Would you have a baby at 45?

[84wood]

Hello

I am considering having another baby. We’ve already got a lovely DC who’s 5 and we’ve really enjoyed being parents. I had a trouble free pregnancy and had my child privately so I’m lucky to know all the best doctors and units. I’m also in very good health. It would be a bit of a financial struggle as DC is in a private school but not impossible. How would you feel? Would you try?
Thanks so much for reading and for any advice.

I would if I was starting out on the motherhood journey and I'd done all the career, travelling/evenings out type stuff first.

Mine will be 19 and 15 by the time I'm 45. I cannot imagine starting again with a baby at that point! I'm hoping for a lot more freedom/career/travelling focus by that stage.

No. I'm 37. 35 weeks pregnant and bloody shattered. No way I'm doing it again and it's been a straightforward pregnancy and no complications.

Yes I would. I had my second at 43.

Nope, I had my last at 40 and I'm bloody exhausted at 55 working full time with a 15 year old who wants ferrying everywhere in the evenings and weekends.

I couldn't imagine being 60 and doing it. Teenagers are quite tiring in general, even the ones that don't push the boundaries like my dd didn't.

Also at 55 with a teen it's even more exhausting with dd at uni and the frequent trips back and forth to pick up/drop off.

I personally wouldn't as mine would be teens but since you have a 5 year old you'd not be completely starting again. Could you look at IVF to check the embryos are genetically sound as that would greatly increase your chances.

No, not at 45. The difference between how you feel at 45 and how you feel at 50 or whenever the menopause hits is immense.

I’m almost 41, I’d love another baby but I had a miscarriage last year which was really difficult and given the high chance of another miscarriage and the increased risk of abnormalities, I decided it isn’t sensible for me to consider.
I’m now focusing on the freedom I’ll gain later on life. But I do still long for a baby.

No chance
Not for its sake, my existing children and my own

I have found working with teenagers and having teenage dc to be completely different - the former in no way prepared me for the latter.

I had my kids at 32 and 36 and I worked out that if my kids ever have their own children in early 30s, I’ll be 70!!!! It makes me really sad thinking about it actually. My mum and dad help so much with kids but the reality is they were young when their first grandchild was born.

Absolutely I would have done.

Lots of people might feel regret when they decide not to have another child - a feeling of “I won’t have another newborn, toddler etc ever again”. It doesn’t matter your age. I had my last child at 35 and felt it. It marks a passing of a certain stage of your life.

Not a chance.

I had two DC in my 20s and then another two in my (early) 30’s and my god it was physically exhausting.

In my late 30s I really struggled to come to terms with the fact that I wouldn’t have more DC but now in my 40s I’m so grateful we didn’t go for another.

I probably would if it’s what I wanted, you only get one life and I think I’d regret not trying.

If I didn’t already have a child, and I really wanted one, I would. But I do have a child so I understand what it would mean to my life in terms of turning up upside down work wise etc, so I personally wouldn’t.

Why not if you want to? Go for it. Your choice. I am biased though as I had my second 6 weeks before turning 45. Despite the doomsayers, we are all thriving

For me no personally.

Those saying "mine will be an adult when I'm 45" do you realise you sound a little insufferable? We would all ideally like to have kids at a certain age; some of us couldn't.

The thing is though it’s not just pregnancy and childbirth which are really tough in your body you then have to bring them up too. The first few years are brutal. I had mine at 34 and 36 (I’m 38 now) and I absolutely would not have another one. I’m in good health but my god I’m so tired all the time.

My mum had us when she was early twenties and my sister early 30s. She said there was definitely a difference.

Have you considered adopting a child?

One word menopause!!! You will be heading towards that with a little one!! I seriously wouldn't.

me no.

You? The biggest problem is that you think your money has anything to do with it! No "best unit" with flowers and atendance is going to rejuvenate your body.
...unless you could have a live-in nanny maybe? Do you have that level of income? If so your child might be a bit more cushioned from your age.

I mean a child slightly younger than your child, not a baby.

I am 45. The answer is No. I already have 2 (both of school age), but even if I had had only one, the answer would have still be No. Even if I could afford it (which I/we don't). No way I could go back to looking after a baby now, running after a toddler, deal with nursery/childminder -related stuff. But this is me, if you feel that this is what you and your partner want, that you are up to it, go for it.

I wouldn’t, I say this as a child born to parents in their 40’s, my parents are now in their 80’s, neither smoke nor drink and were in pretty good health until a year ago. I now spend part of every day dealing with issues for them, I don’t grudge it at all but it makes life very hard and puts an emotional strain on my family. They have been divorced for years but live quite close to each other, I live a three hour drive away and am making that journey frequently along with the daily phone calls, organising every thing, most days off work are spent making that drive. My children are teenagers and I have a very supportive husband so I’m able to do that, if I had young children it wouldn’t be possible and I honestly have no idea what would happen. One parent is now having to sell the house they have lived in for fifty years to move closer to me to provide the care they need. I don’t think my situation is at all unusual, it’s sad but it’s the reality.