To be fed up with getting told off every time I go to the dentist?

[ElderAve]

I'm 50 this year and I don't have any fillings. There's nothing wrong with my teeth. I eat a balanced diet hardly any sweets and no fizzy drinks (main because I've never liked them). I'm also probably just a bit lucky with my teeth.

I brush regularly but find flossing really uncomfortable so rarely do it. I see the hygienist three times a year to get rid of any build up.

Every time I go to the dentist or the hygienist, I get another lecture about brushing and flossing. I know technically it's just advice but the tone is definitely "telling off".

Really, I'm a 50yo adult who's teeth are in remarkably good condition, I can't be getting it that badly wrong. And if I do have any failings, I pay these people handsomely to deal with it!

Actually, by this stage in life, I'm not at all convinced such regular visits are necessary, but obviously no dentist is going to tell me that.

I just think few people will respond well to a lecture, a lot will ignore it, some might actively rebel and decide not to floss and some will change dentists or avoid the dentist entirely.

I'm a dental Nurse in a hospital and when I go to the dentist the hygienist always tells me off about flossing!

Do they know you're a dental nurse? I wonder if they do the same to dentists or indeed if dentists ever see hygienists. Perhaps not. I certainly think my ex hygienist was just trying to drum up extra business when she gave me grief about my teeth and she perhaps said the same thing to anyone over a certain age. They were either stained with a lot of plaque or she would say I had been brushing them too hard. Sometimes both.

Maybe your teeth and gums aren't in as good condition as you think they are and they can see that. Otherwise you wouldn't need to see the hygienist three times a year would you?

Of course it's dentists job to give advice but there's ways of doing it without making people feel like utter shit.

Oh and if dentists/orthodontists had done their jobs properly then my teeth and health, including mental health, would be in a lot better shape than they are.

I'm only 31 so the technology etc was certainly good when I was younger. I have strong teeth with no fillings but a fair bit of gum recession now- I really don't know what has cause this although suspect it could be pregnancies and hormonal contraception (I started on the pill in my teens and was never warned this could affect my teeth/gums).

I have and always have had a lot of overcrowding. Dentist referred me to an orthodontist at 12 who said it was borderline whether I needed braces etc. Was it fuck- my teeth were horrendous. I have a narrow jaw and there just isn't enough room. Anyway, even if it appeared borderline at that point I'm furious that the dentist didn't refer me again later on- she continued to see me until I was 16. I actually needed braces and orthognathic surgery to correct the position of my jaws but this never happened. Unfortunately I became a teenager around the time the NHS decided to start cutting back on children having braces but funding boob jobs instead. and I was the unfortunate one- my teeth weren't quite as bad as my brother's- still horribly overcrowded though- but his were worse so he actually had teeth taken out.

How I feel about my teeth and appearance because of then has had a huge impact on my mental health. It's not just a cosmetic thing- although I think it's personally reasonable for people to want to just be able to start from a position of feeling 'normal' with regards to this- to have normal, healthy, correctly positioned teeth and jaws. It's a health issue too- overcrowding makes it much harder to clean teeth correctly and therefore puts you at higher risk of problems like gum disease. My DD is 7 and it looks like she has a narrow jaw and will have overcrowding. The dentist thinks that it will be bad enough for her to need it correcting and it will be done by the NHS- I will push all the way for her for it to be done and if need be I would take out a loan to pay for my DC to have treatment.

I'm lucky that my dentist is lovely and I think sympathises massively with me. Anyone who spoke down to me would get short bloody shrift as I'd be pointing out that if dentists had done their job correctly to start with I would be in a much better position right now.

You are patients not customers - a dentist/hygienist isn't there to do what you what they are there to treat you

At 45 quid for 15 minutes with the hygienist I absolutely am a customer. I'm not paying for a newly qualified hygienist to patronize me and accuse me of lying (after sticking the pointy thing in my gum) when many of the problems I have are down to bad dentistry in the past. I changed hygienist.

Like PPs I grew up when dentists routinely filled healthy teeth in children so "they could get used to the drill". Many regarded this as good practice. Some were subsequently involved in the over treatment/over charging scandles. My memories of childhood dentistry, like many of my generation, are of pain for no reason.

The current incarnation of this bad practice seems to be overselling of cosmetic treatments which leave you with a lifetime of maintenance.

Dentistry absolutely is a commercial business, however the money is routed through the system. Services are contracted to the NHS by individual dental practices who are then free to upsell the cosmetic treatments to patients whilst they are in the chair.

I've also changed dentist in the past due to being accused of lying by the dentist when making my first trip after many weeks of HG. Apparently HG doesn't exist and is no excuse for not flossing (I had been hospitalised as even water in my mouth made me gag).

My current (good) hygienist and dentist manage to convey all the messages needed without patronising me or accusing me of lying.

