Would you have a baby at 45?

[84wood]

Hello

I am considering having another baby. We’ve already got a lovely DC who’s 5 and we’ve really enjoyed being parents. I had a trouble free pregnancy and had my child privately so I’m lucky to know all the best doctors and units. I’m also in very good health. It would be a bit of a financial struggle as DC is in a private school but not impossible. How would you feel? Would you try?
Thanks so much for reading and for any advice.

Charming. So anyone who points out the drawbacks, largely based on their own personal experience, is an idiot?

But it isn't based on personal experience of the OP's situation is it? It's based on I have teens and don't want a baby, I have enough to deal with in life. The OP doesn't have teens which is a totally different situation.

OP you had a child at 40 and ff you’re fit and healthy and want another, think like Jagger you'll be 30 yrs younger go for it and ignore the fear mongering hypocrites on here !!

^^I agree with this. The weirdness is the handwringing that at 41 cos you had one then it's fine but at 45 😮. Yes there are disadvantages to later motherhood but they apply to all older mothers not just someone who is a couple of years older than the other 'average' older mothers.

Hell no! I’m 32 and I have a 5 year old and 2 year old and I’m done. We had a smaller, cheaper wedding so we could crack on TTC. I personally wanted to be done by the time was 30. Can’t imagine having kids in my 40s when it’s this tiring now!

Yes I would.

But it isn't based on personal experience of the OP's situation is it? It's based on I have teens and don't want a baby, I have enough to deal with in life. The OP doesn't have teens which is a totally different situation.

I feel like I (and other posters) are screaming from the rooftops and still people aren't listening.

I, and other PPs, were the children of older parents. I think our experience of what it was like to grow up with a large generation gap, to worry about parents health and eventually deal with their illness and death when we're still young ourselves is relevant. That's if OP cares about the wellbeing of the future child, which I assume she does.

I agree that comments like "no because I had mine in my 20s" are pointless, but there are many other types of response here too.

It s not advisable to have a baby at 45.
It is too old and it is selfish.

Are you a gynaecologist?

It was pretty normal for women to have babies at this age back in the days before contraception and the average life span for women has gone up about 20 years since then so how is it selfish?

Before contraception it was also fairly normal to have 8 or more kids. And for whole families to live in one room. It does not mean what is normal is desirable.
If you want to say it is fine then say why, don't appeal to what was normal in the past.

I was a child of one older parent who dies when I was 12. I have no regrets about my childhood.. It wasn't perfect in many ways, but I'm a happy and fulfilled adult currently. There's many people who have unhappy childhoods with younger parents. This idea that you're going to drop dead is pretty silly.

@sakura so would you rather not have been born? If so what would be your totally arbitrary cut off for not being born?

I was embarrassed as hell about my dad, my mum was also really out of touch when I was in my teens and she wasn't older. She also died young, sadly so I have a decent idea what it's like to lose a parent - to me it makes age pretty bloody meaningless tbh!

Life ultimately as long as your parents do their best is what the child makes of it in the end.

Having a child at 45 is utterly selfish so no.

so would you rather not have been born?

Wouldn't most people rather not have been born?

So would you rather not have been born?

This has been asked and answered several times. I think it's a nonsensical argument, if you weren't born you wouldn't know about it and wouldn't have any capability to wish otherwise. I think it's an argument that is used to minimise and dismiss the real issues being raised.

I’m 45 this year and no I wouldn’t

But I’ve had 4DC I’m knackered and have chronic sciatic nerve pain. If I had no children and this was my last chance who knows

Having a child at 45 is utterly selfish so no.

Having a child at any age is utterly selfish.

@Sakura7 but there aren't any real issues being raised. You didn't like being raised by older parents and unfortunately your dad had dementia? Sorry if I'm wrong. This won't happen to everyone, very few in fact. But you could be born to younger parents and just as likely have a god awful childhood if thats how you're trying to say older parents affect children?
I'm utterly shocked by the judgement on this thread. As an older mum I haven't ever really felt judged by anyone, makes me wonder now what they're really thinking. Ahhh but to be honest I don't give a shit, because I know my boy is happy and I am giving him the best life I can, not selfish at all.

God, no way. Why not ttc ASAP after having your first?

Too risky at 45, higher risk of mc or problems.

Ruby, there are a handful of posters here who had older parents and felt it was ok. But the vast majority who experienced it have said it's a bad idea. It doesn't mean their entire childhood was shit, but it means burdens were placed on them way before their time, and that had a significant impact. You can tell me that means nothing and minimise it all you like, it doesn't make it any less true.

By the way I'm not judging older parents, but if someone considering becoming a parent at 45+ posts here to ask for opinions, I don't see why the potential downsides shouldn't be pointed out.

@Rubyroost

There are plenty of issues that have been raised which have all been minimized with comments about younger parents being poor, overweight and more interested in their phones than their children which couldn't be further from the truth.

Being an older parent does come with issues, the maternal age of the eggs and increased risks, the births are more complicated, it is termed a geriatric pregnancy for a reason.

Honestly the facts remain you are more likely to suffer from age related health conditions as you age. For every story of my mother reached 100 climbing the stairs and as fit as a fiddle there are 99 of others who didn't or lives longer with no quality of life. You will saddle these issues on a teen or young adult. The same goes for every mother over 40 who did it easily and had no complications during pregnancy or birth and a healthy child there are plenty who didn't. The facts and statistics do not support this being an easy risk free choice. That's all PPs have said.

The facts are not on your side.

Noone has said older parents are bad parents but every older parent has felt the need to put down younger parents in their responses.

People have just said consider the possible conditions aging may have on you and your children.

having a baby at 45 isn't "selfish" as such, it's just chronically myopic & short-termist.

Because its just based on a few people's experiences. It's anecdotal. I bet there's quite a few on here with older parents who didn't say anything. We've moved on anyway 40 is not the same as 40 30 years ago. It's so different, people's attitudes, lifestyles and health are different. The variation between 40 year olds is different. It's just a ridiculous point when there's so many factors that make a good childhood.

Gosh. There are 2 parents in my Dds class who had their children at 46. It never even occurred to me to judge them! I didn't give it a second thought after we chatted about it.

BTW I mean 2 separate families where the mother was 46. Plenty of other mums who had theirs early 40s too so not that much of an age gap. And they weren't donor egg etc.
And healthy children.

I haven't put down younger parents at all. I have no issue with you get parents. I can actually see the pros and cons of each.

Yes definitely