To be fed up with getting told off every time I go to the dentist?

[ElderAve]

I'm 50 this year and I don't have any fillings. There's nothing wrong with my teeth. I eat a balanced diet hardly any sweets and no fizzy drinks (main because I've never liked them). I'm also probably just a bit lucky with my teeth.

I brush regularly but find flossing really uncomfortable so rarely do it. I see the hygienist three times a year to get rid of any build up.

Every time I go to the dentist or the hygienist, I get another lecture about brushing and flossing. I know technically it's just advice but the tone is definitely "telling off".

Really, I'm a 50yo adult who's teeth are in remarkably good condition, I can't be getting it that badly wrong. And if I do have any failings, I pay these people handsomely to deal with it!

Actually, by this stage in life, I'm not at all convinced such regular visits are necessary, but obviously no dentist is going to tell me that.

@inappropriatefemale yes I said that anxiety about going to the dentist is a normal reaction - because it is. That is a general statement. You then seemed to decide that I was talking about you in particular and responded with "No I have never been scared of going to the dentist in my life and don’t mind injections etc, etc so your wrong there" as if I had somehow said that I was talking about you as opposed to in general. I was never talking about you originally and my reply was in regards to people in general feeling anxious, I have never commented on how you feel (as I have no idea who you are or how you feel) so I have no idea why you responded saying that I was wrong and that you don't find it scary. When I didn't in fact say that it was you in particular who was anxious.

Anyway, have a good evening, I'm off to bed :)

I'll shed some light here. My DH is a brilliant and well-respected, experienced dentist. Dentist, like all hc professionals have to follow official guidelines. One of those guidelines for dentists says that he/she must discuss oral health information with each patient, regardless of the state of their oral health. They must also record this in the patient's clinical records, which then becomes a legal document. Unfortunately we live in the age of no win-no fee solicitors and complaints culture so dentists really must take every precaution to protect themselves against complaints (a complaint can easily ruin a dentist's whole career).
Let's say you go for your check up, everything is fine but the dentist doesn't give you the ohi talk about brushing and flossing. You go back later on because you have a problem, dentist says you could have prevented the problem by brushing/flossing. You decide to complain, best case scenario is that the dentist settles the dispute by paying compensation, worst case is that the GDC finds that the dentist has been negligent and he/she is struck off the register and can no longer practice.

You abu complaining about this, the dentists have families they need to support financially. If you don't like the way you are spoken to find a new dentist, you will always get the same advice though.

Re. check ups, once a year should be fine for you but be aware that dentists don't just check teeth, they also check all of your soft tissues for signs of cancer, for example. My husband has sent several urgent referrals for suspected cancer.

Omg @Mlou32 I don’t understand why you don’t understand what I meant, and I was simply answering you as I am one of the posters who said that her dentist was making her anxious too and I am trying to explain to you that I’m not anxious because of the dentist in general and neither are the other posters, we are anxious due to the way they say things to us and the amount of times they say it, you were saying that perhaps people (not me exactly but I was using myself as an example as I am the only person that I know on this thread) are anxious due to the visit in general and I’m saying no it isn’t, what’s so difficult about understanding this and I’m not being cheeky when I say this.

If anyone knows what I meant then can they please say so because imo it’s pretty obvious what I was saying in reply to your comment!

Anyway..this is getting boring now.

I’m so glad you started this thread. My last dentists were terrible. One gave me a crown that obviously did not fit and left me in pain. I changed to a new dentist whose work has been good but she’s so damn mean. She’s rough to the point it’s painful and treated an abscess with no pain relief. The last time she lectured me so badly I just sat in the waiting room and cried. I lost a crown and I really need to find a new dentist but I’ve been putting it off because I’m so scared. All I want is a dentist who is kind and friendly and does good work.

And I do get how frustrating it must be for dentists to see patients who don’t take care of their teeth but berating them and lecturing them does not work. Show some patience and compassion. Show some understanding. It’s a huge part of your job to teach patients how to take care of their teeth, not tell them off!

Getting boring because I’m tired I mean, no offence to anyone!

At least dentists are getting more work when we are all shit at looking after our teeth, I think they forget this!

I don’t think your dental hygiene is that great if I’m b

I don’t think your dental hygiene is that great if I’m being honest; I regularly see my dentist and have never had these lectures where I’m told to brush/floss more often. I use a high end electric toothbrush/floss/mouthwash twice a day.

My dentist always compliments my teeth and dental hygiene, in fact they didn’t even give me a scale and polish during one check up as I literally had no build up over the past 6 months. They tell me how well I look after my teeth if anything.

If your teeth are fine with no issues, they wouldn’t comment about there being room for improvement at all.

They’re trying to up sell their hygienist service.
Our dentist has stopped sending us reminders, we must be two of their last NHS patients so they don’t make much money from our check ups, my 16 year old has never needed treatment and my last one was 10 years ago.

