Would you have a baby at 45?

[84wood]

Hello

I am considering having another baby. We’ve already got a lovely DC who’s 5 and we’ve really enjoyed being parents. I had a trouble free pregnancy and had my child privately so I’m lucky to know all the best doctors and units. I’m also in very good health. It would be a bit of a financial struggle as DC is in a private school but not impossible. How would you feel? Would you try?
Thanks so much for reading and for any advice.

No

I wouldn't. 40 was my cut off point.

I'm with mamaduck
I was an after though, my parents felt old and out of touch, I worried about their health constantly, my kids only have 1 grandparent left, I had no grandparents growing up. My friends thought my dad was my grandad.

I wouldn’t, I had my kids young, I really enjoyed it, I was a stay at home mum I loved the baby stage, the toddler groups, nursery the, Primary school, absolutely loved it BUT
I neglected to think about the teenage/young adult years
They are now 23, 22 and17 all living at home, we have a 4 bedroom house but I feel closed in/claustrophobic with basically 5 adults in 1 house, the teenage is a nightmare for arguments, tantrums and sulking, everyone’s coming and going at different times, the house is chaotic and the washing, cleaning and housework are like the Severn bridge/Groundhog Day, I really couldn’t face this in my 60’s sorry

No. I wouldnt even have them over 35

No I wouldn't sorry. Firstly you need to be realistic that your fertility goes down sharply once you turn about 35, so getting pregnant in the first place at 45 would probably be tricky. Then the risks to both Mum and baby are going to be quite high for complications. And if you assume your own health is likely to be poor when you get to about 70, which is pretty common, you could potentially be saddling someone in their late teens / 20's with their whole life ahead of them with the stress of looking after an elderly parent, and having to bury their own parents whilst they are still young.

I know a man who had a chid in his mid-50's. Tragically he had dementia and became very aggressive and had to move into a home when he got to about 70. The poor kid was still just 15 years old and completely overwhelmed and confused by the whole thing.

I've just had DD2 at 37 and I can honestly say that I wouldn't. I'm already conscious of the fact that I am older.

OP I would be slightly cautious at taking too much from other people's views. Everyone is different and it's very hard if you had your children at a younger age to imagine going back to the baby stage.

I think the key things are (a). How you would manage the age gap - 5/6 and then a baby is not the easiest of gaps although eldest can be helpful with a baby; (b) your financial security especially if you would be reliant on being in full time employment into your 60's.

I had my youngest (of 3), whose now a toddler, at 41. I work a 60 hour week, do charity work and spend a lot of time hanging out with my kids. But I don't (and never have) slept lots, it's really down to your personal circumstances and how you feel. My parents in their mid 79's also play an active role, but of course we will face the possibility of their decline which does sadden me

Lots of women seem to have serious health problems in their 60's. Look at Madonna I know her twins are young, she was fit as a fiddle, she is in an awful way.

I think it’s extremely selfish to have children so late in life. The likelihood of you being dead by the time they have even married or had children significantly increases. The amount of pressure on young adults to care for older parents is huge.

It’s highly unpopular to say so I know; but there are reasons why peak fertility is much earlier in life. My father had us in his late 20s, and did the whole second family starting in his 50s and I feel extremely sorry for my half siblings who deal with an exhausted old man rather than the energetic man who was able to build us go karts and run around all day (before he turned into an abusive wanker, but I digress).

No. I was 36 and dh 47 when dd was born. He will be retiring about the time she goes (hopefully) to Uni. I already worry about leaving her alone far too early.

I've had two friends who had children at 46 and one of them had another surprise baby at 48. I had mine at 39 and 41 and feel positively young in comparison.

Yes, I am more tired than a younger mum, but we also have more financial security.

Yes, there are some higher health risks for the babies but some lower risks too. I read evidence that there is a higher miscarriage rate in older mums, because the body is less tolerant, and therefore there is a slightly lower rate of disabled babies born.

There is a lot of scaremongering about, but remember that Victorian women regularly gave birth throughout their forties. The risks of maternal and child death were high whether you were young or old and not related to the mothers age.

Wait- whats wrong with Madonna? I love madge

No. The high chance of going through the heartache of miscarriage/s and the relatively low chance of emerging with a baby at the other end would deter me, I think. Not sure I could cope with that.

Being able to afford private school doesn’t mean you should have a baby. That doesn’t equal a great life for a child. Think of being at their Uni graduation, almost 70, surrounded by their friends parents in their 40s. My cousin had a baby at 48 with a woman a bit younger. All fun and games but he’s now 69 with arthritis and a 21 yr old who goes on holiday with his friends family every year and skis, kayaks etc. how do you think his dad feels about this ? Not good !

Personally, I wouldn't!

My kids range from 11-23 and I'm not 40 yet so couldn't imagine having a child at 45 when my youngest would be about 17...but it's your choice and nobody else's business.

No, I am nearly 45 and cannot imagine having to start with nappies again. You may be healthy now but that can change very quickly the older you get.

Go for it. My cousin had her first at 41 and second at 44. It's a London / rich / posh thing to have them later in my experience.

I think everyone has their own personal cutoff, mine being 37. Our family is no stranger to older parents my nan had my mum at 40, my mum had my sister also at 40 (an "oops" after having my brother and I in her 20s!) and another relative became a mum at 46 (ivf) her husband was 52. The relative who was 46 had tried for children for over 20 years so they were very wanted children (twins). Were they too old, well yes they were, but it wasn't them deciding to start at 45, they started trying at 23! Their children are 10 now and the parents are the same age as many grandparents in the playground. They also didn't get to meet 3/4 of their grandparents as they had already died which is very sad.

I think it's too old, but many will disagree.

No, unless I had no other children. I think the risks involved when you already have children are too great. The risks to your own health that you need to maintain to look after your children and the risks of having a child with problems that could curtail the lives of your existing children . I would risk it if I didn't have any children. I think the chance of having a child if you don't already have one is worth it at any age.

No. I'd got enough kids at that age.

My sister had her second child at 45 . It wasn't through choice, it was an 'accident' but considering she had had a couple of miscarriages and a termination due to chromosomal abnormality before that, she was amazed. She adores her and wouldn't be without her, but it's been hard.
It depends how much you really want a child.

Hell no. But a friend of mine did and she’s very happy.

I’d be worried about disabilities at that age, and messing up comfortable family life.

I wouldn’t. But that is just me because I am exhausted and I struggled with pregnancy at 38.
I don’t, however, agree with the whole “your children will be this age when you are that age..”
I lost a parent young, anything can happen.

whats wrong with Madonna? I love madge Her health is really bad, she is in agony with her bones and needs a stick to get around she had to cancel all her concerts.