and send birthday card and present for DNeice
buy and collect birthday present for DH
Pay window cleaner
Take two bags of stuff to the charity shop
Order online groceries
Collect chicken feed and bedding.
Book train tickets for next week
Chase the council to see why they didn't collect the bins this week.
Buy new shoes for DC2
Make a few "ready meals" for DH's great uncle who is elderly and struggling and get these to him (he's about 10 miles away so not too far but its still another thing to do.
Contact council about support for great uncle.
Take DPuppy to the vets.

On top of that I work a 45 hour week and spend all my spare time ferrying DC to and from their various commitments. As a result lots gets done online since otherwise there simply are not enough hours in the day and I'm menopausal and exhausted anyway.

Its nothing special but it really mounts up if you're doing it on your own. I don't envy those without a partner to pick up some of the load.

To answer the OP - I give DH specific tasks. He does lots of the ferrying around, he does all the DIY type stuff, he'll collect things if I specifically say " x has arrived can you go to Y today on the way home and collect it" etc. But I find if I don't retain overall control it can fall apart pretty quickly.

It does mean he won't always do things in exactly the same way that I would have done them but in order to get by without driving yourself mad you need to relinquish control a little and lower your standards!