Asking for £50 because she's being a b*tch.

[xAIBUx]

Ok, Backstory. My brother and his ex have been broken up for months, but she uses their child as a weapon. she sends him texts saying ''hes looking for you and crying'', ''i'll make sure he knows you abandoned him'' etc etc. He didn't, she threw him out. I'm not taking sides because i know my brother has his faults, but she DOES use the baby as a weapon.

Anyway, for nearly two months, I have planned for my son, niece and nephew to go to a profession photo studio and have photos done of all three grandkids for my dads 50th birthday. I made sure with the other mums if a certain date was acceptable before paying £55 for the booking. They both agreed. Fast forward two months and the photoshoot is Saturday.

My brothers are now refusing to let me and my mum take the baby for the photo shoot because she's claiming she forgot (even though last week i messaged her about what he was wearing) and saying shes booked something for her and her kids to go out for the day instead.

Im fuming, to say the least but dont want to argue so simply said if she isn't going to let me take the baby, fine, but she will need to pay me back £50 I've already paid because she agreed before I paid any money because now ill have to cancel.

She's refusing, but aibu to ask for my money back off her as I'll lose it when I cancel he appointment now. But again, i made sure with her and my nieces mum before paying anything and she said it was fine.

@Changeembrace - Im sorry but i dont think your comment is relevant to this post as I explained in the original post that I paid for it because it was a special gift for my dad and in comments ive made in response to other replies until today she was a good friend of mine so i had no need to worry about her behaviour, but thank you for taking the time to reply :)

@itsgettingweird - that wasnt the point and i dont even know if we are still going, im going to discuss it with my mum but i see your point and thank you for the comment :)

Get the photo done without your nephew. But...

Brace yourself for her potentially claiming that her DC has been 'left out' of the photo. Things can never be bloody straightforward.

@Zaphodsotherhead Yeah, i see what you mean :) thank you for the reply and advice :) its something to consider :)

@virginpinkmartini oh yes, im sure that will come up, but i have all the proof that its not the case (messages and texts). And she is the first person who will claim that as any little problem,she goes right to facebook and posts something publically for attention, but as I say, I have the messages so, we'll see :)

You're ethically in the right, but she won't care, so don't humiliate & demean yourself by asking again. She obviously doesn't want the photos done with you, you haven't a legal hope in hell of seeing 'her hare' of the money, so what is the point of asking again?

If she's as nasty as you feel she is, she'll get a kick out of you asking for something she is refusing to give you.

If she can forget things so can you. I'd be turning up at her house on Saturday nice as pie claiming I forgot she'd 'arranged something else' and wanting to take child to the photographers.

Why are you arranging shit on my brothers day anyway? would likely be asked, if it was me.

But all very nice and playing the 'oh silly me I forget well, I'm here now aren't I' card.

*She only lets my brother see the kid on Saturdays when she is in a mood.
How come she's the one calling all the shots?

He adores his son, he would never abandon him
Then he needs to get his arse in gear & sort out court ordered access arrangements, so that his ex can no longer use their child as a pawn.
The inconsistency alone is not good for the boy.
Why is DB allowing it to happen?

Yanbu but she probably won't pay you and you can't make her so I would not bother asking

It’s a shame she couldn’t just think of the photo shoot as a lovely long for her child’s grandad instead of being nasty about it . Unfortunately there’s so many people in the world who do use everything and anything to point score , I doubt she’ll ever change . I hope you went ahead and did the shoot and had a lovely time doing it and get some wonderful photos out of it , I’m sure grandad will love and cherish them . I do however think your brother should get something formal by way of contact order etc so he has regular contact with his son , it’s so much better for the children involved in breakups to know that they will see the absent parent regularly. Good luck xx

I would accept that you need to do it without her child.
It is a shame but I think I would just carry on with it - it will still
be a nice gift

haven't a legal hope in hell of seeing 'her hare' of the money
Ggggrrrr - 'her share, obvs!

Just a thank you once more to everyone.Im sorry if I havent responded to your comments but I have read every one. I havent replied to certain ones as i dont want to get involved with my brothers legal business, but I do thank everyone for all messages.

I will update this thread with the outcome :)

I'll still be reading any new replies and I'll probably comment back is anyone gets a bit sassy, lol, but I hope you all have a good sunday evening! :)

Why not remind her how much the little boy's Grandad loves him and wants a photo of all three grandchildren together? Point out that if one was left out, it would look as if he was less important.

But whether she lets her son take part or not, I would go to the photoshoot with your own child and his other cousin. You've paid anyway (you'll never get the money back from your brother's ex) and you'll have some lovely photos.

Up to her if she wants to disappoint grandad. She's obviously not smart enough to work out that grandparents can be very helpful.

Well she's shown you her true colours now hasn't she - and lost a babysitter in the process.

Contact the photographer explain the situation And next time you babysit your nephew then arrange the photo for then, she doesn’t need to know about it until after the event. She’s just trying to control the situation.

I have an ex sister in law like that though the children are older and have been brain washed into thinking our family are all against them It’s heartbreaking for my mum who misses her grandchildren.

Aw I'm really sorry that she has turned your nice kind thoughtful idea into a nasty argument.

Hope you work things out x

I baby sit all three of her kids over night because she likes to go on nights out.

I know you've said you won't babysit again but I would be tempted to do one more time then "forget" and have other plans. (Not really but it would give me great pleasure imagining it!)

Go with a breezy "OK. It's a shame (child) will be left out of the grandchild picture but never mind"

Why are you asking your brother's ex for money? It's not her dad's birthday it's yours and your brothers, so he should've paid

@VenusTiger _ please read the actual post and then comment. my brother has nothing to do with it and i explain clearly why id ask her for the money. thanks.

I would baby sit again and invite the other grandchildren over for dinner then same night. Then take some photos with your phone. It wont be the same as a formal shot, but might be even cuter. You could even get some matching hats or accessories to make it a bit more coordinated iyswim.

There are 2 sides to every story. My children haven't seen their paternal family in years. If you spoke to a member of his family I am sure they would tell you what an awful person I was. But the reality is he refused to work with me to sort out a timetable, repeatedly failed to turn up and was abusive (continuation of behaviour when we were in a relationship). His mother would ask to take them out and then I would receive a phone call from him threatening to murder both children. So I cut all ties.

Okay, I'll word it differently, could you not have arranged this via your brother so he had baby on said date.

Even better, have your Dad over for dinner too and take the photo of them all sitting with him.

For the people assuming; I paid for the booking. if it happened/is happening, I am paying the full amount myself. it is my gift to my dad. My nephew's mother wasnt meant to pay anything nor is my nieces. I paid AFTER both mothers confirmed that the children could go. Now, my brother's ex is refusing to let me nephew come. So if we dont go, I'd lose the booking money which is £50 which is why id ask her to pay me back for it as its her who has thrown a spanner in the works.

I haven't asked or would expect her to pay for it if it went ahead.but shes playing games. Please read the actual post (and my replies to other comments) before assuming things. Thanks :)

@VenusTiger - No. I arranged it with the mother because she was meant to be coming with us. Shes just being difficult now. Thank you for the comments.