Friends with benefits will never work?

[garlicnchilli]

Two people get on well
Fancy each other,laugh and get on great.
One person has said they don't want a relationship and it will never go any further.
The other says ok that's fine but secretly hopes they will change their mind.
They sleep together,chat daily.
The other person sleeps with lots of people but the one with feelings doesn't even speak to anyone else.
This is a recipe for heartbreak isn't it?

Yes.

Totally

Without a doubt

Don't even see the point in it.

It's the "says it's fine but hopes they will change their mind" that's the issue.
If both parties are genuinely happy with a FWB arrangement and dont want it to go further then it can work.

You want very different things, and bargaining that the FWB arrangement may lead to something deeper is likely to be hurtful longer term as there’s no guarantee the other person will change their mind. FWBs can work fine as long as you are both in it for the same reasons.

The only friends with benefits I want is a bloke who comes over to do DIY and the washing up. At least he'd be useful then.

Yep. Been there. Done that. It all ends in tears.

I was expecting a thread about a friend on benefits who refuses to work!

But yes it’ll lead to heartbreak unfortunately, and ain’t nobody got time for that

In that case, yes. I've had several FWB, it worked well because I did not fancy anything but sex with them, they weren't even friends, just fuck buddies. NO 'hoping for more' quite the contrary. It's someone to fulfill a want. I think about having a relationship with any fuck buddy I had, just nope. Not a chance.

Not in my case! I hung on in there, tried to convince myself I was cool with it but I wasn't. 4 years on and I finally gave him an ultimatum. Been together 14 years since very happy

No not necessarily. I've had a FWB arrangement for several years now. Its brilliant. Totally suits us both. It absolutely can work

The other says ok that's fine but secretly hopes they will change their mind

Sorry re read your OP

Going into it with that frame of mind no itll never work

The other says ok that's fine but secretly hopes they will change their mind.

they will try and get pregnant (assuming woman) and it will all end in tears.

I married my fwb. The mutual respect was never really there tbh..
Exh now...

I take that back, one was indeed a friend, still is, but just seriously? I couldn't conceive of any other relationship with him, he's still totally unreliable, didn't want the same things in life at all and still doesn't. Very fun to get drunk and stoned with, go to concerts, great at sex, but nah. I'd never go there with anyone I 'hoped would change their mind'. Another, he's unbelievably brilliant, now well-known in his field and for good reason, but he's fucking weird in a lot of ways, totally unsuited to living with anyone (he's been married and divorced twice, no kids, he had a vasectomy young as he also has a heritable mental disorder), very good in bed, though. Also still in touch with him, he's been very helpful to me at times but I could never conceive of a 'relationship' with him outside of sex.

Yes it is.

I have had very successful FWB arrangements but it can only work if both parties are on the same page with their expectations. If one person wants something more serious then it will end it tears.

Friends with benefits can work if both parties are seeking the same relationship.

The issue here isn't whether FWB works, it's whether FWB works when one person is secretly hoping for more. In that situation it just can't.

Yes done it once broke my heart never again

No and he/ she is hardly a friend if they know the other person is holding out for more and yet they continue a fb arrangement.

4 years on and I finally gave him an ultimatum. Been together 14 years since very happy

I wouldn't want to be with anyone I had to issue an ultimatum with. Especially after 4 years.

OP sometimes fwb develops into a relationship and works

But what you describe is a recipe for heart break.

FWB can work if both parties genuinely don’t want anything more. If one person is secretly hoping for a relationship it is doomed from the outset.

The other person sleeps with lots of people

Hope you're going for STI tests, OP.

It can only lead to heartache if just one of you hopes it will develop into more.....and the other one doesn't

the scenario you are describing, OP, is not friends with benefits. One of the ground rules is that both parties want the same of the relationship. It's not the case in the set up you are describing. If both are on the same sheet, it can work. Not everyone is looking for love or a secure relationship but some still want a sex life but don't like ONS.