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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend and messy toilet

107 replies

GeraldineFangedVagine · 20/01/2020 12:13

I had a friend round with her daughter last week. For background, I’ve just had sepsis, jaundice two procedures in a week under GA and almost died. I was in hospital two weeks and am still having IV antibiotics at home via a long term line in my arm.
Her daughter (5) used the loo and made a mess. She told her mum, and then her mum told me. I said I need to be really careful about infection with this line, I can’t clean it. She looked at me sort of nonplussed but left it. I then cleaned it because she made no move to and went to and repeated that it was a mess. I couldn’t just leave it, because my other half wasn’t home till much later.
Was she being unreasonable to just leave it? It’s totally changed how I feel about her! I am not the Poo Troll btw.

OP posts:
ioioitsoff · 20/01/2020 13:14

Yanbu. Even her child knew that her mum needed to clean or she wouldn't have mentioned it.

mencken · 20/01/2020 13:16

dirty slattern. Kids make a mess (in fact we all make a mess). But not cleaning up even asked is just telling you that she does not care. And under the circumstances, particularly so. People who aren't prepared to clean up shit should not have kids.

lose her.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 20/01/2020 13:18

Cheeky cow. She should have cleaned it. I would have been embarrassed enough to clean it up whether my friend was at risk or not!

I'm with Sweetpea here.

There's no way I would expect anyone to clean up after my child (or myself!) in a situation like this.

Any chance you could use her lavatory and leave is a sea of excrement? I can let you have some bags of dog poo. We have four dogs, so can give you plenty.

YouokHun · 20/01/2020 13:19

When my children were small I’d go in after them to check they’d left the loo in user friendly condition and wouldn’t dream of expecting other people to clean up after them, infection risk or none. I’d feel embarrassed leaving that for someone else to tackle. People are really thoughtless.

20viona · 20/01/2020 13:19

That's dreadful don't be friends with Arseholes like her.

GabsAlot · 20/01/2020 13:21

Gross id be highly embarrassed and ask for cleaning products regardless if youre ill or not

ScrimshawTheSecond · 20/01/2020 13:22

Even notwithstanding your illness (I hope you have a swift recovery) she should have cleaned it! I am not a clean person by any stretch, but that's really appalling behaviour. Given your illness, it's dangerous and, frankly, unforgivable.

thrree · 20/01/2020 13:22

The fact that you're at greater risk of infection right now is irrelevant. You don't leave someone else's toilet in a state.

Inherdefence · 20/01/2020 13:25

I think you should have been more upfront with her. Just telling her you can’t clean it is ambiguous - you might have been explaining that it would have to wait for your partner to get home. It would have been better to ask her outright ‘I can’t clean it because of my line, could you do it please while I make us all a coffee?’ If she then refused you would be quite right to be annoyed at her. It then got even more confusing because having told her you couldn’t clean it, you went ahead and cleaned it!

If she is a good friend otherwise I’d let this go. And learn from it - in future if you need help form her or anyone else, speak up and ask for it clearly. Don’t hunt and expect them to pick up on it.

Cohle · 20/01/2020 13:26

It's so unreasonable that I can only assume there was some kind of miscommunication.

Were you clear you were expecting her to clean it and not just explaining why you were leaving it?

Are you being a bit precious about what a "mess" is and your friend though a slight skid mark was not really with much of a fuss? (Please don't go into details!)

mytypeonpaper · 20/01/2020 13:30

I wouldn't of even hesitated to clean it if I was the friend, I'd be mortified! Dosent sound like a great friend!!

Original poster
GeraldineFangedVagine · 20/01/2020 13:33

Cohle, I have questioned myself, but no, it was a big mess. On toilet seat and all over bowl. That’s why I had to clean it as I might have needed to use the toilet myself. It was really weird.

OP posts:
KatharinaRosalie · 20/01/2020 13:35

your friend is really weird. Who on earth leaves their kids' mess for other people to clean up? Especially if your child specificanny tells you you need help.

Usernameismyname01 · 20/01/2020 13:38

It simple - why do people find it so hard to just say what needs to be said without all the hand wringing!!

Little girl says she has made a mess/had an accident in the toilet

You: Never mind, ill get your mummy some cleaning stuff so she can clean it up.

AND THEN GIVE FRIEND THE CLEANING STUFF

If she was to say why am I cleaning it up, you say your daughter, your mess, you clean it :)

All can be said in a very jovial way and no need to even go on about your risk of infection etc..

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 20/01/2020 13:39

Geraldine, that was a horrid thing to happen to you when you've been feeling so unwell and also when you'd told her you were worried about infection.
Even if you hadn't told her, you were sitting there in front of her having just come out of hospital with an antibiotic line in your arm.
I hope you feel better soon and there was no harm done.
Your visitor was selfish and inconsiderate and I'd really be questioning inviting her around again. as early pp said even her child knew it needed cleaning. I can think of very few people who would refuse to clean up their child's mess. Flowers

Original poster
GeraldineFangedVagine · 20/01/2020 13:42

Cleaning stuff all in a basket by the toilet. The child told her mum (via whispering) and then her mum told me. If it was me and my child I wouldn’t have told the person who’s house it. Fair point though, I thought by saying I can’t clean it, that would prompt her just to do it. I find getting into a back and forth really embarrassing, so that is on me.

OP posts:
Buyitinbamboo · 20/01/2020 13:46

Wouldn't even occur to me to tell the person who's house it is my daughter made a mess in the toilet, I'd just go clean it up. That's really weird

TheBigFatMermaid · 20/01/2020 13:53

Even without all you've been through,her daughter made a mess, she should clean it!

Equanimitas · 20/01/2020 13:58

She looked at me sort of nonplussed but left it.

Surely that was the cue to say "Like I say, I can't clean it, would you mind?"

Drum2018 · 20/01/2020 14:00

Dirty bitch! I'd have just told her where the cleaning products were and told her she had to do it. But given her nonplussed attitude she'd probably have done a useless job anyway. Do not have her over to visit again. If she calls unannounced tell her you're not up for visitors and close the door.

SnoozyLou · 20/01/2020 14:04

I don't think I'd be in a hurry to invite her over again if that's the way she behaves.

Highonpotandused · 20/01/2020 14:05

I think most people would be mortified at them or their children leaving a toilet a mess in someone's house. The fact that your friend wasn't would make me seriously question the friendship.

I lived in posh halls at uni where it was one bathroom between two girls. Once my bathroom-mate left a turd right on the toilet seat. Every where else (bowl, sides) was clean so she (or maybe someone sneaked in) did it deliberately.

zasknbg · 20/01/2020 14:06

That would be shocking even if you weren’t on the IV antibiotics!

Urkiddingright · 20/01/2020 14:27

Even without the back story your friend was a dick. Who would have the cheek to leave mess like that in someone else’s home?

MummyJasmin · 20/01/2020 14:28

What a bitch

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