@LdnRed99 I’m a full time carer to my MIL who has Alzheimer’s and can completely and utterly understand how full on caring can be. It is also not easy to anticipate how hard things will be in the future, what you can cope with now may be unbearable in a year, you just never know, but you do your best with what you have at the time.
For those saying you knew your husbands health problems before you married and therefore should just be willing to put up with it have no clue what they are talking about. Presumably you married your husband because you loved him, and decided to marry despite his illness, this however does not mean that you have to put your own health at risk because you have to care for his. You’ve given him a wife, a family and a carer, love, support, care and attention. You have also willingly and knowingly done all the heavy lifting in terms of parenting and housework and no doubt a mulititude of other things. He may be ill and whilst that is very sad for him, it is also sad for you, as you have also made an incredible sacrifice in order to be with him and give as much of yourself as you have. You’ve continued to stay with him, love and care for him despite knowing that it makes your life harder. Many of those that are judging on this thread would never be able to do such a thing due to the level of selflessness it requires.
As for you my lovely, you do have to have some boundaries, and not because you are unwilling to support and care for your DH, but because you have to also care for yourself and your children. Since he cannot step in in regards to the care of the children and especially while they are so young it is imperative that you think of your own long term health, because they need you, they all need you, him included.
It’s a good idea to think ahead and think of what you think you can and can’t manage and draw up some lines in the sand for things you are not willing or able to do so that you can make a plan to have those needs covered by outside assistance. The sooner you get the ball rolling on this the better because as I’m sure you are aware the adult social care system moves very slow indeed. As much as the idea is abhorrent, do look at some care facilities which can offer you some respite, you might not use it for a long time to come but when you need it that rest can be worth its weight in gold.
When I first took on the care of my MIL who now lives with us, things were very manageable but she soon suffered a decline which has made Care very tricky indeed. I have 3 DC myself, the youngest just a toddler. There are days when I’m at the end of my tether and the exhaustion is like none I’ve ever known, despite having done the whole newborn sleep deprivation thing and the constant supervision of toddlers. I am needed all the time, it’s constant, unrelenting and it’s day after day. It’s ok to feel not ok with it all, you cannot be superwoman all of the time, and despite the needs of your DH and those of your children you do have to put yourself first once in a while. 