So no, I won't automatically respect any dental practice just because of the letters. If they can't manage basic human interaction without accusing their customers of lying then other businesses are available.

Apparently HG doesn't exist and is no excuse for not flossing

Oh I had that too! With a dentist who literally rolled her eyes at me. Glad to hear from posters here that dentists are never patronising and we're just unreasonable people who don't want advice though.

I floss my teeth sometimes with dental tape but mostly I prefer to use a water pik. I find it strangely satisfying how even after a few days of not doing it I get a horrible smell from doing it to some of the gaps between my teeth - lovely to feel all those bacteria and bad breath smell being cleaned away! I have tried those teepee brushes but my teeth are overcrowded and it simply isn't physically possible to get them between my teeth.

I used to have such a wonderful Portuguese dentist - she would say that my teeth were a bit stained from coffee and red wine. "But for goodness sake don't stop drinking coffee and red wine, or what would the point of life be? I'll just clean them off and your teeth will be as good as new!". I mentioned to her that I was a bit miffed about the discharge letter to her from the dental hospital after I had my wisdom teeth out which I was copied into which said I had 'heavily restored dentition' and she was outraged on my behalf, said they were way better than many people she saw! Sadly she has now left and I'm not so keen on the new dentist. I can afford to go private but not sure how to find a good private one.

Change dentist! There are MUCH better ones out there. I see mine annually (his decision), have never seen a hygienist (he doesn't have one at his practice) and I never floss. My teeth are perfect (from a dental perspective) and my dentist treats me accordingly.

I'm a HCP and i would hate to speak to patients the way some dentists do . I've no doubt dentists and hygienists know what they are talking about and we should of course be following their advice. But sometimes it's just the manner that is delivered.

Knowing you are going to the dentist for another patronising lecture even though you have tried and followed everything they've told you must be so disheartening and if you suffer that way no wonder anxiety is through the roof.

I dislike the 'we are the customer' thing though. I've been on the other side of that in work. 'Well we pay for the NHS you need to do x,y,z' expecting 5 star service for a 2 star budget yes I pay too.... yes it is a service but at the end of the day it's your personal health and for your benefit too.

My dentist is amazing. She gives advice but with encouragement and reassurance. She is kind and calm too. I'll be gutted if she leaves! It isn't nhs but cheaper end of private and worth her weight in gold. I'm a little dentist anxious but I'm happy to see her regularly. So she's achieving her goal there by being nice!

But for goodness sake don't stop drinking coffee and red wine, or what would the point of life be?

Words to live by!

Seriously though, imagine if this was about GPs and patients' weight instead of dentists & teeth. It wouldn't be seen as acceptable for the gp to lecture a patient at every appointment about their weight, to say things like "you clearly aren't eating properly", "if you keep eating like this youret going to have a heart attack / diabetes / etc and it will be your fault". It's fairly accepted now that any 'fat shaming' type lectures are counter productive and not a good way to alter behaviour. Why is dentistry different?

I dislike the 'we are the customer' thing though. I've been on the other side of that in work. 'Well we pay for the NHS you need to do x,y,z' expecting 5 star service for a 2 star budget hmm yes I pay too.... yes it is a service but at the end of the day it's your personal health and for your benefit too.

I think the people saying they are customers are seeing private dentists and certainly private hygienists so not the same thing.

@Orangeshark You don't need to understand why. I could tell you but it's none of your business as you (thankfully) are not my dentist. You just need to understand that I am the way I am thanks to the actions of your colleagues in the past and respect my boundaries.

I understand the issues of working in a heavily regulated industry as I have done so myself all my working life. I however would not dream of speaking to my non-compliant clients like a dentist feels they have the right to.

@Orangeshark

Even you posting me an article about flossing, as if I haven't read hundreds of articles about flossing. Do you not think that's patronising? There's an underlying assumption that I don't know what I'm talking about

But at the same time I have never seen a dentist behave in a way that is telling off. I am sure it happens, and i am sure some posters on this thread have. but I think it's more a case of the dentist misjudging their tone or attitude. And patients picking up on body language that's not there. I think being told you are doing something 'wrong' is embarrassing, and you will therefore take that as a telling off, when in reality it's just the dentist doing their job. I think a lot of these posters think their dentist is judging them when in reality the dentist will have completely forgotten about what their mouth looked like by tea time.

But can you really not see how utterly patronising you are being towards posters on this thread? You've shown no empathy whatsoever. You've dismissed people's experiences as "you probably just misunderstood". This is exactly the attitude from dentists that I'm tired of. Yes, you went to dentistry school and are the expert, but it's our bodies. We are the ones who are in pain/discomfort, who are anxious/scared, and yet we are constantly being told that it's nothing. You're just imaging it. Sit down, shut up and do what you're told. There are great dentists out there but there are lot of shitty ones with bad attitudes too. Why can't you acknowledge that?

