Friend and messy toilet

[GeraldineFangedVagine]

I had a friend round with her daughter last week. For background, I’ve just had sepsis, jaundice two procedures in a week under GA and almost died. I was in hospital two weeks and am still having IV antibiotics at home via a long term line in my arm.
Her daughter (5) used the loo and made a mess. She told her mum, and then her mum told me. I said I need to be really careful about infection with this line, I can’t clean it. She looked at me sort of nonplussed but left it. I then cleaned it because she made no move to and went to and repeated that it was a mess. I couldn’t just leave it, because my other half wasn’t home till much later.
Was she being unreasonable to just leave it? It’s totally changed how I feel about her! I am not the Poo Troll btw.

Gross - I think most right-thinking people would want to clean up their own child's mess in a friend's house but I would clean up ANYONE's mess for a friend who wasn't able to due to risk of infection. And I'm pretty squeamish when it comes to that kind of thing, but you just do it when you need to.

How bizarre she didn't clean up the loo after her DD. Have you been to her house? Gotta wonder what state its in ...

I'd make a mess in her bathroom but I am petty

I was babysitting for friends when norovirus struck. Luckily their kids' footstool was by the sink so I grabbed that to throw up into whilst sat on the loo, but I didn't catch all of it. I cleaned it up as best I could but couldn't find any bleach and felt awful.

I text them to let them know what had happened and, on their return, insisted on being given the bleach and went to scrub the room down. There is no way I'd have let them do it (even though they tried to insist). Why would I have left it for them to do?

I would clean up a mess if my child made it weather my friend was sick or not! She sounds like a dick!

There is no excuse for this rudeness. Your child makes a mess in ANY toilet..ANYWHERE you clean it up. It just adds insult to injury that you were at risk from infection. That was a total disregard for your health and the fact she was still in your house WHILST you cleaned her child's mess speaks volumes. She's get a toe in the hole out of my house and she wouldn't darken the door again.

Was she waiting for you to tell her where the cleaning products are? otherwise, no excuse at all

How rude and thoughtless of your friend. And the child even made a point of mentioning it so the child knew it was a mess that needed cleaning up.

I wish you a speedy and full recovery, OP.

You are definitely not being unreasonable. My daughter had a Hickman line in for most of last year so I completely understand your need for as hygienic as an environment as possible.

Best wishes for a speedy recovery

This happened to me once. Friend's son left a horrible mess in the toilet. I discovered it just as they were putting their coats on to leave. I told her that her son had made a mess in the bathroom, to which she responded, 'oh dear', and continued getting ready to leave!
I insisted that before they left, she needed to clean up her child's poo! She gave me a look, but she cleaned it up and we're still good friends.
If it had been my child that had made a mess, I would have gone straight to clean it up without being told - but everyone is different - sometimes you've got to be direct with people.

Some people are so incredibly grotty!

How you could even consider leaving that mess is bizarre! Don’t invite the trampy cow round again

If she tries to invite herself over again be busy, so busy she is barred from your house. It's unacceptable that she didn't clean up her child's mess.

As if she left it. The scruffy brioche

That woman put your health at risk. She is no friend. Drop her immediately. You owe her no explanation, but it might be good for your self-esteem to write her a very direct message: "You put my health at risk today by refusing to clean the mess your child made in my toilet. I cannot continue a friendship with someone who has so little regard for me and my welfare." And then block her on every channel of communication.

She means you no good. I bet the invitation she extended is for her benefit, not yours. I bet if you look back on the friendship, you will see multiple instances of piss-taking and liberties.

Learn a lesson from this. Stand up for yourself and treat yourself with the kindness you are offering piss-takers.

I can’t believe the number of posters that are suggesting that the OP is at any way at fault, because she didn’t directly ask a fully functioning, neurotypical adult to clean up the shit her own daughter made! Seriously? Why would she ever have to ask? The mother should have asked the OP where the cleaning stuff was if she didn’t know, not continued sitting on her arse knowing the OP, ill or not, would have to clean it. That’s disgusting behaviour.

Totally agree that irrespective of your own health at the moment, it was the mother’s job to clear it up. For those who wondered what the state of your friend’s own loo is, the fact that the child told her mum suggests they both realised something needed to be done.

Of course OP shouldn't have had to ask, T0tally. But it's not unreasonable to ask why she didn't do so once it became clear that her friend wasn't going to clean up of her own volition.

I can’t believe the number of posters that are suggesting that the OP is at any way at fault, because she didn’t directly ask a fully functioning, neurotypical adult to clean up the shit her own daughter made!
Yeah, I know.

I think the friend was unreasonable to bring her DD with her to the house, full stop. Even if the child hadn't messed the toilet children of that age are a walking biohazard - goodness knows what germs she was bringing with her from school or the playground anyway and coughing and spluttering around the house. At least with the mess in the bathroom you can see what you are dealing with and don rubber gloves. But in your immunocompromised state you don't need to have an unrelated child around, child visitors are banned from most hospitals for their own safety and that of patients.

You probably shouldn't be accepting any visitor in your current state.

OP, I really hope you recover quickly.

Extraordinary that she didn't leap from her chair and clean the loo without a word.

Filthy, lazy woman.

Now you know. Block her.

💐💐💐

Thanks everyone for the kind replies. I feel really vulnerable at the minute. I keep having flashbacks to hospital, I think because I was so unwell (hallucinating etc). I’m normally quite brave and outgoing so this has really been a shock for me. I know people think I should have told her to do it but I’m just not in a good state to be assertive at the minute and I feel very small and like I don’t want to lose a friend. That’s why I started this thread really. Sadly, I think the majority have it and I will probably never feel the same about our friendship now which is sad. But I have survived worse this year so far, onward and upward. Thank you again all.
Also I know somebody mentioned that there is not risk if I follow universal precautions, I know this is true, but my sepsis was caused by a hospital inserted device and so I know that there is a risk, however small. I don’t want to put the fear of god into others though, as I really was very unlucky, just in case anyone panics because they have read this.

I was the one that said there is no risk as long as you follow what the hospital will have taught you. What is crucial is that you follow the sterile procedures hospital taught you when administering your IV drugs. People administering IV drugs to themselves are if they feel well enough, allowed to go to work and out and about.
I understand it putting the fear of god into you, but you also need to be careful not to develop anxiety from this.

I am a theatre nurse so I understand asepsis and aseptic technique very well. I’ve just had sepsis and nearly died too, it’s not the rational, knowledgeable part of my mind working. I am absolutely sure my technique is safe and risk is small, but I am only human. Thank you for your advice though, it is appreciated x

I’m not well enough to go to work yet or be out and about really. Me doing my own IVs was really the only option to avoid a prolonged inpatient stay.