I do know my teeth aren’t great. There are various reasons for that.

The first problem I had with my dentist was that she insisted I use these very soft brushes she sold. I didn’t realize that I was brushing too hard so I was brushing with the side of the bristles. She was really mad at me and told me off for not even trying to brush my teeth and being a single mum is no excuse, blah, blah. The second issue was with a crown she had specially made. I broke it eating a polo mint. She got mad again and said that I hadn’t taken proper care of it and I had not only disrespected her but also the company that made the crown. It was that time I ended up crying. She hadn’t told me not to eat hard foods or anything. I have ASD so I just struggled with her and her abrasive attitude. I’m an adult. I’m doing my best. Some encouragement would have been nicer than just being mean all the time. I get it’s frustrating for her, but it’s her job to help people not yell at them. Anyway, I would never go back to her and don’t take my kids there now, so she lost 5 patients due to her rudeness. Also, I broke the crown again, so I’m trying to build up courage to find someone new.

Orangeshark
I guess I don't fully understand why it makes someone anxious being told to floss if they are happy not flossing. It's hard because actually no one has given me a solution on this thread, other than just not do it which I can't do.

You have been given lots of information, lots of personal accounts. People have spoken about being treated rudely and scolded as if they were small children.

You have met people's posts with:
Someone told you off and it gave you a phobia so bad you didn't go for 10 years. Why?
...
I do understand that it might upset you if they were patronising or rude, but honestly I don't understand why that gives you a phobia so bad you can't go back for 10 years.

What people are talking about is the experience of being shamed.
I don't know why you can't see this, or why you can't understand why people might hesitate to go back for more.

I was agreeing with your pov until your posts of Mon 20-Jan-20 22:46:19 and Mon 20-Jan-20 23:12:37. There is a difference between being told politely and with a friendly tone that you need to floss, and being scolded and made to feel small, in a situation where you are pretty much trapped.

Encouragement and empowerment are the way forward. Not scolding.

An interesting article on whether flossing is effective at all in real life.
www.nytimes.com/2016/08/03/health/flossing-teeth-cavities.html

I'm 60 and have perfectly good teeth. I've seen the dentist about 5 times in my life. I hate the whole experience so I avoid it entirely.

So yes I'd agree that regular checkups are not needed when your teeth are fine. If anything went wrong, you'd soon feel it, so just go when you need it.

I do understand a bit, it makes you feel shamed. And it makes you feel judged and embarrassed.

But at the same time I have never seen a dentist behave in a way that is telling off. I am sure it happens, and i am sure some posters on this thread have. but I think it's more a case of the dentist misjudging their tone or attitude. And patients picking up on body language that's not there. I think being told you are doing something 'wrong' is embarrassing, and you will therefore take that as a telling off, when in reality it's just the dentist doing their job. I think a lot of these posters think their dentist is judging them when in reality the dentist will have completely forgotten about what their mouth looked like by tea time.

And actually I really don't tell my patients off. Everyone is this thread assumes I do this, everyone has assumed I speak to my patients like shit. I don't. The majority of my patients say I'm lovely, no one has ever said they feel patronized.

If you went on a thread about teachers, no one questions their professional judgement, or very few posters. Yet every single thread about dentists questions theirs. There's so much absolute bs about dentistry, and maybe I come across as rude on this thread because when posters just assume your money hungry as a profession it's quite disheartening.

Posters saying things like "if I did look after my teeth you'd have no work" "I'll remind my dentist I am the customer" "check ups are unecessary""they are just trying to drum up business".

Even you posting me an article about flossing, as if I haven't read hundreds of articles about flossing. Do you not think that's patronising? There's an underlying assumption that I don't know what I'm talking about

I was 32 before I ever had a visit to the hygiene at. He could t believe I’d never ever been before and said my teeth were amazingly clean. I do floss everyday. I’ve been back since but don’t always need a clean as there is no build up.

Wow what an interesting thread.
I do think it is a sign of the times we’re living in. Dentists practice in a state of constant fear of litigation and complaints. “Failure to diagnose and treat gum disease” is the most common reason for this.
On the other hand there seems to be a real failure by patients to take ownership of their own dental health. They do like to put the problem back on the dentist.
There shouldn’t be any need to patronise patients, but it’s a fine line between providing necessary (and required by the GDC!) oral hygiene advice and making people feel attacked. People don’t like to be criticised after all.
I do think as dentists it’s worth trying to remember that gum disease is multi factorial. Yes smoking is a cause, and evidence shows that a short talk with a healthcare professional can lead to more people giving up, so it’s worth a mention. I try not to go on about it though as the smoking message has got through and I haven’t met any adults recently who aren’t aware it’s really bad for you! They tend to want to give up but are finding it hard. Dentists tend not to be smoking cessation trained but we can signpost the NHS smoking cessation service.
Other factors, genetics. We can’t change this and most dentists have seen bad gum disease with minimal plaque.
The other thing I try and remember with my 80 and 90 year old dentate patients is that to have teeth at that age they must be quite gum disease resistant even with terrible oral hygiene. Plaque doesn’t always equal gum disease.
I work in a private practice and yes patients are patients but if you aren’t nice to them they will move elsewhere! So there is an element of being a customer too, although that isn’t the primary relationship.
I have found a few cases of oral cancer too so only going when you have a problem isn’t a good idea. Also if you wait until you have pain you will tend to end up with an extraction whereas if problems are spotted earlier the tooth can be saved.

