Aibu asking DH not to drink at kids bedtime

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DH drinks too much IMO, however I'm not bringing it up as I know how much of an argument that'll cause.
He tends to rake a bottle of beer in to the kids rooms whilst reading bedtime stories (8 and 6) aibu to raise it as an issue?

Why can't he just wait and have a beer in front of the telly after? Are there any positives to them smelling beer on his breath and seeing it as normal to be drinking every day?

Occasionally wouldn’t bother me but every night doesn’t set a great impression for the children

YANBU

If he cant do bedtime without a beer then he has an issue imo.

People and society normalise excessive and dependent alcohol consumption.

I would bother me, OP.

However if he's a heavy drinker, then he's going to be on the defensive anyway. So whether if it is his overall drinking or the drink at bedtime, he will likely blow up at you.

How much does he drink?

Having a beer whilst reading a bed time story isn't an issue, it's an issue if dad is always drinking and they see him pissed or whatever. No kid was mentally scarred because their dad had a beer.

So you need to say how much he drinks, to put it in context.

Oh gosh. I often have a glass of wine while putting kids to bed. I’d never even considered it as a problem!

YANBU. Now and then is fine, at the weekend or the odd night, but every night is not fine and it’s not normal. I had a similar situation and was the predictable regularity that bothered me. Children shouldn’t see one parent with a drink always in their hand. We had a serious chat, several in fact and eventually we agreed drinking at weekends only after the kids are in bed or if we were out for lunch/dinner. DH now agrees with me that it is better all round.

It's a big no from me

YANBU to have a problem with that. But if you already don’t dare discuss his drinking levels with him then he is unlikely to listen calmly and reasonably to your points about this specific bit of drinking.

Bloody hell, it's disgraceful IMO. Can he not wait til afterwards? Taking beer into the children's rooms just seems so desperate.

I just took a glass of wine upstairs while doing bath/story/bedtime for my 3. I do it probably 2/3 nights a week.

I don't really have any suggestions for you OP.
My ex used to do the exact same thing, it WAS part of a bigger drink problem with him. Bedtime went to pot quite a few times when it was spilt - weekends the worst. He'd drink a crazy amount, take the kids up to bed & rather than settling them he'd get them all worked up.

Note he's an ex - and the drink played a big part in us seperating.

People who don't live with problem drinkers tend to ask "but how much does he drink?". I live with a heavy drinker. He drinks too much. I don't need to justify or quantify how much he drinks to strangers on line (I don't even have to explain it to the others in the Al-Anon group I attend. Funnily enough nobody in that group has ever asked "but how much does he drink?".)

If his drinking causes issues in your family, then he's a problem drinker. And I would absolutely think my husband bringing a bottle of beer up to our kids' bedroom would be symptomatic of the much larger problem of his overall drinking.

Talking to him isn't going to change anything, OP. You can try, and it might work. But it's more likely he'll deny any problem. For yourself I think you should seek out a local Al-Anon meeting and attend. You will find out that your story is repeated many times in that room by many people.

Only a problem if he spills red wine all over dc bed and new carpet!!

Taking a drink upstairs to read a book at bedtime isn’t the issue though the problem is that your dh drinks too much generally and you are worried.

I'm with you Elbeagle quite often when DS was younger I would have a glass of wine on the go upstairs while doing bathtime/bedtime/story. Now at 15 not needed upstairs so just have the wine while watching telly Far too much pearl clutching IMO

The fact that the OP thinks her DH drinks too much is purely one sided. What is exactly too much in her opinion? As seen here one persons idea of normal is different than others.

I think if it was just a beer on the odd night while he put them to bed then fine, I wouldn’t bat an eyelid at DH doing that on a fri and/or Saturday night but every night along with general excessive drinking then I can see why you wouldn’t like it

Actually user1493413286 you are right. a few nights a week is ok but every night is no so good huh

I see the mumsnet alchies are out in force on this thread.

Of course it's a problem. Drinking whilst putting your school age children to bed is awful. Just awful.
It's not normal to drink on weeknights, let alone everyday. Your DH can't even wait till the kids are in bed.

Google al-anon

voddiekeepsmesane - something tells me you are going to have a much, much higher threshold for a 'normal' amount of drinking.

Drinking culture int he UK is dreadful, binge and dependent drinking is normalised despite the personal and societal harm it brings.

Depends how much he drinks other times, context is everything here

It's not normal to drink on weeknights

Why is drinking on a weeknight different to drinking on a weekend? Genuine question. I didn’t drink last night or the night before, but I had a glass of wine tonight and had 2 glasses last Wednesday. Why is it worse because it was a Wednesday and not a Saturday?
Completely agree that drinking every night is probably an issue, just get why drinking on a weeknight is worse than a weekend.

I think you've got this the wrong way around. The drink at bed time is fine. The heavy drinking generally is a problem.

I take a glass of wine up at bathtime or bedtime sometimes. I'm not a heavy drinker. I don't believe for a second that my moderate mostly-social drinking will damage my DC.

I’ll take a glass of wine upstairs in an evening when I’m spending time with the kids.
That’s not normal behaviour either.

Why is only "every night" a problem. My husband is an alcoholic (I think). He says he's a very heavy drinker rather than an alcoholic (in denial about the actual word!).

He doesn't drink every night. But he's still a heavy drinker/problem drinker/alcoholic. If someone says their partner drinks too much, their partner generally drinks too much.

What if a person only drank twice a week. But it was Friday from 3pm until 4:30am and again Saturday from 3pm until 4:30am. Every weekend. Would that be acceptable because it's only twice a week? Would that not be a problem because it's not every night?

I think it's strange behaviour. Certainly not ideal. It's a bedtime story, so presumably the kids will be going to sleep (or at least "lights out") within half an hour or so. Can't the drink wait that long? I'd have been uncomfortable with that, as a child, and I don't think it sets a good example.

The bigger issue is that you think he has a drinking problem. I don't know how you should go about bringing that up, OP, but if he has a genuine problem, it won't go away on its own. Good luck.