Asking for £50 because she's being a b*tch.

[xAIBUx]

Ok, Backstory. My brother and his ex have been broken up for months, but she uses their child as a weapon. she sends him texts saying ''hes looking for you and crying'', ''i'll make sure he knows you abandoned him'' etc etc. He didn't, she threw him out. I'm not taking sides because i know my brother has his faults, but she DOES use the baby as a weapon.

Anyway, for nearly two months, I have planned for my son, niece and nephew to go to a profession photo studio and have photos done of all three grandkids for my dads 50th birthday. I made sure with the other mums if a certain date was acceptable before paying £55 for the booking. They both agreed. Fast forward two months and the photoshoot is Saturday.

My brothers are now refusing to let me and my mum take the baby for the photo shoot because she's claiming she forgot (even though last week i messaged her about what he was wearing) and saying shes booked something for her and her kids to go out for the day instead.

Im fuming, to say the least but dont want to argue so simply said if she isn't going to let me take the baby, fine, but she will need to pay me back £50 I've already paid because she agreed before I paid any money because now ill have to cancel.

She's refusing, but aibu to ask for my money back off her as I'll lose it when I cancel he appointment now. But again, i made sure with her and my nieces mum before paying anything and she said it was fine.

• my brothers ex is refusing. My brother isnt. sorry typo

You can ask, but how are you actually going to make her pay up?

You'll never get the money off her.

I'd go with the child that is available. Then you're not losing money for nothing. If she wants her kid left out thats up to her.

You won't get your money back.

There's obviously a lot of bitterness for whatever reason, so you need to distance yourself for now.

Yanbu but it’s highly unlikely she’ll ever pay you the £50.

You can ask, she won’t pay. Go without that child.

I would just go with the remaining children. There is no point inflaming this any further.

Why not use what you have paid for? Do the photoshoot with 2 of the 3 grandkids. It’s not the same thing, I know, but it’s still nice. You can ask for the money but 1) you will never get it and 2) you will just create more drama. Don’t feed this attention seeking behaviour. If she doesn’t want her child in the photos, that’s it.

You won't get your money back, so it's pointless asking. Take the DC you can to the photo shoot and leave them to it; you sound very over invested in their relationship.

I don’t think for one minute you are being unreasonable, however prepare yourself for not receiving it.

No, just message that it's a shame the bairns going to miss out and go anyway. That will have much more effect than playing into the drama she's craving by asking for money.

How often does he see the child? Just wondering if that feeds into the abandonment thing.

How old is the child. She might not feel comfortable letting you take them

Does you brother have access to the child at all? If so see if you can change the date to when he has the child. If that's not an option with the photographer then just go ahead with your kids and your niece. Tough shit if your nephew is left out. She's not going to play nice and it's unlikely you'll get the money from her, so it would be silly to lose the money by cancelling altogether.

You should still go and make sure to let her know you're going without her and Hwy in writing so you have proof for when she turns it against you in the future

Thanks for the replies.

I dont know ''how id make her pay'' that seems forceful, and i know she wont, but i was just wondering if i was being unreasonable by asking. and as for why not take the two other kids, i know i could, but there was a special reason behind the three going. As I said its my dads 50th birthday and he got a bit upset and emotional last year when he realised he didnt have a photo of all three grandkids together, so it was meant to be special, thats all.

Its heartbreaking shes acting this way just to hurt my brother and score points.

thanks for everyone's replies, at least i know now im not being unreasonable, but you're all right, i doubt she will pay, she just doesn't care about anyone but herself.

(and for any future comments about bitterness or taking sides, she was, until today, a really good friend of mine so i had nothing against her until shes hurt me like this)

You won't get the money, nor the picture of all the grandchildren you want. So take the ones who are available so you don't lose your money and explain to your dad. She's a cunt.

Also, your brother needs to apply to the court to get an order in place for regular contact. It's easy to do and he doesn't need a solicitor if he is able to represent himself. Perhaps then you can arrange things for all the children on his contact weekends.

Send her a message saying it’s such a shame birthday photo won’t include her child and how disappointed everyone is. Ask her if she’ll reconsider for grandparents sake

I wonder if there is a photo of the non attending grandchild that the photographer could "photo shop" in?

Just a thought.

Forget about the money frankly, I don't think that will be paid.

She only lets my brother see the kid on Saturdays when she is in a mood. when shes in a good mood she lets him see the kid whenever he wants. He adores his son, he would never abandon him. Its just her trying to hurt him, and as for feeling comfortable taking him, I often baby sit him so thats not an issue, hes about 1 and a half now. She was meant to be coming anyway so its not like I was going alone with all the kids.

I wouldn't ask her for the money. She's obviously bitter about it all.

Your brother should set up formal access to stop her using the baby as a pawn. Shame on all the many women who do this.

It only damages your child and leaves them wondering why dad didn't think they were worth it.

I understand your frustration... I bet she'd be the first saying her DS was left out of the photo.

You could consider photo shopping him on the pic

I know someone who actually did this for a milestone birthday photo. Only the ppl in the original photo knew it was photoshopped.

She only lets my brother see the kid on Saturdays when she is in a mood. when shes in a good mood she lets him see the kid whenever he wants

You can knock all that uncertainty on the head with a court order.

Have you asked her if you can take her ds? Or if she would come with you? You say she is/ was a really good friend. For the sake of the family, I’d not burn that bridge if you can help it.