Friend and messy toilet

[GeraldineFangedVagine]

I had a friend round with her daughter last week. For background, I’ve just had sepsis, jaundice two procedures in a week under GA and almost died. I was in hospital two weeks and am still having IV antibiotics at home via a long term line in my arm.
Her daughter (5) used the loo and made a mess. She told her mum, and then her mum told me. I said I need to be really careful about infection with this line, I can’t clean it. She looked at me sort of nonplussed but left it. I then cleaned it because she made no move to and went to and repeated that it was a mess. I couldn’t just leave it, because my other half wasn’t home till much later.
Was she being unreasonable to just leave it? It’s totally changed how I feel about her! I am not the Poo Troll btw.

And yes, people are clueless and also selfish, they can't see an issue if it doesn't affect them. All I can say with regard to MIL is your health matters more than anyone's hurt feelings or inconvenience, keep repeating that to yourself and anyone who questions your decisions. Only you can decide how to play things with your 'friend' but I wouldn't feel bad about pulling back if that's what you want, she hasn't exactly shown you much concern has she?

Yanbu.
Whether you were ill or not. If my kids left a mess I'd damn well clean it.

A friend would be cleaning up after your child considering your recovery, let alone their own! I’d consider the friendship over.

Of course that's not unreasonable of you! You're at risk of infection and she let you come into contact with an unrelated person's poo! She absolutely should have cleaned up the loo; even if you weren't ill but much more so because you are very unwell.

A lot of people in the UK seem to have a very poor regard for hygiene and to perceive it as rude if other people attempt to control infection! In Scandinavian countries kids take their shoes off before going into school and wear slippers; they're asked to wash their hands during the school day and as a result there are fewer viral infections. In the UK a lot people seem to be proud of barely washing their hands but when you're seriously ill as you are it must be a nightmare!

Could you message her and say that whilst obviously 5 year olds do have accidents and that's not a problem in itself that you think that not cleaning it up when you're very ill and at risk of infection was quite unkind of her? Or do you think that's too much?

The fact that you are sick is irrelevant really. You clean up your kids mess regardless.Exactly. What did her last slave die of? God that makes me sound old

Best wishes for your recovery, OP. And definitely keep things cool with this 'friend'.

Totally unfair! Is it a PIK line? You have to be sure careful like you say as those go straight to the heart but even so a normal line still poses infection risk far greater than hers. Honestly can’t believe she could be so nonplussed about it! It’s a friendship I’d be more wary of in future.

Wow. your health issues are not even relevant. Her child made a mess, she should clean it up.
Nobody wants to clean up shit, but if it's your childs, there is no question that the parent should clear it.
Go round her house, shit and piss all over the bathroom and leave. See how she likes it. (I'm just joking- don't do that).

She was Unreasonable not to clean up but you shouldn't have let her get away with it and risked infection yourself. You should have said, can you please clean your child's mess because I'm sick and it would be risky for me to do it?

Omg I clean up if my kid makes a mess in a public toilet, no matte about someone's home.

How horrible for you. Your friend is a filthy lazy person I'm sorry to say

Even if you weren't ill, everyone should leave a toilet in someone else's house in the state they found it and clean after themselves and their children! It's shocking your friend wouldn't, especially as you're ill but in any case she should have done it.

When I take my kids anywhere I always check the toilet after they've been - mainly to make sure they've flushed, washed hands and that there's no loo roll on the floor! Any mess - I clean it up, I'm their mum after all

Not a chance would I ever leave my kids mess for anyone to clean up, especially a poorly friend! I literally am gobsmacked at their audacity of letting you clean it up :(

IV lineor no IV line, what sort of skanky person tells you their child has made a mess in your loo and leaves YOU to clean it up?

I said I need to be really careful about infection with this line, I can’t clean it. She looked at me sort of nonplussed but left it

Did you ask her straight out to clean it up? If not perhaps she thought you were explaining why you were leaving it for your partner to clean up? And indirectly telling her not to (as you would prefer partner to).

Of course she should have offered, but there are some people who don’t get subtext and need asking straight out. Is she normally not one to pick up a hint?

There’s quite a few times i’ve left a social even and several ours later the lightbulb has gone off as my brain pieces together what someone was actually asking...

YWBU - you should have just told / asked her to clean it up!

Maybe you should have got the cleaning products and given them to her. Maybe she needed the products to clean?

Your friend was unreasonable, I honestly don't know why she didn't immediately go and clean up after her daughter when she knew about the line in your arm. Very strange behaviour.

I do hope all will be healed up soon, it's horrible for you.

You should have asked her to clean it. I understand why you didn’t. You’re recovering and still weak.

Of course she should have cleaned it.
But I have had a line and IV antibiotics at home. As long as you wear disposable gloves (which the hospital will have given you) and follow the hygiene rules the hospital will have taught you, there really is not a risk. Assuming child did not have norovirus or other infectious illness.

Your friend didn't consider your health risk at all. That's awful. Sorry but she was a knob!
I hope you feel better soon. Put off any visits from her to your house. xx

YANBU! Sorry I accidentally clicked YABU without realising.

What an idiot, I wouldn't be inviting them over again.

Not down playing your health but regardless of it, she should have cleaned it! She's the type that'd leave a mess in a public bathroom and just leave it to the cleaners to deal with which is disgusting! I certainly wouldn't be inviting them around again!
Hope you have a quick recovery!

I’m doing my own IVs but am very paranoid about infection, I think it’s because I was so ill and it was pretty terrifying. I want to avoid sources of infection wherever possible really. Thanks again for all the thoughtful replies.

She should have just done it. Regardless of your health (I'm not dismissing your health just saying she should have done it regardless) that would be the last time I let them visit.

You can ask some people to clean up until you're blue in the face doesn't mean the fuckers will do it. I've a weakened immune system and been there; living alone and yes I ended up hospitalised as a result.

X-post. Of course you'll be extra worried about infection now. I've not voted but I'd be surprised anyone said YABU (except by mistake)!