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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Asking for £50 because she's being a b*tch.

103 replies

xAIBUx · 19/01/2020 16:51

Ok, Backstory. My brother and his ex have been broken up for months, but she uses their child as a weapon. she sends him texts saying ''hes looking for you and crying'', ''i'll make sure he knows you abandoned him'' etc etc. He didn't, she threw him out. I'm not taking sides because i know my brother has his faults, but she DOES use the baby as a weapon.

Anyway, for nearly two months, I have planned for my son, niece and nephew to go to a profession photo studio and have photos done of all three grandkids for my dads 50th birthday. I made sure with the other mums if a certain date was acceptable before paying £55 for the booking. They both agreed. Fast forward two months and the photoshoot is Saturday.

My brothers are now refusing to let me and my mum take the baby for the photo shoot because she's claiming she forgot (even though last week i messaged her about what he was wearing) and saying shes booked something for her and her kids to go out for the day instead.

Im fuming, to say the least but dont want to argue so simply said if she isn't going to let me take the baby, fine, but she will need to pay me back £50 I've already paid because she agreed before I paid any money because now ill have to cancel.

She's refusing, but aibu to ask for my money back off her as I'll lose it when I cancel he appointment now. But again, i made sure with her and my nieces mum before paying anything and she said it was fine.

OP posts:
QueenOfTheFae · 19/01/2020 17:13

She only lets my brother see the kid on Saturdays when she is in a mood. when shes in a good mood she lets him see the kid whenever he wants. He adores his son, he would never abandon him. Its just her trying to hurt him, and as for feeling comfortable taking him, I often baby sit him so thats not an issue, hes about 1 and a half now.

If your brother only has him on a Saturday, then why are you babysitting so often?
Your brother needs to go to court and get proper access

QueenOfTheFae · 19/01/2020 17:13

Sorry read that wrong, he sees him more, but I still think he should get proper access

Original poster
xAIBUx · 19/01/2020 17:15

@mummyoflittledragon - Yeah, i tried ringing her but she wont answer, I messaged her and asked what was wrong etc etc and shes just outright saying that shes not going to cancel their day because she forgot about the photoshoot. I've tried reasoning with her and saying how special it is and stuff. As she was a friend I've always said Im not taking sides and im not getting involved and that hasnt ever been an issue. i dont want to burn bridges, im just upset. She was meant to be coming with us anyway so all the kids would be entertained with one adult each if that makes sense

OP posts:
DeltaFlyer · 19/01/2020 17:16

I wouldn't mention it again apart from a message to say we will be there at x time at x place if you change your mind but definitely don't push her.
She probably wants the attention of you asking her about it and trying to persuade her.
As pp say take the other 2 children as planned and she can turn up if she chooses. If not you can still have a nice photo if your son and his cousin.
Keep the messages as proof of an invite however just in case she tries to use it against you.
In regards to the money I know it sucks but asking for it could become a problem for your brother so maybe best to just leave it.

Original poster
xAIBUx · 19/01/2020 17:17

@QueenOfTheFae I baby sit all three of her kids over night because she likes to go on nights out. Im not judging her choices, but thats why i baby sit so often. :)

OP posts:
Original poster
xAIBUx · 19/01/2020 17:18

Thanks again for all the replies and advice everyone

OP posts:
diddl · 19/01/2020 17:20

Is she pissed off because her other kids aren't included?

If you can't get it done with this GC, then surely it's pointless doing it?

It's shit that she is now saying that she has something else planned, but really your brother needs to step up so that it works for his dad imo.

TheFormidableMrsC · 19/01/2020 17:20

I baby sit all three of her kids over night because she likes to go on nights out. Im not judging her choices, but thats why i baby sit so often

I'd be knocking that on the head. If your brother had proper, court ordered contact, she could have every other weekend for her nights out couldn't she? She's controlling your brother, this situation and you. Just stop it, it's not OK.