I think the people saying they are customers are seeing private dentists and certainly private hygienists so not the same thing

Mine was the only hygienist in an NHS practice - 45 quid for 15 minutes being patronised and accused of lying. The dentist in that practice had exactly the same attitudes. I took my NHS custom elsewhere but am very conscious that I had the resources to so do, others have less choices and are stuck with the being patronised and receiving poor care or nothing at all.

The fact that some dentists/hygienists are so good would suggest that being rude and patronising are not actually requirements for the job.

@stellabelle

I'm 60 and have perfectly good teeth. I've seen the dentist about 5 times in my life. I hate the whole experience so I avoid it entirely. So yes I'd agree that regular checkups are not needed when your teeth are fine. If anything went wrong, you'd soon feel it, so just go when you need it.

That's all well and good, but many dentists will de-register you if you don't attend twice a year. Got to bleed you dry of as much money as they can eh?

Funnily enough, I don't know ANY other profession who does this - INSISTS you see them (and pay for the 'privilege,) at LEAST twice a year, or they will boot you off their register (so they can sign up new gullible mugs who are daft enough to pay for shit they often don't need doing people.)

This doesn't happen with opticians, doctors surgeries, chiropodists, hairdressers, hospitals, chiropractors, or general clinics, or ANYWHERE. Only DENTISTS.

Why are dentists allowed to get away with this?

And by the way, the small handful of people fervently defending dentists as perfect saints who can do no wrong (and the couple of posters claiming to be dentists, who say they are only trying to HELP people, and they are NICE;) you can keep chanting that mantra til hell freezes over.

But as I said earlier in the thread, all of the people on this thread (and there are a LOT,) posting bad experiences, and negative opinions about dentists, cannot ALL be wrong.

Many people have had bad experiences with dentists, (and hygienists,) and they are entitled to say that, and they are not going to take anything back that they have said, (no matter how NICE you say you - as a dentist - are.) So suck it up buttercup.

I also don't believe in - or see the point of - dental hygienists. I think they are a pointless, money-making scam. And no matter how much you clean and scrub and floss your teeth, they will ALWAYS find fault with them, and poke and dig to find a salt-grain sized piece of plaque to wave in front of your face.

Then they will spend 10 minutes prodding and poking away at your teeth with floss, pulling out nothing, and leaving you with irritated nerves for weeks on end. Gotta justify charging that £50 eh?

@LeaveBeforeTheLightsComeOn

Oh and if dentists/orthodontists had done their jobs properly then my teeth and health, including mental health, would be in a lot better shape than they are.

Yep this. I think (some) dentists have a LOT to answer for. It's almost like they deliberately allow peoples teeth to stay/get a bit shit, to give themselves oodles of extra work/extra income in the future...

@Inappropriatefemale it's OK, don't worry, we get you. most of us. And we can see what you're saying.

These kind of threads annoy me so much. I’m a dental nurse and cba getting into a brawl over teeth tbh. But what I will say is, dentist are actually trained to spot cancer too. In the neck, head, and mouth. Therefore even if your teeth are ‘perfect’ your appointments aren’t just about checking your teeth. I’ve witnessed dentists spot some scary things over the years and have potentially saved lives!

What a refreshing change this thread is to the other v unpleasant dentist thread today (happily now deleted) where almost all posters tore into the OP. OP felt grossly patronised and ‘told off’ by the dentist about child’s dummy use so said child had given up dummy. OP slaughtered on a thread which managed to combine dentist worship with comments about OP being an appalling mother!

I thought it was just me!

Also everyone on this thread is blaming dentists/maxfacs surgeons

No everyone, I was the only one to complain about a maxfax surgeon and frankly you have no idea what maltreatment I had or the fact that the max fax surgeon apologised to me and admitted he made a mistake and told me he shouldn't have operated.
Ironic, eh.

That was in reply to @orangeshark

Just tell that.

Just explain you appreciate their advice but you don't appreciate being told off like act year old and to kindly keep their lectures for all the people who don't brush or floss.

Cheeky beggars!

Sorry..... autocorrect gremlins!

I have tum disease

I have the same scenario every time:

I see the hygienist who tells me my teeth are in a terrible state and are about to fall out, serious irreparable gum disease, I need to buy stuff xyz

... then my dentist says: all fine. I ask about the irreparable gum disease and my teeth about to fall out... he says no, my teeth are fine

Either or both must be crap! Dread it every single time!

The NHS are opening authidental units now for anything needed to be done other than the hygienist. I think it is the children that need the telling offs rather than you OP. I get stressed taking them to the dentist these days 😄 I take the children regularly and they are terrible for brushing and taking it seriously they are 7 and 11. We Nag everyday.. but. I get told off too, they also don’t realise the impact this will have on them in the future, The dentist also puts a coating on their teeth now. 😄 making it so easy for them not to worry these days, I think you OP could start training on teeth brushing for 3 to 16 Year olds.. 😄