I'm with OrangeShark and I just wish dentists like her existed when I was a child, a teen and a young adult. I'm now in my 60s and I just listen and try and learn even after all that I've been through with dentists!

OrangeShark personally for me, I just need some encouragement because I try really hard to keep what teeth I have as good as they can be. (This isn't directed at you personally) I was two years under a periodontist and never once did they say 'well done' even though I went from 80% bad to 25% good or better. My best was never good enough, there was always criticism however hard I tried. For those that struggle with our teeth it can be very demoralising. I'm not saying you are like this at all, but just saying I think it's what patients need.

I cannot believe how shit dentistry was when I was young and how far we have come on. I know technology has changed and there are more and more products and tools available to keep peoples teeth healthy, more knowledge for the dentists etc. I just think I would have better teeth if I hadn't been butchered when I was younger, if I'd been shown how to brush my teeth, if I had had hygienist appointments. There was no such a thing as a hygienist when I was younger.

It's a wonder I keep going given what I've been through with dentists (when I was 20 my dentist sexually assaulted me, I've never forgotten and learnt to live with it) Understandably I had a gap of about 3 years not going to a dentist but I did go back and I have always tried to keep my teeth as good as they can be..

So, all in all, I get what OrangeShark is saying... look after them or lose them! You are going to see a health professional and they are negligent if they don't talk to you about tooth hygiene

My dentist is great but I know what you mean about hygienists. The one I used to see after my dentist appointment always gave me a lecture about the "stains and plaque" on my teeth even though to me (and apparently to my dentist) they were fine. I do actually floss every day and look after my teeth well. In fact people always comment on how great my teeth are including dentists. I found it very irritating particularly as she had clearly poured a ton of bleach on her own teeth- we would all probably have great looking teeth we did that.

I now make fewer appointments with hygienists and make sure I don't see the irritating one at the practice. I my 50s and don't need a lecture or lesson from someone half my age who bleaches their teeth.

I cannot believe how shit dentistry was when I was young and how far we have come on. I know technology has changed and there are more and more products and tools available to keep peoples teeth healthy, more knowledge for the dentists etc. I just think I would have better teeth if I hadn't been butchered when I was younger, if I'd been shown how to brush my teeth, if I had had hygienist appointments. There was no such a thing as a hygienist when I was younger.

I think that's what some of the younger hygienists don't get. Much of the time less than perfect teeth are due to less good care with teeth in the 60s and 70s compared with nowadays including the lack of electric toothbrushes. It's easy for younger people nowadays to have good teeth and gums. My children (teenagers) are always praised by the hygienist for their teeth and they don't floss daily or make much effort with their teeth compared with me.

I don’t mind the dentist letting me know what I need to do with my teeth, it is their job after all but please just speak to me like an adult and don’t keep banging on about my smoking, if you’ve never smoked before then you have zero idea of what it’s really like to really want a fag when your trying to give up, it’s murder, it would be so much easier if they would stop being made, and most people know that when it comes to addiction then it’s about when the addict wants to stop, not when they’re told too.

Change dentists. I had this a few years ago and it made me feel like a child so I switched. You’re paying them for a service, they shouldn’t belittle you even if you did need a filling!

Exactly woodchuck99. I'm not making excuses for my teeth but there was no awareness, no hygienists, no reminders to clean your teeth or showing how to, no electric toothbrushes, no teepee brushes or floss, I'd never even heard of flossing!

I'm a dental Nurse in a hospital and when I go to the dentist the hygienist always tells me off about flossing!
It's just her tone I take it with a pinch of salt as I certainly know how to clean my teeth correctly 🤣

most people loose their teeth through gum desease, not tooth decay

Worth repeating.

I know Dentists have to talk to you about oral health but there are ways of doing it, some people DO talk at you as if you're an idiot and I think that's what the OP was getting at? If it's any consolation I got a bollocking from my hairdresser because use my hair straighteners too much and it's damaging my hair, not quite the same but you get my drift.

I have hairdressers that use straighteners on my hair although they do ask first and this is okay with me as I use them lots