Aibu asking DH not to drink at kids bedtime

[Serendipitykj]

DH drinks too much IMO, however I'm not bringing it up as I know how much of an argument that'll cause.
He tends to rake a bottle of beer in to the kids rooms whilst reading bedtime stories (8 and 6) aibu to raise it as an issue?

My teetoal friend thinks I drink to much. I make a bottle of wine last all weekend (from Friday night) never drink in the week and get "drunk" about three times a year.

I drink more than she'd be comfortable with for herself, but her opinion is no more valid than mine. Just putting it out there for all the if you think he's drinking too much he is people.

I’m not saying that only ‘every night’ is a problem. Obviously the overall pattern of drinking is what makes someone an alcoholic, or alcohol dependant, or not. I’m just saying why is a weeknight any worse than the weekend? What if you work shifts? Just work weekends?
If you have a glass or 2 of wine a couple of nights a week, why is it worse if you drink them on a weeknight that if you drink them on a Friday or Saturday? My comment was directly in response to this...

It's not normal to drink on weeknights

MN has such a weird attitude to habitual drinking. Of course YANBU OP.

If his drinking causes issues in your family, then he's a problem drinker.

Not if he’s a moderate drinker and his wife/partner just doesn’t approve of anything other than a small sherry at Christmas. That would be her problem. It doesn’t make him a problem drinker. So yes, it’s perfectly reasonable to ask how much he drinks.

@TheBigFatMermaid
Such an ingenious idea isn’t it! Maybe DH would be more inclined to put DS to bed if I left a chilled bottle next to the nursing.

Seriously though, if it’s just 1 bottle then YABU.
And for all those kicking off, I can guarantee you’ll be on here at some point moaning that your husbands cheating because you’re a controlling wife

Depends how much you consider too much? I mean if he's polishing off 8 beers on a Tuesday and is taking them up to bed to read a story, yes an issue, but a single beer taking it up with him to finish whist reading a story what's the problem?

I sometimes take my glass of wine up with me to read a bedtime story, I rarely have more than a glass of wine though, ever. I got fed up of coming back down to warm wine after they'd gone to bed. I didn't really think of it as a thing to be honest.

Having a beer while reading stories is not a problem, if that is the only beer. It is the wider pattern that is problematic and needs addressing.

It's not normal to drink on weeknights

Oh don’t be ridiculous.

If he drinks more than 21 units a week, more than 5 units at a time or doesn’t have at least 2 alcohol free days a week it’s not a healthy drinking pattern.

It’s problem drinking if it is having a negative effect on any aspect of his/ your life.

Everyone has their own normal!
Not everyone works Monday to Friday, so people who have weekdays off see that ad their time to relax. Some people drink every day, some people only at weekend and some people never touch any.Each to their own.

Stop making people feel bad about it.

it depends, is it his first bottle of the night, relaxing and reading a story to the kids, or is it he can't leave his beer long enough to go read to them? Does he read to them every night?

I mean DH gets home at 6pm, takes the kids to bed with a bottle of beer after being at work all day and reads to them every night is a totally different story to DH is home all day, starts drinking at 2, reads to them once a week and cant leave his beer that long...

@ jemimafuddleduck - this is totally off topic but your name is what we christened MIL when she developed dementia.

(Dark humour is a valuable coping mechanism, before the pitchforks and torches come after me!)

I wouldn’t like Dp actively taking his beer into the bedroom to read a bedtime story, that just seems odd..he can’t wait half an hour or so, as others have said and head down and open a beer?
I grew up with a father who drank a lot..and I hated it, every single bit.
Dp drank a bottle of wine Fri night (I was on bedtime duty) and three glasses tonight (my turn for bedtime too) and I don’t love that tbh.

I sometimes take my glass of wine up with me to read a bedtime story, I rarely have more than a glass of wine though, ever. I got fed up of coming back down to warm wine after they'd gone to bed. I didn't really think of it as a thing to be honest.

And you couldn’t pour a glass of wine after the story because..

He shouldn't be drinking a beer in his children's bedroom whilst reading to them. Tell him if he must drink it's downstairs only. You're not unreasonable at all.

And you couldn’t pour a glass of wine after the story because

Well in my case this evening it was because I had a glass of wine with dinner at 6pm. So when I then took the DC up for a bath/story/bed at 6.30pm I took it with me, because I hadn’t finished it yet.

How much does he drink per day OP? We can't say if he drinks too much until we know this information?

It’s not an amount per day. It’s how it affects work, relationships etc.

I'm also quiet surprised how common this is. I would not be happy with it.

Again, as PP have said, we are a pretty much teetotal household, so this seems "un-normal" to me.

If OP feels its an issue, I hope they find a way to communicate this.

Alcohol issues played a large part in later childhood, which probably why I avoid it now. When something is a habit, it is difficult to see the harm it may do.

Blimey, I thought I knew some hardened alcoholics, but this takes the biscuit.

MN has such a weird attitude to habitual drinking. Of course YANBU OP.

This ^

Oh come off it Jux. I have 3/4 glasses of wine a week, maximum. One of which happened to be at bath/bed time tonight. Does that make me a hardened alcoholic?

@phoenixrosehere

And you couldn’t pour a glass of wine after the story because

Because a glass of wine would get in the way of my daily ritual of tea and a biscuit before bed once the kids are settled

I think it depends on how you grew up and attitude to booze. I had an alcoholic father so for me this would not have been as great a memory a I've seen here in these posts. I have ptsd from my childhood personally so I think u need to put bit of context here. Newcastle brown and the smell of stale beer is enough to trigger me. Depends a lot on your kids and what they've seen 👀

I see no problem with a drink while reading a bedtime story.
Here in France we are not ashamed of alcohol and try and drink in secret from our children.
I don’t understand this attitude of, no can’t have a drink the kids are still awake! Why? Why is it something to hide?
You are showing them alcohol is a naughty adult secret. It’s all shush shush no drink until they are asleep or you are a bad parent.
How silly. We don’t drink a lot, maybe have some wine with dinner some nights. Once in a awhile, take a glass upstairs for bedtime routine. So long as no one is getting tipsy/drunk who cares?
And beer? Beer is close to water it has so little alcohol in it.