Aibu asking DH not to drink at kids bedtime

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DH drinks too much IMO, however I'm not bringing it up as I know how much of an argument that'll cause.
He tends to rake a bottle of beer in to the kids rooms whilst reading bedtime stories (8 and 6) aibu to raise it as an issue?

For the record and to be clear, I seen far too much

Drinking culture int he UK is dreadful

Exactly this. Isn't drinking supposed to be with a meal or on a social occasion? I can't grasp at all the idea that it's "normal" to drink while putting your kids to bed or reading them a story.

No it isn't unreasonable OP . It's complete disregard for the children and you , his wife. He obviously has a real problem with alcohol , l am so sorry OP.

So yes, it’s perfectly reasonable to ask how much he drinks.

Not necessarily, and this is why people who don't live with problem drinking in their lives simply don't get it.

For a start, alcoholism is progressive. Nobody goes from a moderate drinker to an alcoholic in one day.

My husband started off drinking 3 or 4 times a week. But those 3 or 4 times would be times I'd bring the kids out for the day. Instead of coming with us he'd get dropped to the pub. He might be only there for 2 hours or so, but it was EVERYTIME I brought the kids out.

So technically he wasn't drinking much but it was still a problem because I was effectively a single parent. To the point of he ever did come along on the very odd day the kids would ask was he not going to the pub.

Drinking interfered with our family life. It was definitely causing me a problem. It wasn't a problem for him however because he said he didn't drink THAT much, and he didn't drink everyday. It wasn't the volume of what he drank. It wasn't even how often he drank. It was when he drank. And when he saw his opportunity to go to the pub.

But I'm sure had I said anything I'd be a nagging controlling wife according to some here?

Then, as alcoholism tends to do, it progressed. It crept up. The volume crept it. The frequency crept up. He went from being a moderately heavy drinker, to a heavy drinker, to a very heavy drinker, to an alcoholic (in my view. He still doesn't think he's an alcoholic because he doesn't drink every day).

People who don't live with a problem drinker tend to not understand. People who live with a problem drinker tend not to ask "how much does he drink" because people who live with a problem drinker know it's not as simple as that.

he obviously has a real problem with alcohol

Because of 1 bottle?

Nearly dropped my glass of wine laughing so hard

@TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre has expressed it perfectly.
It isn’t drinking every day, it’s not the exact number of units, it’s not whether you put vodka on your cereal. It’s not about whether you have physical symptoms if you don’t drink. It’s not about whether you have a hangover or not.
It’s about how the drinking affects those around them. My father drank only once or twice a week. But he was an alcoholic. A nasty one at that. His drinking affected everyone around him.

@Wolfiefan he was a problem binge drinker. He was not alcohol dependent. Binge drinkers are usually the nastiest.
I have more DV perps and children on CP who's parents are binge drinkers than functioning alcoholic dependent people.
I have one guy on my caseload who drinks once a week but when he does he batters his wife with her children present. She's been brainwashed to believe he loves her as he is nice when he doesn't drink. It's so so sad.

He may not have been physically alcohol dependant but his life was that of an alcoholic.
And yes to the DV.
No one deserves to live with behaviour like that.

For those who take alcohol to lubricate bedtime, why is that?

That is not normal and not acceptable. I don't mind a beer or glass of wine in the evening, but not in a kids bedroom - story time or not!

Here in France we are not ashamed of alcohol and try and drink in secret from our children.
that's a massive jump from hiding your drink to going to a bedroom with them. I wouldn't even take a cup of tea at story time, pretty sure no one will die of dehydration for the 30mn they spend with their kids.

I wouldn't take an ice-cream or a sandwich either, it's not a shameful secret, it's just the wrong place and time.

I wouldn't even take a cup of tea at story time

Why not?

because I can spend 30 mn without slurping a drink, even if the Brits are obsessed with snacks and tea breaks they can't survive 10 minutes without one.

WHY would you need a cup of tea when you read a story?

WHY would you need a cup of tea when you read a story?

Because you enjoy it. Is that really such an outrageous position?

I don't see the need for food and drinks in bedrooms frankly, and interrupting a story to drink your tea is weird.

Plenty of time after story and diner for that.

It’s so bizarre..bedtime is all about warm milk, snuggling up, warm baths and cosy stories, not perching up with a bottle of beer 🙈
I’m no stick in the mud, but why not wait? Having a drink with dinner is ok, isn’t hiding it away, then maybe have a glass or whatever downstairs when they’re tucked up in bed.
I can’t even see how I’d manage to drink the wine during bath time 😂too busy washing hair and my dd would probably grab it..too much faffing. I really didn’t realise this was a ‘Thing’

I don't see the need for food and drinks in bedrooms frankly

And others have no problem with this. It’s tea. Not crack.

OP I’d be fine with the alcohol too so long as his drinking isn’t problematic generally.

God, I never imagined people could be so uptight about beverages. Who knew

This place is fucking weird sometimes.

I would find it strange... But then again I'm not a fan of alcohol.

I’m a fan of alcohol (well, I like a bit on occasion 🤷‍♀️) and I still find it strange..

Another fan of alcohol who finds it v strange. I just wonder what message it's giving the kids tbh.

I was not brought up in this country though have been here most of my adult life. The pearl clutching, the omg drinking during the week, the not around the children is really baffling. Alcohol is not evil. A glass of wine with a meal then finishing it as you go about your chores which just happen to be upstairs does not mean someone has a drinking problem. Omg the catastrophising(?) is too much on MN sometimes

@wolfiefan it's so sad that people live l
Ike that. The stoRise I've heard through my job are awfuL.
MaKes me so sad and angry at times.

I think it depends if he's already drunk or not. My dad drank way too much and was always pissed and it doesn't make for fun memories. I won't drink in front of my kids now, my husband won't either but unless someone is drunk I don't mind personally if they're having a drink. It's up to you where the line is. It's why we don't spend much time round my parents during Xmas as my dad gets raging drunk and loud and starts spewing inappropriate stuff and I just leave at that point.

I wouldn’t do it because I’d 100% spill it.

Is he having a beer at story time or is he taking his 6th beer with him for story time?

I don't see why it's necessary to take a beer with him but if he enjoys it then it's not a huge issue for me unless he's already drunk at bedtime, in which case he shouldn't be doing anything with the kids.