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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu..to be upset that my married best friend cancels our tomorrow shopping trip to go shag her boxing coach

120 replies

Baileys38 · 19/01/2020 22:00

Simple as that, best mate and I text daily,don't see each other often,I'm going through hell mentally at the mo awaiting a cancer diagnosis,(specialist are pretty sure, and will be getting final tests this week),and was looking forward to seeing her for a day out shopping and lunch tomorrow. Shes married by the way and said she had the opportunity to meet up for sex and would I mind?
I just feel it's a bit selfish as I have always been there for her and wanted other peoples thoughts

OP posts:

Mummyoflittledragon · 20/01/2020 05:34

Stupid woman, putting her marriage and good friendship at risk for a notch on a man’s bed post. You deserve better. I hope you’ll be ok.

Luckystar777 · 20/01/2020 05:44

She sounds like an arse. I would tell her husband.

Hope you'll be ok

Minxmumma · 20/01/2020 07:10

Some friend! Assuming she is aware of your current health status and pending results she is both incredibly selfish and has the morals of an alleycat on heat.

Wingedserpentfliesbynight · 20/01/2020 07:22

Is she aware of health issues?

Roselilly36 · 20/01/2020 07:25

She isn’t a friend OP, you have enough going on, and I agree with PP when life takes another turn you find out who your true friends are.

When I was dx with MS, it was a terrible scary time friends I felt sure I could rely on were absent. I don’t waste my time on people that don’t care. Fountains and drains.

Wishing you well OP.

Treaclepie19 · 20/01/2020 07:54

Wishing you all the best for Wednesday.
She is most definitely not a good friend.

RuggerHug · 20/01/2020 07:55

Good God she sounds like a cunt of the highest order. OP, you don't need that shit in your life. Block, ignore and be busy if she tries to worm her way back. Hope the results go ok for you and they're being over cautious.

Original poster

Baileys38 · 20/01/2020 07:58

Hi.. just wanted to thankyou all for your responses. What you all say is exactly how I feel. I havent got the hang if mumsnet yet with how to tag individual people..
1stly I dont agree with affairs.i have been cheated on myself and I have told her my views on what's she doing.its been going on for around a month

2nd she is fully aware of my health issues,she and one other close friend know as I didnt want to say anything till the results are concrete

3rdly..to the lovely nurse who asked.. I found a lump last year,gp said it was a cyst, ultrasound said it was a vein,,contrast mri radiologist said she had no idea !!. I had a punch biopsy in dec and it was inconclusive,so had another one and same again. My sample findings and scans were put in front of the sarcoma specialist team at my hospital and from that they are pretty certain its sarcoma cancer,,and that's why no one else picked up on it as most professionals wont ever see it in their life time.i have to hope I get good samples this Wednesday because they cant just whip it out due to clear margins etc?? And it's in a awkward spot.I just have to stay positive and pray that it's just the hospital doing there job

I really do appreciate you all taking the time to respond. I feel a bit better now knowing I'm not over reacting

OP posts:

EvaHarknessRose · 20/01/2020 08:01

Send a sarcastic message which gives her insight into herself and hopefully ruin her enjoyment of the extramarital activities.

Honestly, you have the high ground here. 'You're really ditching me for this reason at this particular time? Wow.'

Legoandloldolls · 20/01/2020 08:06

I hope you still get to do something nice today OP. Have a lovely day without your so called friend. I hope the catches some STD as karma 🤣

Good luck on Wednesday. I hope everything goes in your favour

Whatnameisgood · 20/01/2020 08:11

If you think you can handle it emotionally, let her know that she’s really upset you and why. A real friend would feel horrified at herself (giving her a huge benefit of the doubt...) Her behaviour is grim though

Popc0rn · 20/01/2020 09:19

Aw OP, with that update she is a terrible friend! I don't know how anyone could think it was okay to cancel on a friend who clearly needs some support and distraction today, how selfish of her. I'd be tempted to send her a message explaining how hurtful she has been.

Hope you still do something nice today, even if it means going taking yourself out for a solo shopping and lunch date, treat yourself!

Hope it goes well on Wednesday

MO21305 · 20/01/2020 09:38

So sorry for your stressful situation. I wish you the best with your test results.

As for your 'friend', I would screenshot the message & send the screenshot to her husband, with an apology of course. She's not your friend & you and her husband both deserve better.

SquishyLint · 20/01/2020 09:42

She sounds vile. Sorry OP, that’s not someone you need in your life.

billy1966 · 20/01/2020 09:53

Wishing you the very best.

That woman is utterly shameful.

💐💐💐

springydaff · 20/01/2020 10:28

I wouldn't bother telling her how you feel iiwy (unless it makes you feel better to give her a piece of your mind?). I didn't bother talking to the piss takers when I had cancer, they were already history when they treated me poorly at my worst its not my usual style to ghost people but at that time it was : chop, and they were gone.

Orchidflower1 · 20/01/2020 10:35

@Baileys38 what a horrid “friend”. Using you like that is awful at the best of times. Hope you get favourable news on weds. 🌺🤞🏻

Urkiddingright · 20/01/2020 10:36

She’s selfish enough to cheat on her husband so you shouldn’t really expect any better. Terrible friend and person.

BumbleBeee69 · 21/01/2020 13:16

Don't respond to any messages asking how your appointment went.. cut her off.. ghost her.

overnightangel · 21/01/2020 17:26

“It it tricky for her to meet coach? Is that why she doesn’t want to give up the chance of a shag? Could you met her afterwards for a drink?“

You don’t have very high standards do you @Wingedserpentfliesbynight

Original poster

Baileys38 · 26/01/2020 18:10

Just a little update. I had my biopsy.the lovely doctor managed to get 2 samples although he said it was difficult as they fell apart. It hasnt grown much since the last time and will be sent to a sarcoma specialist to diagnose at a different hospital. The dr does reckon I have had this lump for a very very long time. He said its 10 days for preliminary results.so the countdown is on.
As for the friend,,,,I havent made any contact with her at all. I dont feel strong enough right now for a showdown with her but it will either happen or I wont waste my breath
If it's ok I will update here with my results.once again thanks for all your responses and support x

OP posts:

MyOtherProfile · 26/01/2020 18:14

Hope you get a happy result.

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 26/01/2020 18:15

She’s not much of a friend, is she? Wishing you all the best, OP.

Firstawake · 26/01/2020 19:12

ContessaferJones · 26/01/2020 19:19

I think slow-growing is generally better than fast, OP, so that sounds like a hopeful result for a positive outcome to me (as in, you might need chemo/radiotherapy but that will kill the fucker). Fingers crossed for you

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