PuppyClub · 19/01/2020 17:20

There is a guy I've seen on Facebook who does pencil (or computer animated to look like pencil) drawings. He uses photos of individuals and puts them together so if you could find up to date photos of the three children you could get your dad a picture that way.
The pictures are really good and people were getting deceased grandparents drawn with new babies etc.

sonjadog · 19/01/2020 17:22

Could you play the game back with her? What would she not want her son to miss out on? I.e. "It´s a shame he is not in the photos because I was going to make the whole family a calendar of them and now it will be of all the other children except him" or similar?

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 19/01/2020 17:23

Stop babysitting. Your brother can mind the baby when she has a night out. He also needs to go to court for a formal arrangement.

hazell42 · 19/01/2020 17:24

Well, you can ask as much as you like.
You wont be getting it, and I think you know that, so it's a bit pointless really.
My advice for the future, never pick a fight you can't win

WeMarchOn · 19/01/2020 17:26

I would stop babysitting often if she can't compromise

Bluetrews25 · 19/01/2020 17:26

Can you contact the photographer and postpone the booking? They might be happy to wait. Then you can take them all later or decide on a different grouping.

Original poster
xAIBUx · 19/01/2020 17:28

Her two kids were invited, but she said no because they aren't biologically grandkids. Thats her choice. My parents adore them and for the past 5 years (that my brother and her were together and even this year at Christmas when they weren't together) the treat them no different to the other three. All three kids have different dads, but on the weekends one is away but the other two aren't, they are often over at my parent's house, so none ever get left out.

My brother has tried, but its no use. We went shopping together and the whole time she was messing my brother about getting his stuff. when he said ok, we'll come get it, she then changed her tune and said if he goes to the house she will call the police. Its honestly just games now. I feel so sorry for my brother, he loves his son and the other two kids, but shes making it impossible. He is going to take legal advice on this now, but thats his business so dont want to get it into it :)

@PuppyClub - oo thanks for letting me know, I'll have a look :)

OP posts:
letmebefrank · 19/01/2020 17:29

I'd be stopping the babysitting, too, and tell her so.

But she's not going to cover the costs, so take your two to the photographer and have some lovely family photos taken. The photos will still be loved. Tell her you'll all still be going since otherwise it's throwing money away and how disappointed granddad will be. Tell her she's still welcome to bring the baby. She may change her mind. But don't ask her again.

Original poster
xAIBUx · 19/01/2020 17:31

@hazell42. I didnt pick this fight, she did. Im not even fighting, but thanks for the advice :)

OP posts:
Original poster
xAIBUx · 19/01/2020 17:33

im not babysitting anymore, dont worry :)

OP posts:
NameChangeNugget · 19/01/2020 17:34

She sounds vile

Fanniesyeraunt · 19/01/2020 17:38

She is obviously only doing this to be vindictive, it’s a power play on her part.
The only way you will possibly get anywhere is to remind her your reasons for wanting to do it and how it would mean a lot to your dad. Tell her about your dad getting emotional. If she still refuses She is obviously a nasty piece of work and I don’t see why you would want to carry on having a relationship with someone like that.

WaxOnFeckOff · 19/01/2020 17:41

She sounds horrible and you wont get the money, however much it's justified. I'd message her just saying that's shame as it would have been nice to have a professional photo done - (would the studio maybe have taken some individual ones to choose from too?) and that however much bad blood there is between her and your DB, none of that is your or your Mum and Dads or the babies fault. Finish up with it's such a shame that you'll have to go ahead with just the other DC.

People like that feed off threats and unreasonable-ness, the only way is to appeal to their own selfish-ness and make out she is missing something.

Purpletigers · 19/01/2020 17:42

Take the baby for a photograph the next time your brother has him . I’m sure you could find a photographer at relatively short notice .

Changeembrace · 19/01/2020 17:42

You knew this woman was behaving like this and yet you trusted she’d pay you back?Confused

itsgettingweird · 19/01/2020 17:45

Just get a photo of your niece and ds.

You are going to have to pay the money anyway.

Zaphodsotherhead · 19/01/2020 17:51

Get the photo of the two kids you can get. Find a really nice pic of your DBs child and either get someone knowledgeable to photo shop them into the picture (it's entirely possible and looks really good if you find the right person to do it) or frame the pic of DB's child separately and give your dad both pictures together but in the same frame (one of those ones hinged in the middle that open out, if you see what I mean).

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