Teacher DH and after school childcare

[goteam]

Currently in a frustrating situation. I got a promotion before Christmas for a rare 3 day a week senior manager job at work. I was ready for it as have been there 5 years but the new role involves more meetings and less home based flexible work. This is fine, there is after school provision for DC (5 and 7) but since I started the kids have had one illness after another, hand foot and mouth, cold virus, D&V bug, ankle fracture requiring hospital visits and while some of this was over Christmas where DH could help, there have been GP and hospital visits, most of which I have been able to arrange on my days off but not always.

But here's the thing. DH runs an after school sports club one day a week after school which means he isn't home until 6.30. DC with the broken ankle has had two non changeable hospital visits on this day with more to come and DH isn't even considering stopping this afterschool club. He isn't paid extra and admirably doesn't want to let the kids down or the parents who use it for free childcare (fair enough, you would wouldn't you?!) AIBU to expect that since he is often home late anyway ther evenings due to parents evening etc, he stops running this club as valuable as it is for kids in a deprived borough and focus on support at home? I have been doing a job below my ability and qualification level for 5 years so I could be with the kids more and support him doing a job he lives but I feel the extra curricular stuff takes the proverbial a bit.

I do have 2 week days off so not sure if aibu but term time drop offs and pick ups are completely down to me.

Last week on the day DH runs the club I was rushing back from hospital via 2 buses with a child on crutches to get the other one from after school club in time after our hospital appointment ran an hour over and I just think ffs, there are 2 parents here, why isn't DH prioritising us, especially after my promotion and this run of illness and injuries....

The other point is the conflation between 'directed time' - ie when someone can TELL me to work - and 'hours paid for'. As teaching is not an hourly paid profession, but a salaried one, this distinction is important - in the same way as a manager in an organisation, or a doctor, is not expected to arrive at 9 and leave at 5 on the dot every day if the requirements of the organisation dictate, not is a teacher only expected to work their directed hours.

My husband starts at school at 7:15, he generally works through lunch, he attends meetings after school as well as marking. He used to not come home till around 7pm. His contract clearly states 35 hrs a week. He's lost pupil support for severely challenged kids and regularly spends his break and ccr time with the kids. The past 4 weeks ccr has been spent escorting kids to swim classes. Add in discos, school clubs, school fairs, school trips it takes its toll. It hit a wall with his health my health and my job (nhs contract changed). He now gets up at 5am and does his prep so he can get home early when needed. Now he can be home for 4pm so he can be there for his own kids. Teaching is what it is just as nursing is, it always goes over the contract, but there needs to be a balance. You get no more thanks for it at the end of the day. My main point was that Op husband can easily change things around for a few weeks to ensure he's there for his other child.

Teaching is an hourly rate in the uk, it has to be to adjust for part time posts, pension contributions, tax, national insurance, parental leave, job share and sick pay. Any job adverts state the hourly rate and pay scale.

zombie that sounds tough. DH ends up taking on extras like that too. I'm not sure getting up at 5 is the answer for us as it's meetings and clubs that is keeping DH late rather than marking which he brings home. I agree he needs to change things around. The thing is he is tired and grumpy, being short with us and will never admit that the extras at work are taking their toll but blame our kids getting up early or housework etc (which I do most of but quietly and without announcing it like DH who kind of plays the martyr). Oh dear. We do have some issues to work through.

I should say he is a little bit of a martyr about the extra curricular things he has to do at work even though some of them he volunteers for. He has organised trips abroad etc too and it is to give opportunities to deprived kids but he is still choosing to do it.

I think you’re focusing on the wrong issue. Him doing a club on a night when you’re not working shouldn’t be a problem. Him not doing any of the other childcare is a problem.

I teach. I can’t physically drop the kids at their school and be on time to mine so DH does all the drop offs... BUT I do all of the pick ups (from after school club, which finishes at 5, or my mum’s, twice a week). This means I have to plan my week carefully - stay late on the nights mum has the kids (or, in your case, when you’re not working) but leave earlier on the nights they’re at after school club. Surely he should be doing the same? If you do every morning drop off and collect on the nights you’re not working, and he does the after school club pick ups, would that seem fairer?

not is a teacher only expected to work their directed hours

"Expected" is not instructed. Teachers only have to work their directed hours. All the extra classes/after school clubs (unpaid) are teachers being frankly, bloody stupid. Every time a teacher does this, they make it harder for others who don't want to do unpaid work.

Sadly I see this a lot with couples where one is a teacher. There seems to be so little flexibility and a lot of unwritten extras.

Sadly I see this a lot with couples where one is a teacher. There seems to be so little flexibility and a lot of unwritten extras.

I've only ever seen it with couples where the man is a teacher. I've never known a female teacher with children who didn't do most of the childcare dropoffs and pickups. I've noticed that when women are teachers everyone tells them how great it is that their job will fit in so well with their kids - school holidays off, etc - but people don't say this to male teachers. DH is going down to four days a week in September and when I've told friends they look confused and say 'will the school let him do that?' even though most of the female teachers we know work part-time and it seems to be assumed they will after children.

Agree entirely with pp.
We had an injured dc recently and both had to take time off to look after him. My school were fine. Dh's school asked if I (woman, teacher) could not do the pick up that he (man, teacher) was asking for time off to do.

@Zombiemum1946 I'm a former teacher. You get paid on a scale I just googled teacher vacancies and the first ad I clicked on had this

Immediate start. Teaching salaries in range £24,098 up to £39,329 fte* • teaching salaries are based on qualifications and experience and will be within the Sixth Form College's Teachers' pay scale range.

No mention of an hourly rate. In my experience you get pro data proportionate to your days worked not an hourly rate but I stopped teaching in 2013

@LisaSimpsonsbff I'm a specialist SEN teacher working ft. There is no flexibility whatsoever in the hours I work and I have two boys ages 9 and 12.

My primary school boy gets taken to school and collected from school every day by his grandparents and I am incredibly lucky they are willing to do that. We moved to the same village to make this easier.

I have zero physical contact with school as of course my working day starts before school time and finishes after it ends. It kills me I can never attend an assembly, sports day, or any event within the normal school day.

My eldest is at secondary. My fiancé (his stepdad) takes him to school every day and then he waits as long as he needs to after school until I can collect him. Fortunately my school is pretty near his.

Teaching/working in school isn't really "family friendly" at all. Yes an advantage is we get the holidays. However, teaching very rarely allows for flexibility in the way that quite a few other jobs can and do.

For example, my fiancé works in adult social care. They don't mind at all if he is a little late in as doing school runs and will allow him to leave early for pick-ups if needed. A lot of working parents are allowed time off for things like the odd school event.

If he needs time for medical appointments; again - not a problem.

I've been in education about 15 years and it's never afforded flexibility like that!